Wednesday One-Liners Flunk the Polygraph

Woman on cell: I can't come. I'm in the Poconos right now.

–Rite Aid, The Bronx

Punk girl on phone: Hi mom…yeah… Yeah, me and Jane are just walking around in the neighborhood… Yeah, we're at the Time Warner center right now. No! No, of course I'm not on St. Mark's. No. I'd never go there. Of course I'm sober! Why wouldn't I be? Yeah. Okay, love you, bye! (hangs up phone, now to friend with beer) Gimme some of that!

–St. Mark's Place

Russian guy on phone (in Russian): Yeah, I'm on Avenue M. I just got off, I'll be there in a few.

–Q Train, Kings Highway

Overheard by: Robert

Dude on cell: Yo! What's up? I'm waiting at LaGuardia.

–Martin Luther King High School

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm on Long Island right now. I'll be here for a little while.

–Park Slope

Female suit on phone: I have to cancel dinner tonight, I had that meeting I told you about, remember? And I'm still not back yet. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in Jersey still.

–Washington Square Park

Woman on cell outside a pub: Honey? It's mommy. We're still at the hospital. I don't know, we could still be here for hours.

–1st & 72nd

Overheard by: Well, there were hospitals nearby, at least

Posted on September 16, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Fast Times at New York High, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Lies, Lower East Side, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Punks, Street, Suits, The Bronx, Time, Tourism, Travel, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Need to Be Consoled

Tech guy: It would suck to be a cow, then you couldn't play Street Fighter.

–Marymount Manhattan College

Blond girl, regarding Egyptian artifacts: This is just like a video game!

–The Met

Overheard by: Rachael and Ben

Mindless dude playing PSP: Damn! Why is this bitch calling me? (answers cell) What do you want, you made me stop my game! (pause) My game as in "my video game," psh! (pause) Shit, if I had any game I wouldn't be with a bitch that looks like you, now what do you want?

–A Train

Overheard by: token white chick

Ghetto kids, as 95-year-old Chinese lady walks into moving traffic: Damn, she think she playing Frogger!

–Chinatown

Friend to friend: I wonder how Super Mario Bros will influence my decision?

–Houston St & Broadway

Posted on September 12, 2018
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Chinatown, College, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Kids, Nerds, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Street, Stupidity, The Met, The Village, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Know. Wine and Beer Help Me Relax.

Guy: Hey, let’s go in there. They might have wine or beer.
Girl: Nah, I kinda wanna grab something hard.

–14th St, between 1st and 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Eve

Posted on September 6, 2018
Compare/Contrast, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Street, Wishes & desires, Words

Nobody Puts Wednesday One-Liner in the Corner!

Blonde white girl to another: And I was all like, "I'm not throwing the baby over the fence!"

–Spring St

Overheard by: Maria Emma

Girl to mother: Oh, look at daddy with the baby in one hand and the bottle of bourbon in the other. And in the morning, too!

–Williamsburg

Condom vendor: Obama and McCain election special condoms! 3 for $10 and 1 for $5, all cheaper than a baby!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Aalok

Mom with stroller to friend: She's incapacitated already, so she might as well have his baby.

–6th Ave & 4th St

Posted on August 6, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Drinking & Drunk People, For Sale, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, One-liners, Parents, Politics, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Soho, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liner Ink

Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart.

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Lyssa

Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t-shirt instead of on my chest and back.

–Prince & Lafayette

Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo?

–D Train

Overheard by: 4-dumb

Tourist grandmother to eight-year-old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy's new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jas

Posted on July 22, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Families, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insects, Insults, Kids, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Tattoos, The Village, Times Square, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Wiggers, Wishes & desires

…But I'm Gonna Have to Mace You Now, Sweetie.

Saleswoman: Hi, can I help you?
Rich woman: (ignores her)
Saleswoman: Hello…? Hi. How are you? Can I help?
Rich woman: What do you want?
Saleswoman: Um…I was just saying hello?
Rich woman: Oh! You were being friendly! How cute! Hello to you, too.

–3rd & Madison Ave

Posted on July 8, 2018
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Clerks, Friendship, Nice People, Offers and requests, Only in New York, Rich people, Street

Six Wednesday One-Liners Under

Girl on phone: Did he actually try to kill you, or is this like the time at the supermarket when you thought the cashier was coming onto you because he touched your hand giving you change?

–Time Square

HR person: I don't want to whack her until I have to. But I probably will.

–Broadway

Little boy to mom: Mommy, what does it feel like to die?

–7th & Carroll, Park Slope

Well-dressed man on cell: I know, we need to make sure that none of them live.

–8th St & Broadway

Seven-year-old girl to mom, after being scolded: I'm going to kill you.

–4 Train

Long Island woman: Well, sure, it's a great place if you want to be raped and murdered every day.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Cori

Posted on May 23, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clerks, Death, Girls, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Paranoia, Parents, Park Slope, Punch, Questions, Rape, Sensory Experiences, Should've Used a Condom, Street, The Village, Threats, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wine and Wednesday One-Liners

Female college student on cell: Sorry, there was an incident. She was eating string cheese, and I told her she looked like a walrus. So she tried to smack me in the face but she couldn't, and I ran into the bathroom. So she tried to hit me with the string cheese, but I was like your string cheese will get all fuzzy. So she smacked me in the face with the cheese.

–Penn Station

Girl on phone: And then I stuck a string cheese in the microwave. Yeah, in the wrapper.

–57th & 7th

Sexy guy, looking at orchestra program description of movement "con brio": Does that mean "with cheese"?

–Camerata Notturna Concert, W. 57th St

Overheard by: Ladle

Older European woman to another: She's fine with the reference to cheese. I mean, she can eat cheese, just not the real kind.

–Union Square

Hipster: So she writes everything down in her cheese diary…

–Bedford & 4th

Posted on May 16, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Apologies, Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Eurotrash, Food, Gadgets, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Language Barrier, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Street, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Better Not End Up on the Internet

30-something on cell: Mom, he came over and took a picture of my toilet!

–Spring & Greene

20-something chick: First of all, who poses bare-ass naked on a car in a Wal-Mart parking lot? Secondly, who bleaches their asshole? Third, who takes a picture of it and e-mails it to all their friends?!

–113th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Queer: He photographs really poorly. That’s a big problem for me…

–Starbucks, Washington Square

Overheard by: jess

Woman to friend: You know, just because I work with her doesn’t mean I have to look at photos of her placenta.

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: X. L. Percy

Posted on April 27, 2018
Asshole, Body Parts, Default, Friends, Girls, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nudity, On Cell, Pictures, Porn, Queer guys, Questions, Soho, Starbucks, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women