Wednesday One-Liners Suck at Scrabble

Blonde: You know what I just learned? G-E-O-R-G isn’t pronounced ‘George’ — it’s pronounced ‘gay-something.’

–49th & Broadway

Overheard by: It’s too cold for stupidity

Fag hag to queer pal: It’s like, we’re like… cotillion-izing!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: jaded library dweller

Ghetto chick: Yo, he is datin’ Sheryl now. I told him, ‘Tell me when you kiss her.’ He was all, ‘Why?’ so I said, ‘So I know not to kiss her!’ I’m bilingual, yo.

–L train, 3rd Ave stop

Overheard by: katiebeans

Loud woman: That is ‘conniving’ with a capital ‘K’!

–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave

Angry wife to husband: You are so patronistic. I seriously can’t stand how fucking patronistic you are.

–56th & 5th

15-year-old girl to group of friends: I be takin’ AP English this year, yo. I the only one in that motherfucker that don’t be lookin’ like they be deliverin’ yo’ egg rolls when they ain’ts in school an’ shit.

–210th St & Bainbridge Ave

Overheard by: gutterlush

Angry woman to friend: I have a contention with the way people pronounce my daughter’s name. I did not name my daughter ‘Lady Nasty’! I named my baby girl ‘La Dynasty.’

–JFK

Overheard by: The REAL Lady Nasty

Posted on April 2, 2008
Airports, At the Airport, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Default, Education, Fag Hags, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girl-on-Girl, Girls, JFK Airport, Kids, Language Barrier, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Offers and requests, Queens, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Union Square and East Village, Women, Words

Excuse Me, That’s “Stuh-ray-et”

Tourist #1: This is us.
Tourist #2: You sure?
Tourist #1: Yup, Cay-null Street.

–N train, Canal St station

Overheard by: sara n.

Posted on March 31, 2008
Chinatown, Default, Languages, Names, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tourism, Tourists, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Get an “A” in Conduct

Conductor: Please step out onto the platform to enter the first five cars… [Couple tries to go through conductor’s booth.] Please step out onto the platform… [Couple keeps trying to open door.] Please step out onto the platform! [Couple tries again.] Step out onto the platform! Oh my god!

–1 train

Conductor to two girls getting off train but lingering on platform: What’s the matter, ladies, you don’t like my traaain?

–6 train stop, 51st & Lex

Conductor on stopped train: Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be moving really, really, really, really, really shortly. [Long, resigned sigh] I hope.

–L train

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Bored conductor: Welcome to Times Square, crossroads of the universe.

–7 train

Male conductor: Good morning and God bless. Have a happy Valentine’s Day, especially all you ladies.

–A train

Overheard by: Rita

Conductor: Fordham, this is the Fordham stop. You may exit here, but please, no new passengers are to get on at this stop. Sir, I said no passengers may get on the train… Anyone wearing a brown jacket may not get on at this stop. Sir, you, in the brown jacket. I see you. Yes, you sir, in the brown jacket who just got on the train. Of course I’m talking to you, genius… Thank you. Grand Central, next stop.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: Carol Ann

Posted on March 26, 2008
Clothing, Default, Holidays, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nice People, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Only in New York, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Trains Not Subway, Violence, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Look, Let’s Just Get a Coathanger. They’re Like 50 Cents, and Then We Can Splurge on a Nice Dinner.

Girlfriend: Oh, by the way, we have to return those things to Macy’s.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: Because I need to buy maternity clothes!
Boyfriend: Or we could buy me an airplane ticket, because I’m leaving you.

–F train, Jay St

Overheard by: not certain he was joking

Posted on March 25, 2008
Babies, Boyfriends, Default, Fashion, Girlfriends, Preggers, Questions, Shopping, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Train Station, Travel

The Management Will Address Your Concerns on February 30th

Preacher woman: They say, if you see something, say something — if you see a suspicious package, say something! Well, Hell is a suspicious package!
Commuter: Since it’s about a hundred and forty degrees down here, I’d say this was Hell. Who can I speak to about it?

