Can You Get Wednesday One-Liners from a Toilet Seat?

Girl swimming in the Hudson River: I'm afraid if I take a pee, I'll get a venereal disease!

–Hudson River & 26th St

Overheard by: Nellie

(student #1 loudly hacks up a lung, while everyone else turns around in horror)
Student #2: Whoa, what do you have, chlamydia or something?

–11th Grade English Classroom, Bushwick

Overheard by: The Teacher

Angry drunk man to bemused drunk woman: I don't wanna fuck you, okay? I'm just saying I don't have genital warts!

–Ave A & Houston

Groaning guy on corner: I really don't want crabs…

–53rd & 6th

20-something woman: Everybody has issues. They're like herpes one.

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Posted on February 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Fears, Girls, Guys, Hudson River, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Pee, Questions, Sex, STDs, Street, Students, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Why Jackie Pushed Jill Down the Hill

20-something girl #1, outside bodega: Why are we waiting here?
20-something girl #2: How many times have I waited for you? My buckets are filled with your bullshit!

–15th St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on February 10, 2009
Bodegas, Brooklyn, Comebacks, Girls, Questions, Time, Vagina

And the Bisexuality

Hipster chick #1: Do you think the hipsters of our generation will have reproductive issues?
Hipster chick #2: What do you mean?
Hipster chick #1: You know, on account of the skinny jeans.

–Olive & Orient

Posted on February 5, 2009
Brooklyn, Clothing, Girls, Hipsters, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liner Can Drink Milk As Adults

Crazy guy (inexplicably overjoyed): Heyyyyy! White people!

–1 Train

Gay black man on cell: She is such a delicate white cunt, she can't raise her own child. She needs a Jamaican man to do it.

–45th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Kristy Magyar

Angry black guy: I swear to god I'm bout to start slappin' white people.

–Union Station

Overheard by: scared white guy

White English guy to Anglo-Filipino chick: I don't think we'll be welcome there because we're white.

–Nostrand & St. Mark's, Brooklyn

Black guy: Man, I love white people, and I never shot anybody!

–Times Square

Panicked child: Mommy, why are there so many white people here?

–Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Asians, Bitch-slap, Black People, Brits, Brooklyn, Crazies, Family Ties, Fears, Girls, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Rockefeller Center, Shoot, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Threats, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Reparations Would Be Nice, Though

Shop owner: Would you care to taste some wine?
Black woman (offended): No, I ain't tastin' no wine!

–Liquor Store, Brooklyn

Overheard by: thirsty wino

Posted on February 3, 2009
Black People, Brooklyn, Drinking & Drunk People, Nice People, Offers and requests, Store, Weirdness

Your Question Answers Itself, Dottie

Old woman #1: Didn't you know that Asian people just love animals?
Old woman #2 (aggrieved): Then why do they eat them?

–Court & Degraw

Posted on February 2, 2009
Brooklyn, Ethnic Food, Old People, Questions, Race, We Love Our Pets

Meet the Poster Children for Bike Helmets

Kid on scooter: Where are the brakes on this?
Kid on scooter #2: What is “brakes?”

–Sunset Park

Overheard by: blistxaddict

Posted on January 29, 2009
Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Kids, Parks, Questions, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Kosher

Suit on Bluetooth headset: You just lie on the ground and squeal like a pig!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Justin

Chick on cell: A theatrical fashion show of people in assless pleather chaps and pig masks…

–W 26th St b/w 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Ladle

Hipster chick: I love bulldogs; they're like little alien piglets.

–9th St & 2nd Ave

Sorority girl, walking dog, to friend: Didn't you have a pig you could squeeze and make poop come out?

–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Professor: Your mother is a pigfucker. Now, I hope you don't all go home and cry because I said that.

–Brooklyn College

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Bryant Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Man's Best Friend, On Cell, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Go with the Flow

Woman to friend: Childbirth is just really bad menstrual cramps, that's all!

–Varick St

Overheard by: Cool Breeze

Woman to toddler: Put the rest of the money back in the tampon box.

–14th St Subway Station

Overheard by: alex

Girl crossing street to friend: And then I had my period for a month!

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Wondering what kind of birth control she's on

30-something woman on cell: He said he didn't care, and pulled the tampon out of me.

–Bedford Ave & N 8th St

Overheard by: tamphex twin

Girl to guy: I thought I smelled alcohol, but it was just my menstruation.

–N Train

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Menstruation, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sensory Experiences, Soho, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Could You Use “Wednesday One-Liners” in a Sentence?

Girl to friend: I know, man! I was like, "Expelliarmus!"

–116th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Bahnahd

College guy to his friends: If you use the word "status quo" in a paper, you're guaranteed to get at least an A.

–Cental Park

Overheard by: dizzle

Smug dude: He told me he needed a dictionary to have a conversation with me. I mean, just because instead of saying…um…like…well, instead of a short word…I use a big one.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ivory Girl

Old man to another: What's that word mean, "egotistical"? You blindsided me with that word! Egotistical!

–Reading Room, Bryant Park

Overheard by: Jessie

Woman on cell: You never heard of tilapia? You got to get out of the hood!

–St. John's & Classon

Overheard by: Mollie

Posted on January 28, 2009
Animals & Nature, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Bryant Park, Central Park, Film, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Height, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, School and studying, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words