Wednesday One-Liners Put Their Jammies on

Intoxicated girl to another: So, I went into Sleepy's the other day… Apparently, you're not allowed to sleep in there.

–Belle Harbor, Queens

Overheard by: redxdress

Woman coming out of bathroom stall (yawning and stretching): Wow, I just had the most amazing nap!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I<3Auditors Girl to friends: I slept over at Natalie's, and I was really drunk and had taken sleeping pills…

–Staten Island Ferry

Salesgirl to no one in particular: I had the best dream about Aids last night…

–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Joe Roumeliotis

Man on phone: Man, sometimes when I be wakin' up, my body be like "Alright, let's do this!" Then a few minutes later it be like: "Naaaah, fuck it!"

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stepheb

Father to five-year-old son as man in gladiator costume walks by the day after Halloween: That man had a sleepover last night.

–23rd & 3rd

Overheard by: We were all thinking it

Posted on December 3, 2008
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Celebrations/Parties, Dads, Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Ferry, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Queens, Staten Island Ferry, Store, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Go Bump in the Night

College girl looking for a costume: I want to be a bumblebee–but not a slutty bumblebee!

–Ricky's, Near Columbia

Overheard by: M

Suit on cell: Just put a paper bag over your head and you can be that guy! You're the paper bag guy!

–Sheepshead Bay Road (on Halloween)

Young child to mother, after walking by a large group of people in zombie make-up: Mommy, that homeless man said he wanted to eat brains!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Blair

Girl in Supergirl costume, yelling on cell: I'm so sick of walking. (pause) I said I'm fucking sick of walking! (pause) I'm just dressed like Supergirl, you asshole, I can't *actually* fly!

–E 20th, Stuyvesant Town

Loud young Latina on Halloween: I wanted to be a hooker today, but I couldn't afford the costume.

–Troutman & Knickerbocker, Bushwick

Girl to another (dressed as Wilma Flintstone the morning after Halloween): Man, the Halloween walk of shame is the worst!

–33rd & 3rd

Posted on December 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia University, Girls, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Latinos, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Physical appearance, Prostitution, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, Suits, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

You're a Good Friend, Al

Guy #1: God, I'm tired.
Guy #2: Do you want me to punch you in the head or something?

–6th & Martin

Posted on December 2, 2008
Body Parts, Guys, Punch, Street, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

That Was the Night I Became a Man

Guy #1: Getting old is not cool, man. I walked in on my mom in the shower once, it was gross…her boobs go down to her fucking knees.
Guy #2: No, they don't.
Guy #1: Yeah, what the fuck do you know?
(pause)
Guy #2: So, remember that party where she got drunk and smoked that salvia?

–14th St

Posted on November 30, 2008
Age/Aging, Body Parts, Celebrations/Parties, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Family Ties, Guys, Insults, Physical appearance, Rack, Street, Weirdness

This Way I Can Gaze at Your Beautiful Hair

Husband: (smiles).
Angry wife (crossing her arms as she crosses the street): Shut up. I want you to walk 12 steps behind me.
Husband (putting his arms up making it look like he's praising god): Hallelujah!

–St. Benedicts Church, Bronx

Overheard by: nikki q

Posted on November 27, 2008
Couples, Marriage, Street, The Bronx, Weirdness

“Wednesday One-Liners” by Mennen

45-year-old woman: So I ended up shaving it, and it looks so pretty! It's like I'm ten years old again!

–Houlihans Restaurant

Overheard by: remembers when she was ten years old

Girl on cell: Wait. The dad shaves the son's ass?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Guy in shower to guy in the next: Man, I am never shaving my pubes again.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Guy with a bunch of tattoos: The sex was great, but she was psychotic. Every time I shaved she would accuse me of having had oral sex with another woman.

–86th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Alan

British woman on cell: Are you shaving? Your face or your balls?

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: Just around

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, BJs, Body Parts, Brits, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Family Ties, Girls, Hair, On Cell, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

You Want Wednesday One-Liners? We Got 'em!

