Man #1: Your kid actually wants to go to the doctor?
Man #2: Yeah, he can’t stop thinkin’ about ’em.
Man #1: Thinking about what?
Man #2: Boobs! He can’t stop thinking about boobs!
–12th & Broadway
Man #1: Your kid actually wants to go to the doctor?
Man #2: Yeah, he can’t stop thinkin’ about ’em.
Man #1: Thinking about what?
Man #2: Boobs! He can’t stop thinking about boobs!
–12th & Broadway
Man with beard to friend: You should stick with her. I mean, she's giving you her kidney!
–77th & Columbus
Teen hipster, commenting on girl's nose: It's not too nosy, but you know it's a nose.
–Starbucks, 71st & Broadway
Overheard by: Maddie
Girl: She just really needs that second body, you know?
–W 16th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emily B.
Guy yelling to friend: So I said "My rectum? My rectum!?"
–Broadway & John St
Guy on phone: No, bitch, you rub my belly!
–Houston St
Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Folks, I apologize for the delay, the conductor had to make a pit stop…when you get old, your kidneys start to fail.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Kristin
Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) Fuck! My asshole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana!
–D Train
Overheard by: Hahahahaaaaa
Passerby to young woman tying up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who?
–E 90th St
Six-year-old girl to mother: And then I said, "Oh, Shihtzu!"
–Houston & Orchard
Overheard by: j
Man on cell: I mean, I don't want to compare her to a dog. But, I just don't want to pet that, if you know what I mean.
–E 4th St & Lafayette
Overheard by: amanda
Large scruffy man in deli apron, watching hot Latina: Woof! (pause) Sorry baby, it's just the dog in me. Woof!
–2nd Ave & 94th St
Fat man to female friend: I don't know that dogs are delicious. Rather, I know that pork is.
–Broadway & Chambers St
Overheard by: Carolyn S
Girl, pointing at Dachshunds: Look, Chihuahuas!
–Winter Gardens
Drunk jock: She left cuz she said she was hungry. Well, I'll put that fuckin' falafel on my dick!
–LaGuardia & W 4th
Overheard by: Not drunk
College guy to no one in particular: She was trying to suck my dick! …so I slapped her with it!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Kate V.
Woman to man: See, I don't have a dick, I have a pussy, but I told him to suck my dick.
–South Park Slope
Drunk guy outside subway entrance: Racism can go suck a dick! I don't care who you are, if you're racist, I. Will. Fight. You.
–Central Park Entrance
Overheard by: HAIR-y
Woman to another: I never had to dress up my vagina to get a dick. An old man would have had me pinned against a wall in a second.
–Century 21 Store
Girl on cell: Yeah, well, you know what his defense was? (pause) Yeah, he tried to tell the judge he couldn't have done it because his dick was too huge. (pause) I know! And it gets better! He wanted to make a plaster of Paris mold of his dick to prove it was too big! (pause) Oh, I'm serious. (pause) Yeah, no…I don't know what he was going to do with the mold of his dick. Maybe he was gonna submit it as Exhibit A or something, and shove it up in her to prove his point.
–Penn Station
Woman, looking at two obese ladies flirting with a construction worker: This scene makes me want to puke.
Man with her: (laughs)
Woman: But all I've got in my stomach is cum.
–Gramercy Park
Overheard by: Me Too?
Older woman on park bench: How is Barry?
Older man on park bench: Barry Manilow? Don't know 'em.
Woman: You know Truman Capote's son? He liked pumpkin soup.
–Union Square Park
Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.
–10 Rockefeller Plaza
Overheard by: Jarrod
Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.
–Grand St, Chinatown
Overheard by: Mike Posillico
Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.
–Bx15 Bus
Overheard by: Karly
Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!
–34th & 3rd
Overheard by: Dahouhou
Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.
–14th St, across Doomed Megastore
Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin
Loud guy: Hey! Illegal drugs, anyone? Illegal drugs? I want to buy some illegal drugs!
–6th Ave & 34h St
Overheard by: Emily
College girl to friend: Remember that time when you slept with that drug trafficker?
–33rd & 3rd
Man in restaurant: After the roofies I took I was a total mess, it was amazing.
–23rd & 10th
Overheard by: Matt
Man to friend holding Diet Coke: Do you remember when they had this at that gay bathhouse I had to go to because my drug dealer was there?
–Duane Reade
Dude, about crowd: I'm so glad we dropped acid before coming here.
–Trader Joe's, Union Square
Overheard by: Kat
Loud girl on cell: She can't just call you up and like, reminisce and be like, "remember when we loved each other?" Oh, and I don't even want to talk about the conversation we had this morning. There's no excuse to do acid!
–Wagner College
Woman: Yeah, he was a “client”.
Man #1: The Pope?
Woman: Yeah! Lots of times.
Man #2: Oops…no, I’m not saying it…I’m going to hell.
Woman: What? No, now you gotta tell me.
Man #2: Uh, was he good?…you know…with the Parkinson’s…sorta like a built-in vibrator. Did he have the Michael J. Fox thing going on? BVVVVT!
Man #1: Oh no!
Woman: Oh my God! You are going to hell.
Man #2: And you’re not? You fucked the Pope!
–Tottenville, Staten Island
African man: Does it feel hot here?
African-American woman: I dunno. My boobs ain't sweatin'.
–F Train
Overheard by: Russ Wall