–2/3 station, Fulton St

Overheard by: Karen Maria

Posted on March 21, 2008
Advice, Battery Park, Default, Heat, National Security, Preachers, Public Transportation, Strangers, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Terrorism, Women

Wednesdays and Their Stupid One-Liners

Hot blonde: Do they kick in kick boxing?

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: haha

Tourist pointing to a church: Is that the Chrysler Building?

–E 10th & Broadway

Little boy, when train jerks to a stop: Did we just hit a deer?

–Manhattan-bound N train

Overheard by: paratactical

Teen tourist: Look, I know you guys have, like, musical theatres on Broadway and stuff, but do you guys have movie theaters?

–Canal & Broadway

Tourist pointing at S train car: This is the bus that will take us to Times Square, right?

–Platform for shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square

Overheard by: the answer is yes, but you’re not right

Young girl on phone: Hells yeah, I walked out of that class! I don’t even get why we still learn about immigration. I mean, who the fuck takes boats here anymore?

–23rd & Lex

Posted on March 19, 2008
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boys, Default, Education, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, History & Geography, Idiots, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

Wednesday One-Liners: More Than Just a Hippie Musical

Thug to friends: Yo, it’s not like I’m gay! Just… the kid had some nice hair!

–Ave M, Q train stop

Overheard by: LoRna

Teen boy: Yo, near the pubic hair, son… That shit is phat!

–Southern Blvd, Bronx

Overheard by: E.J.

Seven-year-old blonde to friend: … And if you get it in your hair, you lose all your points!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: SELENA

Asian 30-something on cell: Well, he doesn’t have any hair, so he better be good-looking.

–13th & 6th

Chick on cell: Masochistic hair to go with a masochistic gal. Aw!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Subway performer, finishing barbershop-quartet style song: We’d like to wish you all a beautiful afternoon. If any of you happen to run into Condoleezza Rice, please tell her we’ve got a sista in Harlem waitin’ to do her hair.

–R train

Overheard by: Marisa

Posted on March 12, 2008
Asians, Body Parts, Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Compliments, Default, Girls, Gripes, Hair, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Psychology, Sexuality, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, The Bronx, Thugs, Washington Square Park, West Village

The Parable of Wednesday and the One-Liners

Voice on PA system: Attention — if you want to preach, we ask that you please move around the boat. Again, don’t stand in one place; please continue moving around the boat if you want to preach.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Kate

Crazy guy: Ladies and gentlemen, the Bible says that the fire will come in the form of locusts. Ladies and gentlemen, the Apache helicopter created by the U.S. Army is in the shape of locusts. If you don’t believe me, look it up. Please believe me, ladies and gentlemen…

–2 train

Overheard by: beeloo

God Squad guy: Let Jesus be your lawyer! OJ Simpson, Michael Jackson — what did they have? Good lawyers! On Judgment Day, you’re going to need a lawyer! Let Jesus represent you!

–Roosevelt Ave station

Overheard by: How come Jesus didn’t represent himself at the Crucifiction?

Black Jewish preacher: Bad boy, bad boy — whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when Jesus come for you?

–21st St

Man: Everything you see belongs to the Lord. He is willing to save your soul. [Cell phone rings, and he answers] Hi, honey… I’m in the Bronx, preaching… I told you last night, remember? I said, ‘God is telling me to preach in the Bronx.’ Yes, I did tell you! [Hisses] You never fucking listen!

–6 train

Posted on February 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, Anger Management, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Default, God Squad, Jesus, Jews, Men, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Religion, Staten Island Ferry, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Weirdness

Separated at Birth?

Hedge fund wannabe #1 pointing to poster: Barry Manilow!
Hedge fund wannabe #2: So gay!
Hedge fund wannabe #1: He looks like what Rod Stewart would be if Rod were a woman…

–53rd St station

Overheard by: Dennis