Man handing out New York Post: New York Post! If you're illiterate, only 75 cents! If you only lookin at pictures, 50 cents!

–6th Ave & W 8th St

Overheard by: lady v

Man selling cotton candy: Get your cotton candy here! Cotton candy! I got your all-natural blue fibers of sugar right here! Straight from the blue cotton fields of…Virginia! Cotton candy, here!

–Shea Stadium

Street perfume seller to browser: You like Vera Wang, princess? This is genuine Wang.

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Weary Communter

Street vendor: Hey, where are you ladies from? (two teenage girls walk by) Oh, that's cool, that's cool, I think I have a friend that lives there!

–7th & 40th

Overheard by: Tiffany

AM New York guy: Sir, would you like a paper this morning? No? No? (shakes head and looks at the ground) I don't care. (pause) It's okay, I don't care.

–145th & St. Nich

Overheard by: sorry charlie

Fake purse salesman: Gucci makes the coochie go woo woo!

–Times Square

Posted on November 26, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Fakes, Food, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Knock-Offs, Lies, Money & Class, News, One-liners, Penis, Pictures, Questions, Shea Stadium, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are Pretty Sharp

Conductor: Stand clear of the doors. You are delaying service. (pause, then impatiently) Stand clear of the doors! You are delaying service! (pause) I will come back there and stab you if you do not get out of the doorway.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Special K

Loud girl: I will stab someone just to prove a point.

–E 187th

Overheard by: Martian

Woman on cell walking little boy: I told you he was an asshole last weekend. (pause) Why did you expect any different? (pause) You ain't gonna stab no nigga. I'm gonna call you "Captain Stab 'em." (laughs) You always saying you gonna stab somebody!

–Manhattan Bridge

Overheard by: Lacy

20-something man: I know…I just couldn't pull out my sword fast enough.

–Canal St

Overheard by: Richard

Actor: Yeah, it's a great part! I play a father who stabs his son…

–M23 Bus

Young suit: Wouldn't it be awesome if, like, right across the street from my apartment we could buy fireworks? …and swords!

–81st & Broadway

Posted on November 26, 2008
Actors, All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, Family Ties, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Men, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Bus, Passengers, Questions, Shopping, Stab, Street, Suits, Theater & Dance, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Yo' Mama's So Wednesday, She's a One-Liner!

Sleazy biker, taking a bottle from marathon relief table: My mother always told me I should be bottle-fed.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Uncomfortable volunteer

NYU student on cell, angrily: I was trying to show your mom a good time so I wouldn't have to stick my dick in her again!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: chris k.

Guido on cell: So you fucked the mother *and* the daughter?

–23rd & 3rd

Guy to girl: Anything over 50 is a super milf!

–Chelsea

Teen to friend: Cause I ain't no full-time mama. I'm a part-time mama.

–Church & Chambers

Middle aged hipster with ponytail and gray streaked goatee: I'm a soccer mom!

–Times Square

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Athletes, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinks, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Hipsters, MILF, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Penis, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Times Square, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Hershey's Wednesday One-Liners

Drunken guy to stoned guy: I would kiss you, but you might remember.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Girl: And so he's like, "I kissed you on the mouth last night", and I'm like "oh really? I didn't know."

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: jaytro

Dude on cell: Yeah, bro, leave it to me. I decide to cheat on my wife and I end with some stupid whore who wants to play kissie-face in a fucking Newark parking lot.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Cute girl approaches frat boy at bar: I was going to pretend I don't know you, but I do know you, and now I think I want to kiss you. Is that okay?

–Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights

Latina girl on cell: Well, my cousin died two years ago, right, and on the one-year anniversary that's when I kissed him.

–Outside Victoria Fashions, 116th & 3rd

Overheard by: Chuckles

Older German woman with accent: So when she was little she used to take a bunch of sleeping pills and lay on the floor, and she wouldn't get up until someone kissed her! It was so cute!

–1 Train

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Columbia University, Death, Drunks, Family Ties, Foreigners, Frat Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Infidelity, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Latinos, Marriage, Old People, On Cell, Parks, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Stoners, Store, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women