Girl to skinny ditzy drunk girl: Remember my friend Mark?
Drunk skinny ditz: Mark who?
Girl: You know, Mark. He called you emaciated?
Drunk skinny ditz: Oh yeah! I fucking love Mark!
–Union Pool
Overheard by: Wally
Girl to skinny ditzy drunk girl: Remember my friend Mark?
Drunk skinny ditz: Mark who?
Girl: You know, Mark. He called you emaciated?
Drunk skinny ditz: Oh yeah! I fucking love Mark!
–Union Pool
Overheard by: Wally
Woman on cell: That's why I moved to Brooklyn: I hate people!
–Carrol Gardens
Overheard by: Smegma
Man on cell: No, no, no! You go to Brooklyn and suck that sweet white dick for free!
–35th & 8th
Brooklyn guy to date: I would walk all over Brooklyn for you! I would even walk all over Queens for you, you're so sweet!
–Tonio's Restaurant, 7th & 8th, Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Train conductor: Because of a sick passenger at Clark Street, some of us may not be making it to Brooklyn…I'll let you know.
–Downtown 3 Train
Overheard by: D-Law
Conductor: This is York Street, the first stop in beautiful Brooklyn…yay!
–F Train
Train conductor: East Broadway, welcome to Manhattan. Especially you, tourists, you put my wife on the table–I mean, uh…my food.
–F Train
Overheard by: penelope
Petite 30-something washing clothes: Oh, no! His wife's gonna be there. I gotta get some razor blades.
–Laundry Mat, Broadway & Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Matt
Middle aged suit to another: So the main problem my girlfriend and I have is that I really get along with my wife.
–A Train
Overheard by: Suzi
Thug to friend: There's just one thing I want people to say about my wife. Not that she's pretty, or that she's nice. I want them to say, "man, that nigga's wife's got a fat ass!"
–Grand Concourse
Cop to crowd: I suggest you use the other crosswalk, it's less congested. Stay here, risk your life…over there, save your wife!
–Radio City Music Hall
Man on cell: You don't love your wife?! (pause) Fuck you!
–42nd St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Amina
Lady to mobile salesman: I know you went to the back to speak to the manager, don't lie to me.
Salesman: Actually, I went to the back to take a shit.
Lady: I hope you don't shit for a week.
–Brighton Beach, Brooklyn
Overheard by: nikki
Headline by: Jonny-G
Runners-Up:
· “First Rule Of Sales: The Customer Is Your Friend, Not Your Enema” – Vasyl
· “Great! How Am I Supposed to Overshare with Customers Now?” – beans
· “He’s Glad He Didn’t Tell the Truth That He Had Sex Back There” – Deborah
· “I’ll Save It Up, Just for You” – Keith
· “The Ancient New York Curse” – Natalie
· “The Gypsies Were Getting Lazy with Their Curses” – my other comment is witty
Girl on cell: I would have had to study way a lot more to do better on that exam.
–72nd St & Broadway
Student: I cheated on every test in that class…I even cheated on the survey!
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Liz
Guy: I can't decide which song to listen to. (girls around him look at him quizzically) No, I normally listen to Van Halen's Right Now before a test, but this is my first exam in law school, and I want to set a precedent.
–Fordham Law School Cafeteria, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: pumpkin
Guy on phone: Yeah, normally in these situations I'd knock on my head, but I need my brain for the test today, so I'm not going to pretend it's wood.
–Ditmars & 31st St
Overheard by: Natalie
Student on phone: So what? I don't care that they're mad at me for getting pregnant again. I've got bigger things to deal with…two finals in one day.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Proctor: Okay, now don't leave any of the answers blank, cause it will be wrong. If you don't know, take a guess. It's like lotto: "Hey, you never know."
–New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene
Overheard by: Kristina
Random guy to everyone nearby: Yes, you are sexier than Conor Oberst–all of you.
–McCarren Park
Overheard by: Chris K
Beer guy: I got sexy beer for sexy people! Beer so cold it talks back to you! If you don't drink beer, you die!
–Brighton Beach
Overheard by: Damn, I'd better by a beer…
Little boy in preppy school uniform to Asian teenage girl: Mmmmmmm…I like sexy girls. I like them a loooot. (takes out imaginary cell phone) Mmmm, mmhmm…I'd like that. Ohhh.
–M1 Bus
Hobo to guy carrying mirror: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the sssssexiest of 'em all?
–13th & 5th
Freshman to group of friends: Yo, when Jack* first got his hair cut it looked mad weird, but now it looks mad sexy, no homo. It kind of looks like the Jonas Brothers.
–Bard High School Early College
Columbia girl: She was sexy, but she shouldn't have done that. That's so Adam Smith.
–1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Girl swimming in the Hudson River: I'm afraid if I take a pee, I'll get a venereal disease!
–Hudson River & 26th St
Overheard by: Nellie
(student #1 loudly hacks up a lung, while everyone else turns around in horror)
Student #2: Whoa, what do you have, chlamydia or something?
–11th Grade English Classroom, Bushwick
Overheard by: The Teacher
Angry drunk man to bemused drunk woman: I don't wanna fuck you, okay? I'm just saying I don't have genital warts!
–Ave A & Houston
Groaning guy on corner: I really don't want crabs…
–53rd & 6th
20-something woman: Everybody has issues. They're like herpes one.
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
20-something girl #1, outside bodega: Why are we waiting here?
20-something girl #2: How many times have I waited for you? My buckets are filled with your bullshit!
–15th St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn
Hipster chick #1: Do you think the hipsters of our generation will have reproductive issues?
Hipster chick #2: What do you mean?
Hipster chick #1: You know, on account of the skinny jeans.
–Olive & Orient
Crazy guy (inexplicably overjoyed): Heyyyyy! White people!
–1 Train
Gay black man on cell: She is such a delicate white cunt, she can't raise her own child. She needs a Jamaican man to do it.
–45th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Kristy Magyar
Angry black guy: I swear to god I'm bout to start slappin' white people.
–Union Station
Overheard by: scared white guy
White English guy to Anglo-Filipino chick: I don't think we'll be welcome there because we're white.
–Nostrand & St. Mark's, Brooklyn
Black guy: Man, I love white people, and I never shot anybody!
–Times Square
Panicked child: Mommy, why are there so many white people here?
–Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting
