Old Chinese lady: No luggage allowed. Leave it outside. This is my building! I own it!
(College kid, obviously from out of town, leaves in fear)
Old Chinese lady: Puta!
(college kid scurries away)
College kid on cell: Yeah, I did what they say on Law & Order. Never make eye contact with a New Yorker.
–Penn Station Entrance
Overheard by: kash
Flyer guy to tourist: Take it, take it, it’s free! But my weed is not. I’ll be right here until five.
–45th & Broadway
Overheard by: Engi
Yuppie guy: Hey, you wanna buy a bong and get pierced?
–MacDougal & Bleecker
Overheard by: Betty Noir
Guy listening to iPod: Pussy, money, weed! Pussy, money, weed! Pussy, money, weed!
–183rd & Audubon Ave
Overheard by: BB
Black guy to another: All those niggas do is smoke weed and call ACS on each other!
–A train, Brooklyn
Guy on cell: Dude every time she sees me she’s like, ‘O-M-G, you’re high.’ And I usually am, but like, I like to think I hide it well. But she always knows. And even so, I’m like, ‘Em, why do you have to comment on it every single time? At the dorms, at parties, even at Target one time!’ Hahaha… But anyway, we might come Thursday. I’ll see if my funds are in order to make the trip. What kind of shit would we have to wear? Beach stuff? Oooh, and I could rock my stunna shades.
–6 train
Guy outside MTV studios: Stay calm. Everything is going to be okay. There will be marijuana giveaways.
–1515 Broadway
Overheard by: Rebecca
Suit on phone: The dream was strange…we are in a library …I say something like "it's a liability." Then you said "your mom's a liability." That was it…I don't know.
–Gramercy Park
Overheard by: POLA
Young suit to another: The world is not your oyster!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Amy
Suit to another, as 30-something woman in skirt and high heels passes by: Yowza! And that ends our case study!
–Madison Ave & 40th St
Overheard by: Casey
Stressed female suit: No one gives a fuck anymore. Everyone's just gonna do what they want. And any further complaints can be directed to my ass.
–University St b/w 8th & Waverly
Middle-aged Asian man in three-piece suit on cell: I mean, how can I live like Bond if I'm married?
–46th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: dr. no, i dont do
20-something female suit on cell: Baby, I would love to go to dinner, but you have two options: dinner or sex. I only have time for one.
–27th St & Park Ave
Portly young woman browsing dress for herself, nonchalantly: Oh, this is cute, but too bad it doesn't come in fat-ass-bitch size.
–Target, Brooklyn
20-something girl to boyfriend: Oh my god, you are so cute I just wanna punch you in the face!
–135th & 5th
Overheard by: Howzith
Middle-aged woman on cell exiting bus: You have a blessed day! (to phone) No, not you! I was talking to the bus driver–he was really cute!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: B44 rider
Student fundraiser to passerby: Taiwan needs help! Hey, you're cute enough to help Taiwan!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: L-Dubbs
Cute blonde to friend at gym: Oh my god! Look! That looks like a cuter version of this bald guy I slept with in a closet over the summer!
–14th & 3rd
Overheard by: Rob Lovett
Wasp woman, looking at Asian Peoples exhibit: Oh, honey, look, that woman looks just like that woman at that Chinese food place we like!
–Museum of Natrual History
Overheard by: Heather
Older man to Chinese friend: You know, Caucasians really can't tell the difference between the Asians and the Chinese.
–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: James
Burly bouncer to burnt-out groupie: Don't think of it as a finger, think of it as an Asian penis.
–11th & 3rd
Tourist on cell: I think I'm heading towards Little Italy, but all I see are Chinese people. I feel like fuckin' Marco Polo. Fuck man, where are you? (trips on curb and falls into pile of trash bags)
–Canal St
Giggling 20-something: So we hired a new intern, and she's Asian!
–Murray Hill
Overheard by: sab
Suit on cell: I said to him, "If I had my dick out on the bar, you think she wouldn't look at it?" and he kept telling me I owed her an apology, so I said, "Sweetheart, sorry I looked at your pussy." Listen, I gotta get off the train now. I'll call you back.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Pasty
Guy standing at lowered urinal to guy standing at regular height urinal: The low urinal is for the guys with big dicks, so they don't bottom out.
–Roc Restaurant
Guy to group of friends (boisterously): I only date chicks with small hands…makes my dick look huge!
–St. Andrews Bar
Overheard by: allimax
Woman (screaming into phone): Suck my dick, bitch!
–Near Manhattan Mall
Guy shouting into cell: We got a cab. And you can eat a dick.
–Hanover & Water
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because some dick is holding the door. We will be moving when the dick takes his arm out the door.
–4 Train
Overheard by: jessie
Girl on cell: No…Well yes, you can call me back, just not between the hours of 8 and 10PM…Why do you think? It’s Jack Bauer Power Hour!….Uh, times 2. It’s going to be motherfucking terrorist-kicking time. That whispering bad ass mofo is going to be going on strong tonight for 2 hours. Praise Jebus!…Bam! Pop! Pow! Jacky should be the father of my children. I will however totally call you directly after the show.
–1st Avenue & 5th Street
Female coworker to another: You look so cute! I didn’t recognize you!
–Hudson & Vandam
Buff man carrying small, pink, frilly umbrella: I better not hear anyone call me cute.
–Canal & Mulberry
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Chick on cell: Mom, cute is a puppy dog. Cute is an Anne Geddes photo. Cute is not a 25-year-old guy fluent in sarcasm. Stop trying to set me up with him.
–Hudson St
Woman looking at Salvador Dali painting: That is so cute!
–Guggenheim Museum
Overheard by: Does she kill puppies for fun?
Girl on cell: So, you know, I was just lying there, like with my face to the wall and stuff and he just whips out his dick and starts hitting me in the back of the head with it.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Zac Stone
65-year-old lady, in bikini top and Daisy Duke shorts, with belly hanging over: Of course I am bisexual…can't you see the view?"
–49th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: NATE MATHIS
Girl to guy: You can't be bisexual and married, John. That's, like, illegal!
–50th b/w 8th & 9th
Australian chic at bar: It's weird though, he reminds me so much of my ex-girlfriend.
–Mexican Restaruant, Lower East Side
Loud girl on cell: No, I did him, it was so good. (pause) Yeah, I fucked her too, she loved it.
–Hillside & Edgerton
Drunk lesbian: Why can't you be a girl or at least have a really big dick?
–Bowery Ballroom
