Wednesday One-Drink-Minimum Liners

Man arguing with woman: I was single and drunk and shit happened.

–3rd Ave & 13th St

Man to woman: If I wasn't so diabetic I wouldn't have got so drunk.

–14th St & Ave A

Overheard by: S

Enthusiastic 30-something woman: This is a fine time for me to start drinking again!

–Blue Bar, Algonquin Hotel

Overheard by: Terry

Girl to friends: I don't think I'm a whore. It just enhances what you would normally do with less judgment.

–Astoria

Overheard by: The Princess og Fancy

Excited girl: I haven't drunk since the last time we drank!

–1st Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: Erin

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Astoria, Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hotels, Illness, Men, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Promiscuity, Relationships, Street, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Make Beautiful Music Together

20-something girl: I feel sorta guilty for illegally downloading "We Are the World." What's that Haiti number? I should text them some money to clear my conscience.

–LIRR

Middle aged guy to female colleague: It's really good and all, but it's only after listening to the lyrics that I got a little worried. I mean all she kept saying was "I want your disease, I want your disease." What is that?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Kishan

FedEx guy: I'm looking for Phil Harmonic. He needs to sign for this.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center Plaza

Overheard by: Rob

Loud Angelina Jolie wannabe watching band: I love this band, their music is like making love… Am I right?

–Terminal 5

Overheard by: Dani Cakes

Guy with guitar to naive teens: Yeah, music is the only way we can fight our oppressive, totalitarian government.

–City College

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, City College, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Girls, Government, Guys, Illness, Internet, Money & Class, Music, Musicians, Names, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Sex, Singing, Stupidity, Teens, Theater, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to a Building Near a Starbucks, Okay?

Girl on cell, looking up: I don't know, nigga! I'm standin' in fronna some ancient castle or some shit.

–Wall St & William St

Southern guy on cell: No, seriously, there's shade on the side of the streets here! (pause) No… No, I know. (pause) I'm sitting on a bench, outside, in the shade!

–Central Park

Locationally-challenged woman on cell: I'm on the street, kinda near Blockbuster?

–Blockbuster, Broadway & 9th

Girl on cell: I'm not sure where I am, everything is Asian.

–Bakery, Chinatown

Middle-aged woman on cell: We're in Soho, and he has a three-legged dog.

–Bowery & Spring

Overheard by: Kaze

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Central Park, Chinatown, Directions, Girls, Grocery Stores, Man's Best Friend, NYC Geography, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Soho, Southerners, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesdays Have Defense Wounds on Their One-Liners

College girl on cell: He told me he got in a knife fight with his dad, and I was like (sarcastic) "Yeah, okay! You got in a knife fight with your dad." (pause) But he probably did get in a knife fight with his dad…

–Columbia University

Girl to friend: Trinity is the school for kids from Choate who stabbed their roommate.

–Clover Club

Overheard by: Emily

Girl to friend: I will cut you in your face with a knife before I put my hands on you. You feel me?

–E 161st St, The Bronx

Hamptons club girl: You mean I cut him with a razor blade and I don't even recognize him?

–Outside East Village Club

Overheard by: DJ

20-something girl, on cell: Oh my god! Who the hell gets stabbed in the back of the head at a flower shop?

–Starbucks

Posted on August 11, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Education, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Stab, Starbucks, The Bronx, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

How Tight Do You Wear Your Wednesday One-Liners?

Girl in sweatpants: I kind of want someone to pants me. Just so that I can show off my ass without being a whore.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Fabulous gay man to another: Ohmigod! I'm totally having a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants moment right now."

–9th Ave & 47th St

Teenage boy, screaming: I can't wait to get my pants off!

–Broadway & 52nd St

Man to seven-year-old daughter: Hold onto the rail so you don't fall. Cause if you do fall, we're all going to laugh. We're going to laugh really hard. We're going to laugh so hard we will shit our pants.

–N Train

20-something well-dressed girl to another: He comes home saying he won all this money, and falls asleep with his hands in his pants, and that's the end of the story.

–Bedford Ave & 7th

Posted on August 11, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Kids, Laughter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Nudity, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday Double-Entendre Liners

Middle-aged woman to another: Oh! Look at those nuts, Theresa!

–Holiday Market, Union Square

Four-year-old girl, holding giant lollipop: Daddy, look! It's so big I can't get my mouth around it!

–Gristedes, University Place

Overheard by: M

Girl to friend bending down to pick something up: You are now the official bender in this relationship.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Woman reading menu outside: I love fish tacos!

–Chavela's, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: zack g.

Girl on cell: Well, my mouth is really small, you know? So I needed something really wide to hold it open.

–1st Ave & 5th St

Overheard by: Asaywhat

Posted on August 11, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Dads, Erections, Ethnic Food, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Height, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Queens, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

The Non-Standard Usage Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: There's a lot bruacracy in public social work…

–Eastern Parkway & New York Ave

Overheard by: jeff

Woman on phone: Her mother is a bird. Her whole family is a flock of birds. I cannot even say how ghetto she is. She said, "columinate." I said, what? You mean "a-coom-a-late?

–1 Train

Preppy on cell: What's your next class? Professional rioting?

–Fordham

Girl: This class is skewered. There are only three guys and like twenty girls. Damn!

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Phil

Guy to girl on train: She's just like "huh, brutha." It's like, embedded in them. They were breaded that way.

–7 Train

Posted on August 11, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Education, Family Ties, Fordham, Girls, Government, Gripes, Guys, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Politics, Preppies, Questions, School and studying, Sexuality, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

“Pretty Wednesday One-Liner, Walkin' Down the Street…”

Drunken skinny pretty girl: Why is she so mean? I mean I'm a skinny pretty girl. She should not be mean to me!

–Halloween Party, Tribeca

Drunken hobo to girl leaving Sephora: Let me tell ya how to look beautiful. Fill ya buckets with money. Bucketfulla money makes ya look beautiful.

–17th St

Overheard by: Lillian

Voice on loudspeaker: Last call for pretty man. Last call to board for pretty man.

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Jen

60-something woman to tenor, after La Traviata: Finally, an Alfredo who is good-looking!

–Stage Door, Metropolitan Opera

Hobo: I was voted best-looking bum by bum weekly 1996.

–45th & 3rd

Posted on August 4, 2010
Advice, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, LaGuardia Airport, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Physical appearance, Singing, Skinny People, Strangers, Stupidity, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Wanna See You Sweat!

Guy in courtyard, doing pelvic thrusts: Up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and…

–NYU Dorm

Girl to friends: Yeah, after he stopped doing yoga it all went downhill…

–East Village

Guy on cell, screaming: I'm a machine! I'm unstoppable! Who goes out till four in the morning and then destroys a triathlon the next day? I'm a machine!

–91st St & York Ave

50-something yoga instructor: Bring attention to your reproductive organs, squeeze them as hard as you can, and release. Let them go, let them hang loose.

–Yoga Studio

Overheard by: Puff

Conductor: I was watching the winter Olympics speed skating and I got to thinking about the summer Olympics. A New Yorker should win the 100 meter dash. All they have to do is put an open train door at the end of the track and start the race with "boop boop." You know that New Yorker is going to win the gold. Ya'll have a good day now.

–A Train

Overheard by: Commuter #1,792,824