Wednesday One-Liners for Joe the Plumber

Glum construction worker, singing slowly: We will…we will…not get paid.

–Caton Place

Overheard by: Cottonfluff

Hardhat to another: You got a rash on yo ass, know what I'm sayin?

–12th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: j

Construction worker to friends, watching girl in a bubble dress walk down the street: Damn, yo, I hate those skirts, yo. That's the stupidest shit I ever seen.

–13th St & 5th Ave

Construction worker to group of girls walking past, carrying food bags: Want to grab lunch?
(girls ignore him) Dinner? Breakfast? (girls continue to ignore him, so he yells at them) Just a snack, then?

–Prince Street

Overheard by: Courtney Messer

Eastern European construction worker to pigeon: You! Yes, hey you! Eat this! Is good for you! Will put hair on your balls! Yes, eat, eat!

–23rd & 1st

Overheard by: Becka Dash

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Balls, Birds, Blue-collar workers, Brooklyn, Clothing, Coworkers, Food, Friends, Girls, Hair, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Pick-up Lines, Soho, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

K-Fed and Britney's Courtship, in a Nutshell

Guy: So I'm only gonna work like two days a week now.
Girl: And I can be your sugar momma!

–10th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Lotte

Posted on December 5, 2008
Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Prostitution, Street, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Put Their Jammies on

Intoxicated girl to another: So, I went into Sleepy's the other day… Apparently, you're not allowed to sleep in there.

–Belle Harbor, Queens

Overheard by: redxdress

Woman coming out of bathroom stall (yawning and stretching): Wow, I just had the most amazing nap!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I<3Auditors Girl to friends: I slept over at Natalie's, and I was really drunk and had taken sleeping pills…

–Staten Island Ferry

Salesgirl to no one in particular: I had the best dream about Aids last night…

–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Joe Roumeliotis

Man on phone: Man, sometimes when I be wakin' up, my body be like "Alright, let's do this!" Then a few minutes later it be like: "Naaaah, fuck it!"

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stepheb

Father to five-year-old son as man in gladiator costume walks by the day after Halloween: That man had a sleepover last night.

–23rd & 3rd

Overheard by: We were all thinking it

Posted on December 3, 2008
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Celebrations/Parties, Dads, Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Ferry, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Queens, Staten Island Ferry, Store, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Go Bump in the Night

College girl looking for a costume: I want to be a bumblebee–but not a slutty bumblebee!

–Ricky's, Near Columbia

Overheard by: M

Suit on cell: Just put a paper bag over your head and you can be that guy! You're the paper bag guy!

–Sheepshead Bay Road (on Halloween)

Young child to mother, after walking by a large group of people in zombie make-up: Mommy, that homeless man said he wanted to eat brains!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Blair

Girl in Supergirl costume, yelling on cell: I'm so sick of walking. (pause) I said I'm fucking sick of walking! (pause) I'm just dressed like Supergirl, you asshole, I can't *actually* fly!

–E 20th, Stuyvesant Town

Loud young Latina on Halloween: I wanted to be a hooker today, but I couldn't afford the costume.

–Troutman & Knickerbocker, Bushwick

Girl to another (dressed as Wilma Flintstone the morning after Halloween): Man, the Halloween walk of shame is the worst!

–33rd & 3rd

Posted on December 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia University, Girls, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Latinos, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Physical appearance, Prostitution, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, Suits, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

You're a Good Friend, Al

Guy #1: God, I'm tired.
Guy #2: Do you want me to punch you in the head or something?

–6th & Martin

Posted on December 2, 2008
Body Parts, Guys, Punch, Street, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

That Was the Night I Became a Man

Guy #1: Getting old is not cool, man. I walked in on my mom in the shower once, it was gross…her boobs go down to her fucking knees.
Guy #2: No, they don't.
Guy #1: Yeah, what the fuck do you know?
(pause)
Guy #2: So, remember that party where she got drunk and smoked that salvia?

–14th St

Posted on November 30, 2008
Age/Aging, Body Parts, Celebrations/Parties, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Family Ties, Guys, Insults, Physical appearance, Rack, Street, Weirdness

This Way I Can Gaze at Your Beautiful Hair

Husband: (smiles).
Angry wife (crossing her arms as she crosses the street): Shut up. I want you to walk 12 steps behind me.
Husband (putting his arms up making it look like he's praising god): Hallelujah!

–St. Benedicts Church, Bronx

Overheard by: nikki q

Posted on November 27, 2008
Couples, Marriage, Street, The Bronx, Weirdness

“Wednesday One-Liners” by Mennen

45-year-old woman: So I ended up shaving it, and it looks so pretty! It's like I'm ten years old again!

–Houlihans Restaurant

Overheard by: remembers when she was ten years old

Girl on cell: Wait. The dad shaves the son's ass?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Guy in shower to guy in the next: Man, I am never shaving my pubes again.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Guy with a bunch of tattoos: The sex was great, but she was psychotic. Every time I shaved she would accuse me of having had oral sex with another woman.

–86th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Alan

British woman on cell: Are you shaving? Your face or your balls?

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: Just around

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, BJs, Body Parts, Brits, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Family Ties, Girls, Hair, On Cell, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

You Want Wednesday One-Liners? We Got 'em!

Man handing out New York Post: New York Post! If you're illiterate, only 75 cents! If you only lookin at pictures, 50 cents!

–6th Ave & W 8th St

Overheard by: lady v

Man selling cotton candy: Get your cotton candy here! Cotton candy! I got your all-natural blue fibers of sugar right here! Straight from the blue cotton fields of…Virginia! Cotton candy, here!

–Shea Stadium

Street perfume seller to browser: You like Vera Wang, princess? This is genuine Wang.

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Weary Communter

Street vendor: Hey, where are you ladies from? (two teenage girls walk by) Oh, that's cool, that's cool, I think I have a friend that lives there!

–7th & 40th

Overheard by: Tiffany

AM New York guy: Sir, would you like a paper this morning? No? No? (shakes head and looks at the ground) I don't care. (pause) It's okay, I don't care.

–145th & St. Nich

Overheard by: sorry charlie

Fake purse salesman: Gucci makes the coochie go woo woo!

–Times Square

Posted on November 26, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Fakes, Food, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Knock-Offs, Lies, Money & Class, News, One-liners, Penis, Pictures, Questions, Shea Stadium, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are Pretty Sharp

Conductor: Stand clear of the doors. You are delaying service. (pause, then impatiently) Stand clear of the doors! You are delaying service! (pause) I will come back there and stab you if you do not get out of the doorway.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Special K

Loud girl: I will stab someone just to prove a point.

–E 187th

Overheard by: Martian

Woman on cell walking little boy: I told you he was an asshole last weekend. (pause) Why did you expect any different? (pause) You ain't gonna stab no nigga. I'm gonna call you "Captain Stab 'em." (laughs) You always saying you gonna stab somebody!

–Manhattan Bridge

Overheard by: Lacy

20-something man: I know…I just couldn't pull out my sword fast enough.

–Canal St

Overheard by: Richard

Actor: Yeah, it's a great part! I play a father who stabs his son…

–M23 Bus

Young suit: Wouldn't it be awesome if, like, right across the street from my apartment we could buy fireworks? …and swords!

–81st & Broadway

Posted on November 26, 2008
Actors, All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, Family Ties, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Men, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Bus, Passengers, Questions, Shopping, Stab, Street, Suits, Theater & Dance, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women