Wednesdays Carry on Behind Their One-Liners' Backs

Guy on cell: You start dating married women, you end up meeting their husbands.

–49th & 6th

Man on cell (guiltless and disinterested): She said I cheated, duh-duh-duh-duh.

–Church St & Barclay

Overheard by: Robert J. Anderson

Female suit on cell: He cheated on me on my 30th birthday in Nantucket and I called my mom to tell her and she said, "Are you ready to give up that lifestyle? He's wealthy and he's gorgeous. I don't want to hear it." But I want someone to be über-attracted to me.

–19th & 8th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Dude on cell: Hello? (pause) I told you never to call me on this number. (pause) Because I don't want my wife to find out that we're dating.

–6th Ave & 17th St

Psuedo-gansta to friend: Yo, I would cheat on my wife except then you gotta buy them flowers and chocolate and shit. I'd rather spend money on my wife and be happy at home.

–N Train

Girl on cell, doing laundry: Yeah…and then he says that he has a girlfriend and he doesn't cheat on her…so I said, "Really? Then what was your penis just doing in my mouth?"

–Laundromat, 9th Ave & 53rd St

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Posted on December 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Beauty, Birthdays, BJs, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Family Ties, Food, Friends, Gangstas, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Home, Sweet Home, Infidelity, Laundromat, Lies, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Questions, Relationships, Street, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

When I Climax I'll Yell Out, “I Hate Freedom!”

Girl #1: I don't know about you girls, but I'm fucking something tonight.
Girl #2: Don't you have a boyfriend?
Girl #1: Well, he's not around. Fuck this American bullshit. I'm getting laid.

–Fulton & Naussau

Overheard by: prince

Posted on December 4, 2008
Biotechs, Infidelity, Sex, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Hershey's Wednesday One-Liners

Drunken guy to stoned guy: I would kiss you, but you might remember.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Girl: And so he's like, "I kissed you on the mouth last night", and I'm like "oh really? I didn't know."

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: jaytro

Dude on cell: Yeah, bro, leave it to me. I decide to cheat on my wife and I end with some stupid whore who wants to play kissie-face in a fucking Newark parking lot.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Cute girl approaches frat boy at bar: I was going to pretend I don't know you, but I do know you, and now I think I want to kiss you. Is that okay?

–Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights

Latina girl on cell: Well, my cousin died two years ago, right, and on the one-year anniversary that's when I kissed him.

–Outside Victoria Fashions, 116th & 3rd

Overheard by: Chuckles

Older German woman with accent: So when she was little she used to take a bunch of sleeping pills and lay on the floor, and she wouldn't get up until someone kissed her! It was so cute!

–1 Train

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Columbia University, Death, Drunks, Family Ties, Foreigners, Frat Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Infidelity, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Latinos, Marriage, Old People, On Cell, Parks, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Stoners, Store, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Need to Leave Eden Eventually

Angry Spanish boyfriend: You know why I'm talking to you like this! Because your boss was sitting there and you probably had no damn clothes on!

–Broad Channel Subway Station

Girl to friend: Yeah, I can't wait until we take off our clothes and do our make up!

–116th & 3rd

(20-something couple is walking down the street with arms around each other)
Woman: So were you self-conscious when you took off your clothes in front of the children?

–28th & 5th

White guy answering cell: Negrooooo… I'm on the Long Island Railroad being completely homosexual… You missed it, completely naked…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Xavier

Five-year-old girl, before performance begins: Are they going to take *all* their clothes off?

—Hair, Delacorte Theater

Girl to friend: God! I remember when my brother ran into my room naked screaming that he had two buttholes.

–Subway, 14th & 1st

Overweight middle age white guy to friend: I know, I get it, you like to sit naked in the mud while some guy serenades you on his guitar singing about things I don't believe and can't understand. That's your thing. I prefer hockey.

–89th & 4th, Brooklyn

Posted on November 5, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Infidelity, Instruments, Kids, Latinos, Makeup, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nudity, On Cell, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sports, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Just Do It

20-something on cell: So yeah, I hit a new low. So you know how I had sex with Dan, Steve and Dave? Well, I totally just handled my friend from work who is married and we did it in his daughter's bed. If that doesnt say I'm crazy, I dont know what does? (pause) Are you kidding me? His wife never gives it up, that man busted four times in a matter of minutes.
(pause). Well, that's now four men this week who said I have the best pussy they've had.

–159th & Broadway

Overheard by: morgan

Girl: She was fucking everybody in this city–and no one even liked her!

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: bRonwyn

20-something man to girlfriend: You're a grown woman! I can't help it if you're a whore!

