“Young Adult” Wednesday One-Liners

Father to son: No five-year-old should be asking for Chilean sea bass for dinner.

–Joralemon & Court

Dapper man on cell: You used to be able to pass for twenty… uh… eight.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Chuckell

Middle aged woman clutching Twilight book, trying to exit bus while reading: God! These novels for 13-year-olds make me hot!

–B7 Bus

Overheard by: i know, i love it too…

Prissy woman on cell: I don't care if he's six years old, he doesn't have to throw a fucking temper tantrum every time he wakes up. I mean, get over yourself.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Eric

Guy to friend: I'm thirty years old now. I'm over thirty. I don't know how to live. I'm an "adult" now. But I don't know how to live–without someone taking care of me.

–F Train

Overheard by: Jason B

Older woman to almost-dead father: Dad, the doctor told me I have a 45-year-old vagina!

–Manhattan Office

Posted on July 15, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Bus, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Ethnic Food, Friends, Guys, Horny, Insults, Kids, Medicine, Men, Offers and requests, Office, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parents, Street, Vagina, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners from Beyond the NYC Event Horizon

Five-year-old girl, holding her nose, to mother: It smells here! It smells like New Jersey! Mommy! It smells like New Jersey!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Cicero

Teenager: Oh, wow, I didn't know New Jersey had any buildings.

–Christopher St. Pier

Girl on cell: I think I slept with a whore. Then I woke up in Jersey.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Rachel

Crazy-sounding drunk girl: Ewww, why are there so many people from New Jersey here?

–Bowery & E 4th

Overheard by: do they emit a particular odor?

NYU guy trying to impress girls: My dad actually grew up right around here. Well…in New Jersey.

–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave

Girl sitting on raised metal platform on front deck to friend: Hey, do you want to turn around? We're looking at Jersey again.

–NYU LSP Boat Cruise

Posted on July 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Moms, NYC Geography, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village

What Did the Environment Ever Do for Wednesday One-Liners?

Recycling activist: I myself used to be a plastic bottle!

–Outside BLT Burger, 6th Ave

Overheard by: sromeo

Student: Why the fuck are people still building greenhouses if we have the greenhouse effect?

–Columbia University

20-something to friend: I don't understand the sudden concern about global warming…I mean, it's what happened at the end of the Ice Age!

–LaGuardia Community College, Long Island

Overheard by: lulah

Greenpeace worker: Hey! Do you fucking care about the environment?

–Washington Square Park

Greenpeace guy, with puppy dog face: Are you sad about the trees?

–78th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: citysnidget

Posted on June 24, 2009
Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Friends, History & Geography, Insults, Long Island, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Students, Stupidity, Trees and plants, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Just Do It for the Endorphins

Mystified/amused pot dealer, as two jocks jog past him after sunset: They just runnin'! No cops, no robbers, no cowboys, no Indians, nothing blowin' up. They just runnin'!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: innocent bystander

Dad to three-year-old boy learning to how to swing: Well, maybe if you were in better shape, this would be easy for you. You need to work on your abdominals.

–Rckefeller Park

Overheard by: Maria

White buff guy, during spin class: I need to do some serious laundry, so I only had the one clean towel. If ya can't get one, I can always just give you mine and do my usual air dry jumping jacks for the insane amount of fems they have in the locker room over there. But apparently I have a bad-case-of-gay-face, because they look at me like a fat kid in front of the tasty delight window.

–29th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Lace

Suit to another: I wish I could bench press the sins of the world!

–74th St & Broadway

Girl in short skirt and stilettos: Did we just power-strut too far?

–PATH

Posted on June 3, 2009
Battery Park, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Dads, Druggies, Fitness, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Jocks, Kids, Meatheads, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, Religion, Street, Suits, Thievery, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

What It Lacks in Wilderness It Makes Up for in Jungle Print

Girl: I don't understand how they can still film Survivor. Haven't they run out of desolated islands by now?
Guy: Long Island?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: cnol

Posted on May 23, 2009
Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Questions, TV, Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Browsing

Flamboyant foreigner: I changed my MySpace to say I like girls.

–Washington Square Park

Suit on cell: I'm gonna twitter my fucking ass off tonight.

–City Hall

Overheard by: Samantha Sharifi

Girl on cell: Do they not have people in the US that follow the Blue Book? They have to get some guy from Oxford butt fuck to do it? It's so annoying. It's so annoying! Like, I want to take a strap on and fuck my computer. Well, not my computer, but the guy's computer, for having done this to me.

–11th St & 5th Ave

Middle aged African American woman to group of friends: I'm going on MySpace to comment that she abandoned her child!

–8th Ave & 42nd St

Businesswoman to friend: I just like having a family, you know? And you can't get that on Craigslist.

–33rd St.

Overheard by: Rio

High school girl with iPod: Do you think this church has Wi-Fi?

–St. Paul's Catholic Church

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Church, Computer, Dildos and Vibrators, Family Ties, Foreigners, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Insults, Internet, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Myspace, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Sorority Girls, Street, Suits, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

With Wednesday One-Liners Like These, Who Needs Enemies?

Guy pouring himself cup of coffee to guy watching: You and I just really need to have a huge fight. I think that's the only way we can truly be friends.

–Fox News Breakroom

Overheard by: CreateEvity

College girl on cell: I'm a real-life imaginary friend to two different people.

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Am I Imaginary?

Soft-spoken thug on cell: I don't want to upset my baby momma, but I don't want to lose you as a friend.

–123rd & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Girl on phone: His name isn't CJ, it's JP. He wants to be friends with me, I'm gonna friend the heck outta him!

–Lafayette & White

Loud gay guy: So he asks me, "are we still just friends?" and I'm like, "umm, your dick was just in my mouth. Thats not what just friends do."

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Ricardo the Sex Machine

Suit to hot chick: So what's your take on the bottled water companies? Friend or foe?

–Odeon, Thomas & Broadway

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Fighting and ass kicking, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Nicknames & name calling, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sorority Girls, Stupidity, Suits, Thugs, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

On the Other Hand, So Does Gene Simmons.

Girl to another: So now, tell me, how does it feel to be a part of the inferior sex?
Guy: Wait, so you're admitting that women are inferior?
Girl: I have to wake up every morning and put on make-up!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on May 9, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Makeup, Questions, Stupidity, Washington Square Park

Or Just Looking for Some Cheap Horas?

Hasidic Jew: Excuse me, are you Jewish?
20-something film student: Why, you lookin' to party?

–Washington Square Park

Posted on April 14, 2009
Celebrations/Parties, Jews, Judaism, Parks, Questions, Students, Washington Square Park, Weirdness

Sorry, I Didn't Realize– Here's a Twenty, Sir.

Hobo with cup of change in hand: You have any change?
College kid: Sorry, I don't have any money.
Hobo: Get a fucking job, you bum.
College kid: Fuck you! You first!
Hobo: I'm working right now, asshole.

–Washington Square Park

Posted on April 2, 2009
Apologies, Frat Boys, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Panhandling, Parks, Washington Square Park