Wednesday One-Liners for Ralph Nader… Not!

Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political!

–Wagner College

5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama's going to raise taxes?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jen

Woman on cell: I'm trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don't know joe sixpack.

–98th & Broadway

Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: "her hair's fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I'm sorry, she's a fucking loser."

–Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side

Overheard by: Lindsey Miller

Drunk girl: "if lil' wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly."

–E Houston St & Lafayette St,

Overheard by: Teddy

"my cousin said that obama is the antichrist."
(pause).
"that's mad rude, right?"

–M66

Overheard by: Charley

Posted on January 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Bus, Clothing, College, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Girls, Government, Hair, Insults, Kids, Moms, Names, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Politics, President, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Sorority Girls, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Two-Drink Minimum

Flyer guy: Smile, you're on Broadway! (singing) You're never fully dressed…when you're naked! (stops singing) So come to New York's best improvisational comedy club! Be there, or be someplace else!

–Times Square

Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy

Annoying man outside comedy club, to passerby: Do you like stand-up comedy? (passerby ignores him keeps walking) Do you like free alcohol? (passerby keeps walking) Do you like ignoring me? (passerby turns head and nods)

–Broadway

Overheard by: Wojo

Comedy show ticket salesman to couple: So, what are you two doing tonight…besides each other?

–Broadway & 49th St

Overheard by: Theo

Ticket guy to walking couple: Do you like comedy or do you just do each other? Maybe that's all you need.

–51st & 8th

Overheard by: PartyByNight

Street vendor: Want to see a comedy show for $10? Free drinks! Cheaper than crack cocaine!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: gradstudent

Comedy club flyer guy: Blah, blah, blah, take my flyer!

–Times Square

Overheard by: No flyer, but props for the delivery

Posted on January 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Broadway Shows, Cocaine, Couples, Drinking & Drunk People, Flyer people, Free stuff!, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Nudity, Offers and requests, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Singing, Strangers, Street, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liner

Slightly thugged-out guy, rapping to little white poodle: Li'l coco! You's a muthafuckin' beast, yo! Li'l coco! Yeah!

–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: John Bender

Guy to dog: Lady, it's just me! There's only me!

–77th St, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Big burly guy to tiny yorkie, as it sniffs tree and walks away: Well, thanks for that false alarm.

–43rd St & 10th Ave

Upper West Side lady to little pampered dog with sweater: It's okay, baby, you can talk.

–80th Ave & Columbus

Hipster dog walker, whispering to herd of dachsunds: Mushhhhh…

–Central Park

Posted on January 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Language Barrier, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Parks, Pee, Street, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Ideal Relationship

Guy #1: I think I'm going deaf.
Guy #2: What?

–Broadway

Posted on January 11, 2015
Guys, Handicaps, Street, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liner Swap

Lady on cell: She must have been humiliated by the parade of wives!

–Broadway & 72nd

Man to friend: Whenever I want to fuck my wife, she doesn't want to. But when I can't, she always wants to. I think she does it out of spite.

–12th St

(Elton John's Rocketman playing on radio) "I miss the Earth so much… I miss my wife…"
Barista: You don't miss your wife, Elton. You're gay!

–Small Coffee Shop, SoHo

Midget handing out fliers: Who likes comedy? (to man in striped shirt) Hey, do you like comedy? I like striped shirts, let's work something out here!
(man keeps walking)
Midget, yelling after him: No wonder your wife doesn't love you!

–Union Square Subway

30-something guy: Dude, that's so rude. Plus, she's going to be your wife soon, so you've got to stop calling her that.

–Hell's Kitchen

Posted on January 11, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Clothing, Comebacks, Family Ties, Flyer people, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Insults, Love, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Musicians, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Singing, Soho, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Hooked on Wednesday One-Liners Worked for Me!

Tween girl: No, it's "Yiddish"! "Yiddish," not "ribbit."

–Penn Station

Overheard by: ragnvaeig

20-something girl to older friend: No, no… "ghetto" is just slang–it's not a real word.

–PATH Train

Guy on cell: Yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo, yo.

–Pacific St & Atlantic Ave

Overheard by: jayloo

Guy to another, who has obviously caused him some emotional strife: I just don't understand why you had to did me so dirty.

–Hudson River Park

Teenage boy: But I ain't know where was them talkin' about it! (teenage friend nods sympathetically)

–Downtown 6 Train

Girl to guy: It must be your manstinct. (pause) Not ya manstink!

–Central Park

Posted on January 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hudson River, Language Barrier, Languages, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penn Station, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Words, Yiddish

That's What the Tasers Are For

Friend #1: Go to the left.
Friend #2: I'm trying!
Friend #1: Don't try! Just push people!

–5th Ave & 49th St

Overheard by: autumn

Posted on January 6, 2015
Directions, Friends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Street, Violence, Weirdness

Does That Even Work on JDate?

Girl: Sorry, my friends are waiting for me.
Guy: What? You don't like nice Jewish boys with trust funds?

–5th Ave

Overheard by: A

Posted on January 6, 2015
Friendship, Girls, Guys, Money & Class, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Street, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Minors

Two-year-old, pointing to Citibank: That's my bank!

–7th Ave & President St, Park Slope

Overheard by: But who's your insurance carrier?

Nine-year old boy on cell: Well, you know what? Fuck you! I'm going home! (slams cell shut and begins strutting across parking lot)

–Parking Lot, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: WTF????

Ten-year-old girl in bathing suit to seven-year-old girl: Stop touching my ass. Whore!

–Park, Astoria

Little girl to group of little girls: Raise your hand if you're allergic to penicillin!

–R Train

Overheard by: cole

Little girl to friends, pointing at platform: That's where hobos live!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Three-year-old boy, eating hamburger: Cock cock cock cock!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Alexis from Texas

Kid in cart at end of dairy aisle as man he came in with goes down aisle: Ssomeone's gonna take me! Someone's take me!

–Stop & Shop, Kingsbridge, Bronx

Overheard by: Krisztina

Posted on January 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Malls, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Penis, Staten Island, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Conjoined, Bearded Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: You know her, red hair, goes to a lot of shows… Her lip is kind of, y'know, stuck to her nose a bit on the one side.

–Union Square

Promoter to older man passing by: Excuse me, sir, you dropped your clitoris.

–St.Mark's Place

Suit: And his head was askew…

–79th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Ladle

Suit on cell: The woman's toenails were three inches long.

–The Village

Guy to another: I knew a guy with a tail–an extended tailbone. It was thiiiis (shows) long!

–8th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Rick

50-something New Yorker: He was Barbara Streisand's cousin! And he stretched my urethra. It was great! Well, not at the time. But now it's great!

–Broadway & 59th St

Overheard by: Nikki

Posted on December 27, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Hair, Height, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness