Do Wednesday One-Liners Make You Hot?

20-something guy dressed as Edward Cullen for Halloween: So anyway, I walk in, and they are both sitting there, playing with each other's erections…

–Bedford Ave & Berry St

Overheard by: Marie Miller Barnes

Ginger kid in audience, as photo of awkward Asian teen sticking banana in his mouth is projected on movie screen: I am definitely aroused.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Joggers to another: Raging hard-ons!

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Katie

20-something girl to another: How could he not go out with you? I mean, you gave him a boner at Relay For Life!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Becca

Posted on March 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dating, Erections, Fruit, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Horny, Kids, One-liners, Questions, School, Sex, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

We'd Like to Thank Wednesday One-Liner for This Emmy

Chick to friend: I've been really committed to learning about Jesus lately. Can you believe how crazy it is that Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights? I mean, like, no food or water for that long? Crazy! I mean, I never even realized how crazy it was until I saw David Blaine do it.

–R Train

Dreaded hobo, evangelizing: You gotta be able to suck dick to accept the love of Jesus Christ!

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: melissa

Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

Fat Christian evangelist to another: Jesus had the computer technology to manipulate the atoms of water. That's why he could walk over the waves. That's how we convince the atheists.

–Union Square

Overheard by: smoking on the stoop

Hipster on cell: My aunt got a promotion at work. She's a big deal. If this were the bible, she would be Jesus' nephew.

–17th St & Broadway

Posted on March 3, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Christians, Compare/Contrast, Computer, Crazies, Education, Fat People, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Hobos, Jesus, Jobs & Careers, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Science, Street, Stupidity, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Cunt Hardly Wait

Random girl: I think PETA should be informed any time an animal is fully submerged in a vagina.

–Webster Hall

Overheard by: Jen

20-something platinum blonde to another: Her vagina… Her vagina must be the size of, like, the Grand Canyon.

–7th Ave & 12th St

Girl, about her play: I don't think people are going to laugh about the vagina being killed on stage… Yeah, no one's gonna laugh when the vagina dies.

–NYU

Dude questioning another: What do mean by "moderate Taliban"? Like the women can wax their vaginas?

–Elizabeth Street

Young man shouting on cell: Then just tell her you don't like her vagina!

–26th St & Park Ave

Posted on February 24, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Death, Girls, Guys, Height, Laughter, Lower East Side, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Pedophilia, Physical appearance, Questions, Religion, Street, Terrorism, The Village, Theater, Theater & Dance, Vagina, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Bed, Bath, and Wednesday One-Liner

Hipstress to another: At least now if you find a baby on your doorstep, you'll have a dresser drawer to put it in.

–Pete's Candy Store, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mat Freimuth

Gamer on headset, freaking out: Oh my god, why would you move the couch!? Why the hell did you move it, idiot!? When you move a couch, bad things happen! Move the couch… You stupid… Oh my god. Wanna know why we all died after moving the couch? Because we moved the damn couch!

–Glendale

Middle-aged woman backing away from pink, cushioned chair for sale: Only $199? I wonder what it would be like to fuck on that chair!

–Hamilton Heights

Angry wife: No, it's fine, at least I finally know how you truly feel about throw pillows.

–65th St & Broadway

Posted on February 24, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Babies, Brooklyn, Couples, Death, For Sale, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Magic, Money & Class, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Grandma Got Run Over by a Wednesday One-Liner

SUV driver to pedicab trying to make its way through the snow: Hey, buddy! I got a reindeer, ya wanna buy it?

–8th Ave & 48th St

Loud 13-year-old: Shut the fuck up, it's almost Christmas.

–B Train

Overheard by: Taylor

Middle-aged guy on cell: You'll never guess what I'm doing for Christmas. You'll never guess in a million years. (pause) Uhm, yeah, that's pretty close.

–8th Ave

Guy dressed in Santa costume on cell: Stop being such a weenie!

