Wednesday Fa La La La Liners

Nerdy middle aged white woman to postal clerk: Yes, I'd like just one sheet of the Disney, and one of the Kwanzaa.

–Cathedral Station Post Office

Overheard by: Emily B.

Woman yelling down a stairwell: Happy holidays to you, ma'am! Hope you choke on a candy cane!

–Central Park South

Overheard by: Daisy Mae

Girl: One morning, I woke up and I thought it was Christmas. Then I went outside and I realized it's not Christmas!

–57th & Columbus

Overheard by: Have a holly jolly Columbus Day?

Irish tourist woman: You went to Macy's? Did you see outside? They have black Santas here.

–Brendan's Bar

Overheard by: Danny

Old guy scanning tickets, singing quietly to self after each bar code beep: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh!

Conductor on speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, we will be arriving shortly. In case you haven't finished your Christmas shopping, feel free to stop by the Metro North booth. You could buy a 10-trip for the kids, a weekly for the wife, or a one-way for the in-laws. Merry Christmas.

–Metro North

Overheard by: Christmas Spirit

Posted on December 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Celebrations/Parties, Central Park, Clerks, Conductors, Disney, Family Ties, Food, Foreigners, Girls, Holidays, Madison Square Garden, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nerds, Old People, One-liners, Passengers, Post Office, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Shopping, Street, Stupidity, Time, Tourism, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

And If It Turns Out It Was Your Daughter? She's Dead

MTA worker: Back in the day, cops let those gangs use all kinds of shit–chains, knives, pipes–but no guns. These days I'm afraid to let my son go out.
Young mom: Shit, you gotta be afraid for your daughter–some bitch tried to stab me two days ago!

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: conspicuous white guy

Posted on December 21, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Family Ties, Moms, On the Subway, Stab, Weapons

In That Case, We Need to Talk About Pants

Embarrassed teenage son: Mom, cross your legs.
Obese mother: They are crossed.
Embarrassed teenage son: No, they're not. Cross them more.
Obese mother: If I cross my legs any more I'll get a blood clot.

–G Train

Posted on December 20, 2008
Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Family Ties, Fat People, Moms, On the Subway, Teens

Wednesday One-Liners, Actually

Homeless guy hugging another: I love you, old school! You got a cigarette?

–14th St & 8th Ave

Drunk, fighting with another and punching phone booth: I will fuck you up, man! I love you, man!

–E 11th St & 9th Ave

Sloppy drunk dial outside gay club: I love you so fuckin much, mom…like…*more* than Anna Nicole!

–Valda, Gay Bar, NYC

Female NYU student: You don't love Joe Biden as much as I do. Dude, Joe Biden is awesome! He should be gay!

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Overheard by: Blair

Guy leaning against light post, to girlfriend: Listen, I love you…but you're so fucking mean.

–47th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: J&J

Posted on December 17, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girlfriends, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, One-liners, Politics, Relationships, Smoking, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

So Are You a Wednesday or a One-Liner?

Gay guy to friend: The men in my family die young while the women live much longer. I don't know where that leaves me.

–W 4th St & Bank St

Daughter to mother: There are only boys and girls, right?

–M60 Bus

Math geek to another: I think society benefits more from cross-dressing than murder.

–Outside Tisch Hall, NYU

Overheard by: shaun

Woman to man: You did know she had a penis, right?

–Broadway

Overheard by: Jessica

Guy, to another standing up: Sit down, sugar tits, this ain't our stop!

–G Train

Overheard by: Matthew & Aaron

Guy to another: Hey, how're the bumps on your cervix doing?

–Thompson & Bleecker

Overheard by: office peon

Posted on December 17, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Families, Family Ties, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Moms, Murder, Nerds, Nicknames & name calling, NYU, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Questions, Rack, The Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liner Are the Low Hanging Fruit on the Family Tree

Man on cell: Hey mom… It's your son! You jackass!

–Bleecker & Mercer

Hot girl to hot friend: Has my brother ever told you his glue stories? (friend shakes head) Well… (begins whispering)

–2 Train

Man shouting on cell: I didn't know she was your sister! Jesus!

–Amtrak Train

Four-year-old to another: I'll be the mother and you the daughter, so you the boss of me.

–Ave D

Woman to friend: Not only is he messing with my marriage, but now I gotta tell my kids they ain't brothers!

–Park Ave & 125th St

Woman to another: …so I was fucking your brother.

–Theatre District

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Apologies, Bimbettes, Family Ties, Friends, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Tell Me More, Tell Me More, Did She Shit Very Far?

Young JAP: So I heard they were doing anal at this party and he hit this nerve in her ass, and she started shitting all over her mom's bed.
Random guy, muttering: That's soooooo hot.

–1 Train

Overheard by: ugh

Posted on December 16, 2008
Ass, Backdoor, Celebrations/Parties, Family Ties, JAPs, On the Subway, Poop, Strangers, Weirdness

From the Circus-Folk Version of Our Bodies, Ourselves

Cute 18-year-old girl, looking in a mirror: I can't believe I still have this pimple on my chin.
Older sister: Let me see. Geez, I think it's getting bigger.
Metrosexual brother: That's because she shaves her beard with the razor I use for my ass.

–Upper West Side

Posted on December 13, 2008
Ass, Beauty, Body Parts, Brothers, Family Ties, Height, Physical appearance, Sisters, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle When They Hear the Word “Penal”

Woman to two male companions: I've fornicated lots of times, and I've never been arrested!

–A Train, Grand Central

Guy handing out tickets: Comedy club tickets, tickets tickets, get drunk and possibly arrested!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Chadwick

50-something on cell: I was watching America's Most Wanted last night to see if I could see…our boy!

–DeKalb & Cumberland, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lea

Grungy guy, carrying a slice and a bottled drink: I don't believe in putting off till tomorrow what I can do today…because tomorrow I might be back in jail.

–Sheridan Square

Overheard by: Suze Volchok

Guy on cell: It's always comforting when I imagine people I don't like being anally raped in prison.

–Prince & Sullivan

Bus driver: The next stop is QCC. Queens Correctional Cen…I mean, Queens Community College.

–Q27 Bus

Overheard by: hey! i go there …

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Bus Drivers, Crime and Punishment, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Grand Central, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parks, Prison, Rape, School and studying, Sex, Soho, Store, Times Square, TV, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

Family Ties