Wednesday-One-Liners Prep for Their Roles in Mean Girls II

Woman on cell: I feel bad about ripping the kid off, but…

–Fort Greene Park

Overheard by: Zoe

Suit: Well, apparently I’m part psychic and part asshole.

–Union Square

Overheard by: quite the combo

Blue collar guy: I stopped giving to panhandlers 10 years ago. This guy hit me up every day at my stop and one day I gave him a sandwich and some cigarettes. I watched him and he threw the sandwich away. I went over to him and worked him over pretty bad. I dumped the trash can and took out the sandwich and then took the cigarettes away from him. Then I knocked him down again and took all the money out of his pockets. I was really mad when he threw that sandwich away. Now I never give anything to those guys.
Suit: Yep…

–1 train, Houston St

Overheard by: Amused Minnesotan

Woman on cell: You see, this is why you just can’t be nice to people. I was nice to her once, once! And now she thinks we’re friends. Like I need this!

–Bus stop near Radio City Music Hall

Yuppie on cell: I don’t give a fuck about them. As long as I’m on their will, I don’t really give a shit.

–34th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Gunita

Girl: So my grandma died last week and it sucked so bad, I had to drive all the way to Hartford on Saturday and I totally missed the huge sale at H&M.

–Statue of Liberty

Overheard by: SuziQ

Posted on November 6, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Assholes, Blue-collar workers, Death, Money & Class, On Cell, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Yuppies

It’s Her Ex

Anorexic JAP on cell: …No money, so I stopped dating him.
Hobo: Whore.
Anorexic JAP, to hobo: Excuse me?
Hobo: Nice thighs — have another doughnut.

–East Village

Posted on November 4, 2018
Anorexic, Body Parts, Dating, Food, Hobos, Homeless, JAPs, Jews, Junk Food & Fast Food, Manhattan, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, People, Places, Sex & Relationships, Skinny People, Topics, Union Square and East Village

Sure, Lisa, Some Magical Wednesday One-Liner….

Dude with chick to group of smokers outside bar: We are going to eat pork chops and fuck.

–Bleecker and Crosby

Gay male on cell: …Do you really think I would try his sausage balls?

–53rd St & 8th Ave

Budget Vin Diesel: I love bacon. If I could, I would put bacon in my cereal.

–Sunburnt Cow, Avenue C

Overheard by: LeahPia77

Hispanic deli worker: Es muy barato, como la carne de gato.

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Anna Pilar

Black man, to Jewish friend: You’re not Jewish. You had bacon at your baby’s naming ceremony. Thickest, juiciest most delicious bacon I ever ate in my life. You named your kid Samuel and you had bacon. Delicious, delicious bacon.

–A Train

Man on cell phone: The sausages! I mean, I don’t feel bad for the hot dogs. But, the sausages?!

–41st and 7th

Overheard by: Justin

Posted on October 18, 2018
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Balls, Black People, Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Guys, Judaism, Junk Food & Fast Food, Languages, Latinos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

For Emily, Wherever This Quote May Find Her

Guy on cell talking loudly: Where the fuck are you, Emily? (pause) Are you shopping? Don't lie to me, Emily! I will come over there and fucking beat the dogshit out of you. (pause) I don't care if I go to jail, it will be worth it to slap your lying ass around. (pause) You don't buy me shit, Emily. Do you buy me my underwear? No! Do you buy me socks? No! I do. What about all those purses and shoes you have? Me!
Random Dominican teenage girl: Damn, Emily really don't buy him nothing.

–Lucky Star Bus

Overheard by: chinatown bus traveler

Posted on October 7, 2018
Bus, Clothing, Dominicans, Fighting and ass kicking, Guys, Insults, Lies, On Cell, On the Bus, Prison, Questions, Shoes, Shopping, Teens, Threats

Wednesday One-Liners Are Retaining Sperm

20-something woman on cell: I thought I was pregnant because I was nauseous all the time, but then I realized I was just always hungover.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy to chick: What the fuck did she get pregnant for? She needed to lose some weight.

–Bowery

Hyper chick: He got me knocked up with this giant pretzel!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Pretzel Vendor

20-something girl to friend: Oh, so you're thinking because it's Memorial Day weekend you're gonna get preggers?

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn Subway Sation

Guy, about a couple who'd broken up: She came back to pick up her shit, and when you come back to pick up your shit, you know, shit happens, and she got pregnant.

–Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ashley

Lady suit on cell: Well, unless you want to get me pregnant, I'm not sure I see a way around this!

–Columbus Circle

Posted on September 22, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Holidays, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lower East Side, On Cell, Penis, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday One-liners Are a Dumb Idea

Suit on cell: Yeah, but none of us respect Alex…Why? Because he’s a retard!

–53rd & 5th

Overheard by: Sara B.

Posted on September 21, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Suits

Wednesday One-Liners Flunk the Polygraph

Woman on cell: I can't come. I'm in the Poconos right now.

–Rite Aid, The Bronx

Punk girl on phone: Hi mom…yeah… Yeah, me and Jane are just walking around in the neighborhood… Yeah, we're at the Time Warner center right now. No! No, of course I'm not on St. Mark's. No. I'd never go there. Of course I'm sober! Why wouldn't I be? Yeah. Okay, love you, bye! (hangs up phone, now to friend with beer) Gimme some of that!

–St. Mark's Place

Russian guy on phone (in Russian): Yeah, I'm on Avenue M. I just got off, I'll be there in a few.

–Q Train, Kings Highway

Overheard by: Robert

Dude on cell: Yo! What's up? I'm waiting at LaGuardia.

–Martin Luther King High School

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm on Long Island right now. I'll be here for a little while.

–Park Slope

Female suit on phone: I have to cancel dinner tonight, I had that meeting I told you about, remember? And I'm still not back yet. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in Jersey still.

–Washington Square Park

Woman on cell outside a pub: Honey? It's mommy. We're still at the hospital. I don't know, we could still be here for hours.

–1st & 72nd

Overheard by: Well, there were hospitals nearby, at least

Posted on September 16, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Fast Times at New York High, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Lies, Lower East Side, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Punks, Street, Suits, The Bronx, Time, Tourism, Travel, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesdays Don’t Kill People; One-Liners Kill People

Large black man on cell phone: They did the deal with the diamonds, then the other guy got greedy and shot up the place.

–Union Ave

Overheard by: Seth Callaway

Teen, looking around: Where are we? Are we purchasing illegal arms?

–Turkish Restaurant, Montague St.

Overheard by: Mike N

Blonde chick in pink coat, perkily: … There was no exit wound, and no bullet.

–L train

Overheard by: Ladle

Girl talking to co-worker: I live near Wall Street and there are like army men down there with machine guns and it’s scary! How do I know they don’t have Tourette’s and won’t just start shooting their guns all over the place?!

–41st & 3rd

Older suit, calmly, to his two female coworkers: I’d like to put a gun to his head and say "Nickie do the right thing or I will blow your fucking head off."
[His companions nod in understanding.]

–Starbucks

Calm Jewish fraternity guy on cell: So, I’m being deported and drafted into the Israeli army… It’s okay, I’ll name my gun after you!

–NYU Waverly Building

Posted on September 2, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Default, Frat Boys, Girls, Global Geography, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Names, Offers and requests, Office politics, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Starbucks, Stupidity, Suits, Thanks, Long Island! (Male JAPs), Thievery, Threats, War, Weapons, Weirdness, Williamsburg

And Wednesday Said, “Let There Be One-Liners.”

Guy on cell: Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Can you hear me? Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?

–Bus

Overheard by: Is God trying to tell you something?

Intense man, grasping woman's shoulders: God wanted me to, and I was ready to.

–Near Riverside Church, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: I wish I knew more

Guy, in awed tones, hearing "Le nozze di Figaro" through open window: It's like the voice of God…

–The Bronx

Overheard by: ground floor music lover

Crazy man: There is only one God. There is only one real deal. I can't afford sex anymore.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: That took a turn

Posted on August 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, God, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, Penn Station, Sex, Singing, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liner Ink

Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart.

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Lyssa

Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t-shirt instead of on my chest and back.

–Prince & Lafayette

Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo?

–D Train

Overheard by: 4-dumb

Tourist grandmother to eight-year-old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy's new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jas

Posted on July 22, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Families, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insects, Insults, Kids, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Tattoos, The Village, Times Square, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Wiggers, Wishes & desires

On Cell