–Midtown

Angry little girl to older brother: If you don't let Santa out of our closet I will!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Taylor

Posted on February 24, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Brothers, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Comebacks, Conductors, For Sale, Guys, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Street, Teens, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

The Cheeky Fuckhole Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy outside NY Life building: You have to entrance a man with your pussy… or your voice.

–26th & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Seeking Dating Advice

Ghetto guy to date: I eat pussy for 40 minutes!

–The Frying Pan

Overheard by: Aly

Irate woman on cell: I ain't a size two anymore! This shit be hurtin my ass, and my vah-jay-jay!

–6th Ave & 38th St

Girl to another: If you were a stranger, I'd punch you in the vagina.

–D Train

Father to teenage son: There will be plenty more pussy to come, you just need to get your swagger back.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mister Pants

Posted on February 17, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Ass, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Height, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Punch, Street, Teens, Threats, Time, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

One-Liners Mean What Wednesdays Say They Mean

Blonde to brunette: So that made it even worser… Worser? More worse? Or is it just worse? Noooo. Worser. Or just worse? No! More worse. Worser?

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Agitated young man: I was dramatized by all dat what just happen … dramatized, son. Dramatized.

–Hospital, 10th Ave

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Obese woman pushing stroller: Yo! I told you I don't wanna hear noes, ifs, ants, or buts about it.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: john ainley

Young French lady: We are gonna weaponised a pumpkin!

–French Consulate, Upper East Side

Overheard by: James

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Food, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Hospitals, Idiots, Moms, Office, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday First-Trimester Liners

Mom to friend, as baby makes screeching sounds and bounces around in stroller: I swear I didn't do drugs while I was pregnant with her. But I did have quite a few raspberry martinis before I knew I was knocked up.

–Belmont Park Race Track

20-something woman on phone: I need to slap that bitch. I don't care she pregnant, her face ain't pregnant.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Mike

Ghetto baby momma: And it was like I was giving birth on the toilet!

–Belmont Ave & 188th St

Overheard by: Toomuchinformation

Doctor to patient: You're not pregnant, you just have gas.

–W 204th St

Overheard by: JMS

Little girl on cell: Oh my god, I know! And I'm, like, "that's why you're fucking pregnant"!

–Central Park

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Comebacks, Doctors, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Farting & Burping, Ferry, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Insults, Kids, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

In a City Full Of Good Samaritans, Rachel Always Finds an Asshole to Date

Crowd to girl who just fell down in deep puddle: Are you okay?
Girl, getting up and going toward boyfriend: Yes, yes, I'm fine! I'm fine!
Boyfriend: Get away from me!

–Broadway

Posted on February 14, 2010
Couples, Health and Hygiene, Relationships, Strangers, Street, Weirdness

The Dishonorable Discharge Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: Okay, how do I put this delicately? (pause) Yeah, I don't think I can. Here's the difference between you and me: when I hear that a guy I like is riddled with STDs, I cut off all ties and stop thinking of him as a potential sexual conquest. (pause) Alright, dude, but don't come crying to me when you get your first outbreak.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: tatunit

20-something girl: I swear to god: if I get syphilis, I'm spreading it.

–Penn Station

Girl on cell phone: Yeah, and then the lady asked me to take off my pants because she wanted to do an examination. Well, I freaked because it's like a fucking jungle down there, and I wasn't expecting the exam. It was alright, though, the poster in front of me with disgusting images of vaginas with warts and cysts and stuff gave me comfort that the situation could be a lot more embarrassing.

–NYU Health Center

Girl on cell: I didn't say anything about your sister having herpes!

–Hunter College

Crazy health teacher: Now I am going to speak about sexually transmitted diseases. I know this is a subject which you enjoy. (students laugh) What? It is true. Everyone begins to grow excited when I speak of this subject.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crying, Education, Family Ties, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, Insults, Laughter, Medicine, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Queens, Sex, STDs, Street, Teachers/Professors, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires