Wednesday One-Liners Go Chasing Waterfalls

Guy in line for the bathroom: Man, it takes a lot of trust to let someone piss through your legs.

–Angelika Theater

Girl: If I had a barbecue on my stoop, three queens would pee on it on the first night. I mean, you'd think they wouldn't, since it's a historically gay street. But I've seen so many queens peeing on Christopher Street when it's nice out!

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Donk

Really drunk girl: I have to pee so bad! I almost peed on the corner, but then I remembered I don't have a penis.

–14th St

NYU girl, immediately after taking shot of tequila: Guys, I have to pee, but I don't want to pee out the patron!

–NYU Dorm

NYU girl: I'm going to go see her! I sobered up for this! I drank tons of water! I could pee my ass out!

–8th & University

Short cop on his phone: Peed? You peed on the bed?

–21st St b/w 3rd & 2nd

Posted on November 18, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, The Village, Theater, Trannies, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

It’s Not You, It’s Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to friends: They broke up… He was only in the relationship for the free Nike gear anyway.

–Stone St.

Overheard by: Jen

Hipster dude: So Jane* is coming to the studio tonight to do some recording. Should I have her do it and then break up with her, or break up with her first and then have her do it?

–F Train

Overheard by: dianora

13-year-old girl on cell: What? You broke up with him? That’s so cruel! Um, can I date him?

–Thompson Street, The Village

Excited teen girl: This would be a great place to break up with some people!

–8th St Park

Girl on cell: They broke up? I always thought that them breaking up was like a joke, like saying you don’t like Brussels sprouts when you secretly do, but you just say it because it’s the first yucky vegetable that comes to your mind. But hey, that’s great!

–Outside the Frick Museum

Overheard by: A. Pincus

Guy, yelling from third story fire escape: Sarah! Sarah Whitlock! Don’t leave me! She meant nothing to me! Come back… Please! (pause) Okay, but I’m keeping the deposit!

–E 4th Street

Overheard by: Nima Shirazi

Posted on November 17, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Free stuff!, Friends, Guys, Hipsters, Money & Class, Museums, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Relationships, Shoes, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

These Wednesday One-Liners Have Wings

Queer, as someone is trying to push through the crowd: Throw menstrual blood at him! That’s the one thing girls can do to get back at guys! Throw menstrual blood at him!

–Roseland Ballroom

Dad to pre-teen daughter about mom: She is on the rag today. Don’t talk to her this moringing, she’s got an attitude.

–R Train

Girl: I have sexed my period away too!

–Bowery

Businesswoman: So yeah, it still really hurts. I guess it’s cause I got my period last night… [Sees a disgusted look on a male suit’s face.] Blood! Blood! Raaar!

–Wall Street

Overheard by: Withnail

Posted on November 17, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Blood & bleeding, Family Ties, Gender issues, Girls, Lower Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Queer guys, Theater, Threats, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women

Night of the Living Wednesday One-Liners

Prada-clad German professor: It is not chic to be dead, ja?

–NYU

Woman: Okay, I’ll see you later! Tell your wife I hope she finds the body!

–84th & 1st

Overheard by: Omar

WASP lady: Alan has been so much better since Maggie’s murder.

–Village-bound cab, 9th Ave

Overheard by: Tang

Woman: I don’t do death well.

–Chelsea

Dude: What does a ham sandwich have to do with the death of Christ?!

–Bleecker & Bowery

Women on cell: No, they only have male cadavers… Yeah, it is a bummer.

–Union St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Mitchell

NYU girl: It was amazing, and I also saw a dead guy on the street this morning. I saw Oprah and a dead guy all in one day!

–Starbucks, W 4th St

Posted on November 17, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Death, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liner, -Liner, Pants on Fire!

Guy pedalling rickshaw, on cell: No, I can’t get there. I have no bike right now. No, I’m on the train at the moment.

–34th & Broadway

Man on cell: No, I’m not outside!…I’m in the bank!…I’m in the bank…I’m telling you, I’m in the bank!

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Middle-Eastern dude on cell: Right now I am coming in a taxi cab from JFK Airport…Yes, well, I understand your concern, but you see, I am driving the taxi.

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: math tinder

Posted on November 15, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Lies, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Still Too Much Wednesday One-liners Information

Woman on cell: He wants a confetti cannon? A goddamned confetti cannon? No, I’m not…He is not getting a confetti cannon at the pier! I…Well, I like battery-operated dildos, but that doesn’t mean I’m getting one that shoots confetti all over the goddamned pier!

–William & Pine

Girl: So I told her, “I don’t think I’ve ever spooned with my mother before. No funny business.”

–Penn Station

Overheard by: ladolce

Man: Make sure you lick it a lot, then just stick it in. I’m telling you, I know. I’ve had my finger up many straight guys’ asses. Remember? I was in a fraternity.

–Prince Street rooftop

Overheard by: LJ

Chick on cell: I told that bastard I’d burn in hell before I fucked his ugly ass…in a nice way.

–Fluffy’s Cafe, 7th Avenue

Overheard by: Tabitha Graves

Girl: The only part I liked is when they were fucking in the back.

–7th Avenue & 13th Street

Girl: …so I Googled the rash to find more information about it. His friend told me he got it from bumping and grinding, but I just wanted to make sure I was safe.

–2nd Avenue & 4th Street

Overheard by: Cathleen Stumps

Posted on November 15, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Brother, Can You Spare a Wednesday One-Liner?

Girl on cell, pacing outside of restaurant: What happened to you? It was so good to run into you, but you look like a homeless person!

–St. Mark's Place b/w Ave A & 1st Ave

Guy to young girl: I think the homeless guy on my block has real self-esteem issues.

–Astor Place

Manager to hobo: Jesus Christ, don't let me catch you here again! The Radisson is right around the corner!

–McDonald's

Power walking suit on phone: I know, I've never actually seen a female hobo before.

–Grand Central

Suit on cell: So like, she was homeless, right? But she look gooood!

–6th & 19th

Overheard by: Sanam Skelly

Woman at red table with water jug: Help the homeless! C'mon! They don't like dat shit!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Cracka Jack

Posted on November 13, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Bosses, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Grand Central, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Psychology, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Care If You’re Listening

Conductor, speaking in a robot voice: Watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch… Sorry, my finger fell off the button. Watch the gap.

–LIRR

Train conductor: This is a Brooklyn-bound A experience to Lefferts boulevard. Have an optimistic day!

–A Train

Overheard by: soothed passenger

Conductor, in droll voice: For the fifteenth million time, there is train traffic ahead.

–1 Train

Conductor: This is 207th street, the last and final stop. Please collect all your personal belongings and leave the train. Goodnight and happy wabbit season.

–A Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Conductor: Thank you for riding on the C line, the best subway line in the whole, wide world.

–C Train

Overheard by: traPt

Conductor: If you want to get off at South Ferry, please go to the first five cars of the train. All passengers getting off at South Ferry, please move along the platform to the first five cars of the train. Yes, the front of the train is the direction the train was moving.

–1 Train

Conductor: We apologize for the delay, but this happens on the weekends. For info on service changes log onto www.mta.info. If you don’t have a computer, watch NY1, if you don’t have a TV, listen to 1010 Wins, if you don’t have a radio, call 718-330-1234, if you don’t have a phone, go home and wait for a miracle.

–N Train

Overheard by: subway rider

Posted on November 13, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Compliments, Conductors, Directions, Long Island, Nice People, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Trains Not Subway, Wishes & desires, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are Starting to Show

Aloof teen: So, other than getting robbed and coming back pregnant, how was it?

–27th & 6th

Overheard by: Seamus Diddy

Female cashier, looking over cover of Star magazine: Girl, Angelina is having twins?! I tell you what, that girl needs to get her some birth control pills -and you know why? Because she hot and if I was Brad Pitt I would keep knockin’ her up too.

–86th & 1st

Girl on cell: Ugh! I can’t believe she’s pregnant again! That makes futon baby number two!

–Forever 21, Union Square

Girl checking SMS, to friends: Oh shit…[Reads.] "Happy non mother’s day, pass this on to all your girlfriends and women you know who survived another year of not getting pregnant."

–Toys R Us Times Square

Overheard by: Non Father

Guy, chasing after pregnant woman in the fruit section: It’s not a boy? I swore you told me it was a boy! Honey! Come back!

–Whole Foods, Bowery

Overheard by: office peon