–7 Train

Overheard by: becky z-dub

Girl on cell: Wait, so you and Skylar are dating now? Ahh, so exciting! (pause) No, you didn't already tell me. You said that you woke up next to him. Since when does that mean you're dating someone?

–Bedford & 8th

20-something blonde on phone: All those people who laugh and snigger at you only do it because they too have experienced the walk of shame.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Man on phone: I can't be constantly wondering who you're sleeping with! I tell you, I'm tired, I'm old, and I can't do what I'm supposed to do. I'm a good 60, but I ain't good enough to be waking up everyday and chasing you around!

–Coffee shop, Crown Heights

Overheard by: Eric

Hipster on cell: I don't see what's so wrong with going up to someone on the street and saying, "hey, what's up? Let's fuck!" I do it all the time!

–Great Hall, Cooper Union

Overheard by: NYUTSOA12

Posted on November 5, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Compliments, Dating, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Infidelity, Laughter, Men, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One Night Stand, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Questions, Sex, Soho, Store, Street, Three is Company, Vagina, Weirdness, West Village

Just Be Thankful Your Imagination Stops There

Geeky kid #1: So they were talking about cremation, did you hear that for $10,000 you can get your ashes turned into a diamond, like for your nearest and dearest to wear?
Geeky kid #2: Imagine if your wife wore it while she fucked some other guy!
Geeky kid #1: It? Imagine if she wore you.
Geeky kid #2: The wench.

–L Train

Overheard by: Bea 61

Posted on August 3, 2008
Death, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Fashion, Infidelity, Kids, Marriage, Money & Class, On the Subway, Weirdness

And Getting Better Every Minute

Girl (sobbing): I’m sorry… I know cheating is never the answer… I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you.
(long silence)
Guy (chuckling): Sorry for laughing. I’m just thinking of what a better person than you I am.
(five minutes later)
Guy (still chuckling): You know you’re hot and guys hit on you all the time but what you forget is that I’m hot. Girls hit on me every day. But I’d never cheat because I’m a good person.

–Metro Cafe, 57th & 5th

Posted on July 20, 2008
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Infidelity, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes

Maybe They’re in an Open Marriage (We’re Just Putting That Out There…)

Young woman #1: Oh, so that guy I slept with the other week? He’s my friend on Facebook now. Did you see him?
Young woman #2: Is he the bald guy?
Young woman #1: No, he has dark hair. His profile picture is him kissing his wife at their wedding.
Young woman #2: He’s married?
Young woman #1: Yeah, I guess so.

–Starbucks, 19th & 8th

Overheard by: My husband is not on Facebook.

Posted on June 17, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Facebook, Friends, Hair, Hook Ups, Infidelity, Marriage, Questions, Starbucks, Women

Apparently It Will Get You Everywhere.

Parsons student #1: He always said he’d dump me if I cheated.
Parsons student #2: Do you really think he’d dump you?
Parsons student #1: I cheated five times.
Parsons student #2: Jesus.
Parsons student #1: I’m easily flattered!

–Loeb Hall, E 12th St

Posted on April 7, 2008
Breaking Up, Compliments, Default, Friends, Infidelity, Jesus, New School, Questions, Students, Union Square and East Village, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Drunk woman: I won’t sleep with people when I’m drunk. I’m not like that. I get drunk and I punch people in the face… I’m totally against infidelity. I can’t deal with that. I mean, I’ve been caught cheating lots of times, and it totally sucks.

–44th & 8th

Overheard by: Caitlin

Guy: So, he’s pissed off because he’s dating this fucking hot stripper — she’s, like, West of freaky — and he can’t tell anybody because they’re all friends with his fiancé and would tell her.

–Brooklyn-bound D train, Atlantic Ave stop

Overheard by: just visiting

Girl on cell: Sorry, I’m on my way to the airport. It was either go to Michigan or cheat on my boyfriend… No, I’m going to Michigan.

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: Cat Darcy

German girl, after breaking kiss with another chick: Don’t worry about my husband too much…

–Frost St, Greenpoint

Overheard by: jayloo

Black man on cell: … So I put my hand between her legs… Nah, she wasn’t wearing any panties… She’s mad cool, but she’s married…

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Izabela

Ghetto mama: … And I said to her, ‘No, I did not fuck yo’ husband. But I did let him eat my pussy!’

–Nostrand Ave

Overheard by: Kris S.

Posted on March 12, 2008
Advice, Black People, Brooklyn, Dating, Default, Drunks, Eating Out, Foreigners, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Infidelity, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Punch, Strippers, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Infidelity