Wednesday One-Liner: The Diet Of Choice for Teenage Girls

Dude to another: One of us threw up in Joanna's underwear drawer, so she was really pissed.

–181st & Bennett

Girl to another: Well, you don't want to throw up in front of the guy you just had sex with!

–7th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Girl in diner booth: I'm about to throw up in my pants.

–Henry & Court

Overheard by: Alex

Train conductor lady: I am not playin'. People need to get home. Get all the way in or get off. If you are vomiting, please exit the train. I will keep this train right here and kick off every damn one of you wearing green.

–Penn Station, St. Patrick's Day

Guy, vomiting on tree: Man, fuck that tang.

–Carlton Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Zoe

Posted on August 5, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Clothing, Colors, Conductors, Drinks, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kick, Parades & Festitivites, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Sex, Staten Island, Street, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

And It Looked Funny, 'cause They All Had Mustaches

Child: I turned on the channel and then mommy started yelling “no, no, turn it off!”
Mother: She found a porn channel.
Child: I liked it, because everyone was kissing.

–Penn Station

Posted on July 30, 2009
Families, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Moms, Parents, Penn Station, Porn, TV

Wednesday One-Liner Repeats Itself

History geek: You laugh, but where would you be without the 18th century? The 20th century, not the 21st, that's where.

–New York Historical Society

Overheard by: Emily B.

Little boy looking at book about Presidents: I see John F. Kennedy, and I see Abraham Lincoln, and I see… what's his name? Hilary's wife?

–BookCourt, Brooklyn

20-something girl: There's this guy in my class who's like an Indian. But, I keep reading these things about how we were so horrible to the Indians and how there are none left, so where did he come from? Like, if there are none left, where did he come from?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Beth!

Woman to daughter: You know what Henry VIII ruled with? He ruled with his dick!

–Penn Station

Teenage girl on cell, yelling: Victorian era lesbians! Not Edwardian! Lesbians weren't nearly hot enough in the Edwardian era! Yeah, we should probably watch it together.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: I really hope it's porn

Posted on July 22, 2009
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Some Fairy Godmothers Are Harsher Than Others

Bimbette #1: So then I found out he hooked up with Amy while I was peeing in the bathroom.
Bimbette #2: Did you still sleep with him?
Bimbette #1: Yeah, of course! Why should I let her have all the fun? I just don't know what to do now, though cause I feel like I had her sloppy seconds.
Random lady sitting in front of them: Girls can you shut the hell up already? I'm trying to enjoy a quiet train ride home. No one here cares who you slept with, we all know you're gonna be with a different guy next week, anyway.
(girls jump up and run out of train car, one in tears)

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Couldn't hold back the laughs

Posted on July 20, 2009
Bimbettes, Crying, Hook Ups, Infidelity, Pee, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Public Transportation, Rumor Has It, Sloppy Seconds, Women

…First Of All, I Find That Incredibly Heteronormative…

Hobo to college graduate in cap and gown: Oh yeah boy! You got it going on! I bet you get all the bitches!
College grad: Well…

–Penn Station

Posted on July 18, 2009
Compliments, Hobos, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Students

White People Wish They Were Wednesday One-Liners

Black man passing out leaflets: And this woman here, you know she'd love to have a big black cock in her. Don't deny it, baby, you would.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: unimpressed and skeptical

Girl to friend, unknowingly a few feet away from black guy: Thank god there's no black people on this street.

–Steinway St

Black TA, walking in five minutes before class: Oh my god, am I early? Oh, no! I'm going against my people's stereotype!

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: kpan

Asian guy to another, loudly: The black girl doesn't sound black. How do they do that?

–Uptown W Train

Queer to another: So I want to get dreadlocks, like black people.

–W 14th & 6th

Black lady to staring white kid: That's right little boy, this is what a black person looks like.

