Girl #1: My friend looks like a penguin.
Girl #2: Like seriously, black and white?
Girl #1: He even owns a full body penguin costume.
–Washington Square
Girl #1: My friend looks like a penguin.
Girl #2: Like seriously, black and white?
Girl #1: He even owns a full body penguin costume.
–Washington Square
Cop to another: Are you drunk yet?
–Corner of 145th St
Frustrated-sounding NYU student to friend: Well, why don't you get a girl and you can just pretend she's drunk?
–Washington Square
Future rabbi: So my philosophy professor, Lenny Kravitz, told us we'll be drinking scotch in class tomorrow…
–4th & Broadway
Drunk black guy arguing on phone: Man, you need to stop drinkin'. Not only is yo speech gettin' slurred, but yo brains is gettin' slurred too!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Ashley
Dude to friend: I swear to god, every time he gets a little buzzed he thinks he's Austin Powers.
–40th & 7th
Overheard by: thivnav
20-something woman on cell: I fuck you, I get dinner. He fucks you, he gets a house!
–Washington Square
Girl: Earthquakes come every ten years, and it's not that bad. It's not like your house goes down or something.
–Flushing, Queens
Overheard by: mia
Excited kindergartner: We played house and then we played going to the co-op!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Elderly man to another: People are gonna kill people, they just need to do it in their own house.
–Austin St & 77th Ave
20-something: So yeah, we used to hang out in elementary school. He'd come over my house, kinda like a "whose cock is bigger?" kinda thing.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: AnnaBanana
College boy #1: The no-pants subway ride was fun.
College boy #2: Dude, they should combine that with that “go topless day”!
College boy #1: I know! When all the pictures are on the internet, it will save us all the trouble of having to jerk off between two different websites.
–NYU, Washington Square
Overheard by: Jaime L.
Large group of people dressed like Santa: What do we want? Christmas! When do we want it? Now!
–Washington Square
Overheard by: TR
Gay guy on cell: You don't want to see white Christmas. Honey, you don't understand… That was the whitest Christmas I have ever seen.
–Broadway & 43rd
20-something woman to 20-something guy, in April: It wouldn't be Christmas without you.
–Stromboli's Pizza
Mom to child yelling at her: Who do you think you're talking to? That's it, Christmas is over for you!
–135th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Yowza
Normal-looking woman to no one in particular: Look at Santa. The same letters as "Satan." Do you think Christmas has anything to do with Jesus? Where in the Bible does it say Jesus was born on December 24th? I tell you, Santa is Satan.
–Xmas Tree Stand, High School
Staples employee, in response to radio: Man! I want to move to Vietnam, or Pakistan, or wherever the fuck they don't care about Christmas.
–Staples, Union Square
Overheard by: Damon H.
Man to friend during interval: Have you heard about the Scientology Christmas pageant?
–Carnegie Hall
Loud guy running out of building: I'm so mad I could do stuff! I'm so pissed I'm going to do some stuff to him! Aughhhh! I'm gonna do some stuff!
Passerby: Don't make him mad, he's crazy. He'll do… stuff.
–NYU Building, Washington Square
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Young mother to toddler son, about creepy man on train: Don't be like him when you grow up. Guys like him don't get a lotta bitches."
–4 Train
Overheard by: Mollie Reznick
JAP to companion: Gosh, I hate her. She's such a bitch. No, we haven't met before. I don't want to meet her; she's a bitch.
–L Train
Overheard by: high school was so two years ago
Woman leaving voicemail: Don't worry about the page 6 thing. It'll blow over, then we'll bury that bitch!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: David G
Gangsta: So then I had my wedding ring melted down and put in my mouth. So every time that bitch saw me smile, she saw my ring.
–A Train
Overheard by: jm
LIRR commuter: And look, I love my daughter to death, but that girl is a *bitch*!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Andy
Stringy black jazz singer #1, watching BBW woman squeezed into barbie-pink tiny jeans: Damn!!!
Stringy black jazz singer #2: Oh mah gawddd!
Stringy black jazz singer #1: Daaaaaammmnnnn!!!
Stringy black jazz singer #2: Ooooooohh maaaahhh gaaaawwwwwddddd!
–Washington Square Arch
Old queer on cell: Okay, well I'll be watching the Mets game, or the Jets game, whatever you call it… What do they call it when you men all sit together and can't talk?
–Broadway & 103rd St
Iranian tourist to street performer: We don't have a vote but we have a basketball team!
–Washington Square
Overheard by: RAR!
Subway conductor: This is the uptown "d" express train, making all express stops in Manhattan and The Bronx, including 161st Street, so the Yankees can host the Minnesota Twins. We'd like to welcome all Detroit Tigers fans riding with us–shame you couldn't bring your team.
–Uptown D Train
Female sports fan: A-Rod's back baby! Kate Hudson has a magic pussy!
–Pub, 45th & 3rd
Overheard by: Pub crawler
Teenage girl to group of attentive friends: If leprechauns could play basketball, they would.
–High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy on cell: We get a little crazy wearing real pants. If we go to the store or something, we'll find ourselves bickering because we're wearing real pants.
–Washington Square Park
Traffic cop, motioning people to move quicker to clear the intersection: C'mon, people! They're real cars, they hit real hard!
–Broadway & Houston
Incredulous 30-something to tourist parents, during intermission of The Lion King: Well, I'm just really disappointed. I thought there were going to be real lions.
–Minskoff Theater
Overheard by: Not at the Circus
Lady in glasses on cell: Being naked is being real.
–West Broadway & Thomas St
Overheard by: Alex S.
