Drunk blonde girl: Yeah, Ryan and I made out two weeks ago.
Drunk friend: Really, oh my god! When?
Drunk blonde girl: Yeah, I told you this! It was before we slept together.
–50th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: i certainly hope so..
Drunk blonde girl: Yeah, Ryan and I made out two weeks ago.
Drunk friend: Really, oh my god! When?
Drunk blonde girl: Yeah, I told you this! It was before we slept together.
–50th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: i certainly hope so..
Girl to another: So now, tell me, how does it feel to be a part of the inferior sex?
Guy: Wait, so you're admitting that women are inferior?
Girl: I have to wake up every morning and put on make-up!
–Washington Square Park
Girl #1, running to train: Hold the doors!
Girl #2: I'm coming!
Girl #1, getting to train: Whew! I got it! Hurry up!
Girl #2: Hold the doors! (gets to train) We got it!
Girl #1: Yeah, I didn't think we'd make it.
Girl #2: Where's Leslie?
(doors close)
–1 Train
Overheard by: EthanK
Nanny to four-year-old: Please stop screaming, you are going to give me a headache!
(pause)
Four-year-old: I had a headache once!
–Upper West Side Elevator
Chick: I mean, we could discuss the merits of jacking off over the toilet.
Dude: There are merits?
–Vol de Nuit, W 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: ultracondensed movies
Guy to girl sipping drink: Can I try some? (takes a sip) That tastes like the stuff I used to get lice out of my hair!
Girl, taking another sip: Yeah, it totally does!
Another girl at table: Gimme some!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Another Andy Samberg Fan
Girl: I can't decide if I should wear my hair up or down. (friend nods) I mean, you know when you have to make, like…decisions?
–Bathroom, Columbia University
Very white middle-school boy, yelling to friends: He say yo' momma got a cheap-ass weave!
–87th & Lexington
Girl with huge curly hair: You see I, ugh…randomly wake up reaching up to feel, and see if my hair is still there. Then my subconscious is like "wait! Am I breathing?" Oh yes. I'm breathing!
–Chat N Chew Restaurant
Young teen guy to girlfriend: You see, I got hairline issues. You know, 'cuz when you get older, your hair follicles increase and your hair is less. I'm not used to my hair. It used to be here (points to his forehead), but now it's here. (points to the same place on his forehead) I got hairline issues.
–4 Ttrain
Overheard by: Megz
Nanny, adjusting ward's ponytail: If I fall, I'm taking your hair with me.
–5 Train
Hobo to long-haired hipster playing around with remote-control car: Get a job, asshole!
–Norfolk & Rrivington, Lower East Side
Overheard by: globalvillageidiot
Hobo to passerby: Hey, wanna cum on my ass?
–72nd St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Rei
Hobo to girl giving him money: Not too much, gorgeous!
–13th St & University
Hobo: What time is bedtime at the Neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand! (pause) Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-seven year olds? Because there's twenty of them!
–1 Train
Bag lady, screaming and chasing a suit: You muthafucka, you stole my 401k! I'ma getchya and take it back!
–52nd & 6th
Overheard by: Get me out of Finance
Guy to girl: I have a proprietary interest in your nipples.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Hobo coming out of cardboard box to group of blonde chicks: Run yo nipples!
–Blake St
Teenage girl: It's so fucking cold my nipples could pick up radio stations.
–Central Park
20-something Asian guy: But I know babies' nipples are so sensitive…
–Grand & Eldridge
Hobo, yelling at couple on the street: What the hell I look like to you? Huh?! I'm a gangsta! If I had three nipples and no legs, I'd still get laid! (shakes cane at them)
–41st & 8th
Overheard by: S&B at STJ
Bar hopper: Look at him! He's 20, but he sucks dick like he's 47!
–2nd Ave & 5th St
Overheard by: Christian
Girl on cell: I'm really mad that he's telling everyone I gave him head, and calling my mom a milf.
–West 72nd Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Will
Student on cell: I can't wait to put that in my mouth.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wait, What?
30-something to teen: I'm telling you: ignore a bitch and she'll be giving you head in a day.
–Central Park
Slutty girl: So after about five minutes, I took a break and my jaw was shaking.
–87th & 3rd
Crazy hobo: Look, I don't mean this in a sexual manner, but could you suck my dick?
–Times Square