–Outside Toys R' Us, Times Square

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Black People, Classroom, Colors, Friends, Girls, Hair, Height, Kids, KKK, NYU, On the Subway, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Time, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Remember This Tomorrow

Drunk girl to friend: No, 'cause my kids are gonna be city kids and your kids are gonna be country kids and my kids aren't gonna wanna talk to your kids!

–University Place & 12th

Overheard by: Mikalena

Drunk white girl: Who owns New York City? Who's got it on lock down more than Jay-Z?

–8th St & 3rd Ave

Drunken girl to friend: He's divorced. Is it okay if I fuck him?

–E 14th St

Overheard by: Mimi

Drunken bro, stumbling into hookah bar with friends: Do you think they have penis flavor?!

–Hookah Bar, 1st Ave

Drunk frat boy, sitting in trash can, drinking Bacardi Mojito bottle: This is the end man! This is the fucking end!

–Church & Canal

Overheard by: Ben

Drunk girl on phone: Hello? What happened? Your dad died? Oh…what? Your dog died? Oh, I though you said your dad died. Wait…are you laughing or crying? Cuz if you're crying, I hate you. Sorry, I'm on the train right now, and I'm drunk off my ass.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Igor Petrov

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Kids, Laughter, Man's Best Friend, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Penn Station, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

Do Wednesday One-Liners Get Published on Saturdays?

Boss: Wait, can I ask a city girl question? Do butterflies come from caterpillars??

–Office, 8th Ave

Overheard by: kpan

Tall blond tourist looking at Egyptian artifacts: So, are these, like, all real artifacts, or like, what? Know what I mean?

–The Metropolitan Museum

Girl to station agent: Can I go the other direction from here?

–W 103rd St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Blonde bimbo: Skydiving…is that the one done on water?

–Jerome Avenue Line

Woman, looking around crowded waiting area: I wonder how many people here are waiting for a train?

–Waiting Area, Penn Station

Overheard by: Not from New Jersey

Woman in elevator, after bumping into Al Roker: Wasn't that Tom Brokaw?

–Fisk Building

Posted on June 17, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Bosses, Clerks, Directions, Elevators, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insects, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Stupidity, The Met, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

We're Not Looking for Any Serious Wednesday One-Liners Right Now

20-something girl to two girlfriends: We've been dating for two months. Normally in my relationships, it's "he loves me, and I love me," but now I feel like he knows I like him, and that threatens me.

–Penn Station

8th grade boy to another: Aren't I the woman in this relationship?

–Bell Academy

Woman to friend: He said he wanted to dress me up, take me out, and show me off to the world. Instead we'd go out, he'd make me pay, and tell me how great everyone else looked.

–3rd Ave & 37th th

Cute guy in Yankees hat: I need a wild, destructive relationship for awhile.

–Brother Jimmy's, 81st & Amsterdam

Guy: Yeah, I just got over a long-term relationship. You know, two to three months.

–Starbucks, 67 & Columbus

Guy on cell: I don't know if I already told you this, but I don't have a job or a show. So we could go a date until the end of time.

–MacDougal & 7th St

Steve Guttenberg to way-too-young date: I like you and I would like to see you, just not every day.

–Upper West Side

Posted on June 17, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, B-List, Beauty, Dating, Friends, Gender issues, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Love, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Sexuality, Starbucks, Street, Students, The Village, Threats, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Meet the Wednesday One-Liners Who Wrecked the Economy

Suit on cell: I mean, imagine our mothers in Playboy…

–Borders, Penn Station

Overheard by: I'd Rather Not

50-something suit to others: Ya, we sold ten bags of herb and made $100.

–Wall St & William St

Overheard by: Mike D

Suit on cell: Hey, mom! Ma! 7 cents! You owe me 7 cents!

–5th Ave & 22nd St

Overheard by: Katie

30-something suit to hot female: I can't reassure you about your body while we're in bed, because that would imply that there's something going on between us.

–W Broadway & Houston

Man in suit: Every day I try to do something out of my comfort zone, like hanging out with you.

–Broadway & Murray St

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Body Parts, Crime and Punishment, Dating, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Porn, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness