Wednesday One-Liners Feel Like a Woman or Whatever

Asian girl: A tranny spat and peed on me last night… so I guess I'm okay.

–Screaming MiMi's Boutique

Overheard by: Nancy

Gay guy, after woman bumps into him: Did you just step on my vagina?

–A Train

College boy: So then I woke up and realized I was next to a tranny…

–Manhattan College

"Girl" sitting at the door: My panties are too small to hold my dick in.

–Williamsburg

Catholic school girl, carrying large backpack, to friend: I'm looking forward to leaving this bathroom a guy. A very effeminate guy, but still a guy.

–Bathroom, Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Innocent Bathroom-goer

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Catholics, Clothing, College, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Height, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Smegma, Store, Students, Trannies, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Got Game

Old queer on cell: Okay, well I'll be watching the Mets game, or the Jets game, whatever you call it… What do they call it when you men all sit together and can't talk?

–Broadway & 103rd St

Iranian tourist to street performer: We don't have a vote but we have a basketball team!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: RAR!

Subway conductor: This is the uptown "d" express train, making all express stops in Manhattan and The Bronx, including 161st Street, so the Yankees can host the Minnesota Twins. We'd like to welcome all Detroit Tigers fans riding with us–shame you couldn't bring your team.

–Uptown D Train

Female sports fan: A-Rod's back baby! Kate Hudson has a magic pussy!

–Pub, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: Pub crawler

Teenage girl to group of attentive friends: If leprechauns could play basketball, they would.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on January 27, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Fast Times at New York High, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Magic, Mets, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Passengers, Politics, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Sports, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words, Yankees

January Is Foursome Month

Gay guy #1: Would you be mad if I told you I had a threesome in December?
Gay guy #2: No. But if you told me you had a threesome in January I would be.

–9th Ave & 17th St

Overheard by: Chelsea Girl

Posted on January 22, 2010
Anger Management, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Gays and Lesbians, Queer guys, Three is Company, Time

Every One-Liner Has His Wednesday

Girl to friend: If it weren't for my sister's dog, I wouldn't have to drink during the day.

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Kevin

Gay dude to another: It's so amazing how dogs get all up in there. Like, what if people had to introduce themselves that way? How great would it be if when I met you I had to sniff your ass?

–17th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: BT

Girl on cell: So wait, did Dr Siegel really charge you 150 dollars to chop a pimple off the dog's booty?

–Hart & Irving, Brooklyn

Girl to guy: Ever spend a lot of time with a Shih Tzu?

–MacDougal & 3rd St

Female voice outside my window: And I'm keeping the dog leg–I don't even care what you have to say!

–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on January 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia University, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I See You As More Of a Handball Guy

Grad student: I'm signing up for squash classes. I like squash, even though it's messed up my tennis playing.
Gay coworker: Oh, I approve of all the racket sports. Maybe I should play squash, too, since my wrists are not firm. (laughs)

–NYU Meyer Building

Posted on December 24, 2009
Body Parts, Coworkers, Gays and Lesbians, Laughter, NYU, Queer guys, Sexuality, Sports, Students

How Are Wednesday One-Liners Like Network TV, Alex?

Guy to boyfriend: I think you're boring. I'm bored.

–W 15th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Thompson

Woman on cell: I got so bored at work that I started talking to my mosquito bite! I told it to stop making me itch.

–58th St & 9th Ave

11-year-old boy to friends: I'm not ready for death. It's boring. All you do is fly around in the air.

–7 Train

Kid to family, looking at camels: I'm just gonna come right out and say it: 'dis is really fuckin' boring!

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Tyler

Posted on December 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Comebacks, Death, Families, Friends, Guys, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Street, The Bronx, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Hey, Boys and Girls, It's Wednesday One-Liner Time!

30-something blonde in office attire on cell: You need to tell Vanessa that she can't be on the show because she's not overweight enough, and s not unattractive enough.

–Whole Foods Market, Chelsea

Syracuse University girl, going up escalator: I feel like I'm in Star Trek! (begins humming Indiana Jones theme)

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Mickey

20-something gaysian: Yeah, he watches Hannah Montana so I don't get why he makes fun of me for watching iCarly!

–Washington Square Park

Teen: I watched I Love Lucy last night. She's funny; she's like the Jim Carrey of the 1920s or something.

–UA School of Music and Art

20-something preppy kid to mother: You know, they really should have a reality show about Midtown.

–54th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Pedro

Posted on December 9, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Disney, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Preppies, Queer guys, Students, Stupidity, Teens, TV, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Whole Foods

Or Cher.

Gay guy to girl: He's so unapproachable and homophobic.
Girl: Honey, he's not homophobic; he just really doesn't like you.

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: Jon

Posted on December 6, 2009
Comebacks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Queer guys, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Go Directly to My Thighs

Teeny tiny gay guy: I used to be so skinny in high school.

–Staten Island

Teenage girl to another: I mean, why bother to eat anything if you're just gonna shit it all out?

–L Train

Woman carrying baby to friend: Also, I burn an extra 500 calories a day just by breastfeeding!

–5th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: Tracy

20-something guy, about Sour Patch Kids gummy candy: They're fat-free, so they're good for you!

–4 Train

Six-year-old girl, eating bagel: All of the fat from this is going to go straight to my ass!

–A Train

Overheard by: that's just great

Posted on December 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Diet/Weight, Food, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nostalgia, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Poop, Queer guys, Questions, Rack, Staten Island, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

I'm So Glad I Conducted This Market Research

Gay #1: Sometimes, I just wish I was a stripper.
Gay #2: Oh, I would totally go to see you.
Lesbian: Yeah, me too, but only if you can make the mangina.

–Porn Shop, West Village

Overheard by: me too…

Posted on December 1, 2009
Gays and Lesbians, Lesbians, Penis, Queer guys, Sexuality, Store, Vagina, West Village, Wishes & desires

Queer guys