Unenthusiastic bro: It smells like fruit.
Overexcited skank: No! It smells like Abercrombie.
–56th St & 5th Ave
Unenthusiastic bro: It smells like fruit.
Overexcited skank: No! It smells like Abercrombie.
–56th St & 5th Ave
Girl to foreign friend: I wish my friend Lockdown lived here, but he lives in LA.
Foreign friend: Low down?
Girl: Lockdown.
Foreign friend: What is he?
Girl: Lockdown!
Foreign friend: Lookdown?
Girl: No! Lockdown.
Foreign friend: He's in jail ?
Girl: No, he's not locked up, he's Lockdown.
Foreign friend: So he's married?
Girl: No! His name is Lockdown. He's single.
Foreign friend: So, is he from Malaysia?
Girl: No, Michigan.
–N 6th St & Bedford Ave, Brooklyn
10-year old son to father: I'm going to punch you in the penis!
–Hudson & Desbrosses
Woman to 4-year-old: I do what I have to do to get things done. I'll even break some legs.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Girl to friend, sounding genuinely ecstatic: Yeah, he kneed me in the thigh, it was awesome.
–West Village
Woman on cell: Did you try changing its diaper? (pause) What about smacking it around a little and telling it to shut up?
–26th & 7th
Overheard by: Liz
Black man passing out leaflets: And this woman here, you know she'd love to have a big black cock in her. Don't deny it, baby, you would.
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: unimpressed and skeptical
Girl to friend, unknowingly a few feet away from black guy: Thank god there's no black people on this street.
–Steinway St
Black TA, walking in five minutes before class: Oh my god, am I early? Oh, no! I'm going against my people's stereotype!
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: kpan
Asian guy to another, loudly: The black girl doesn't sound black. How do they do that?
–Uptown W Train
Queer to another: So I want to get dreadlocks, like black people.
–W 14th & 6th
Black lady to staring white kid: That's right little boy, this is what a black person looks like.
–Outside Toys R' Us, Times Square
Man to little boy: I can't believe you've never played tic-tac-toe with a chicken in Chinatown.
–52nd & Lexington
Overheard by: Ed
Hipster guy: I don't know though, I can't Indian give those chickens, can I?
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: BKLover
Older black man to himself, entering train with moving box: I got a live chicken in this box! I don't know why god gave me a chicken. He knows I don't know what to do with one. (a few minutes later) I'm gonna sell her to the butcher shop and they're going to cut that motherfucker up!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: Mawy
Serious man, seeing dog carrying shopping bad in teeth: I am going to train a dog like that. I will train it to bring me chicken.
–73rd St & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Large black dude to large black friend: Yo, man, I am so tired of chicken! I mean, yeah, I know, I'm black…but man, I ain't eating no chicken at that party man. Don't even bring no chicken by me, cause I ain't eating none. Matter of fact, I ain't eating no chicken for Black History Month. I'ma start the movement! No chicken for Black History Month!
–Downtown 2 Train
Overheard by: Kosi
Woman to friend: I just don't understand these women. I mean, get your head out of your bush and look around!
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: rawr
Girl: Oh, I was wondering why my vagina was vibrating!
–Salvation Army, 11th & 4th
Man on sidewalk, waving arms: I can't, can't, can't, can't, can't get enough pussy!
–125th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: wonders why
Woman on cell: I get my pussy eaten out so much I don't even want it anymore.
–Staten Island Ferry
Girl on cell: Oh, come on, I can see her vagina from here!
–Court St & Dean St, Cobble Hill
Overheard by: Astigmatic
Student to professor: Yeah, man, you know, because every time I slap you five, now I feel like I'm slapping your father's ass.
–Suffolk County Community College
Overheard by: Wish I was paying attention
Trashy sista' on cell: Did you know you've been nominated for an award? (pause) Yeah, I know! I mean, it's just nice to even be nominated, issa' honor. Yeah, you wanna know whacha been nominated for? You been nominated for the world's biggest deadbeat daddy!
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: I don't work here
Demi-bum to another, looking at postcards at a convenience store: Oh, I want to send a postcard to my father: Doing shitty, wish you cared!
–Fulton & Water
Teen girl to friend: Of course I got him tested!…but he wasn't the father either.
–145th & Broadway
Guard: Did you hear about that 9-year-old girl who gave birth to her own twin? I'm serious! It was inside her stomach and then she gave birth to it. And the craziest part is that the twin was from another father!
–74th & Madison
Latina girl to friend: You know, I don't even know what I saw in that loser. I should've dumped his ass the first time he tried hitting on my dad!
–58th & 6th
Overheard by: Tim J.
Tired thug teen, wistfully: I'd dance like crazy in a basement.
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Two-year-old boy, pointing at three-month old baby: Isn't that guy in my dance class?
–Red Hook, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Swimfan
Clueless man to friend: What do you call male ballerinas anyway? Ballers?
–Cirque du Soleil Show, Randall's Island
Overheard by: TheGreenCat
Girl to friend: I didn't dance with him at all…I kept walking away from him…I wasn't actually a very good prom date.
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: wink
Metrosexual on cell: Do you have a large table in your apartment? Is it large enough for five men to stand on? Of course, we won't be dancing!
–Upper West Side
Drunk girl to friend: No, 'cause my kids are gonna be city kids and your kids are gonna be country kids and my kids aren't gonna wanna talk to your kids!
–University Place & 12th
Overheard by: Mikalena
Drunk white girl: Who owns New York City? Who's got it on lock down more than Jay-Z?
–8th St & 3rd Ave
Drunken girl to friend: He's divorced. Is it okay if I fuck him?
–E 14th St
Overheard by: Mimi
Drunken bro, stumbling into hookah bar with friends: Do you think they have penis flavor?!
–Hookah Bar, 1st Ave
Drunk frat boy, sitting in trash can, drinking Bacardi Mojito bottle: This is the end man! This is the fucking end!
–Church & Canal
Overheard by: Ben
Drunk girl on phone: Hello? What happened? Your dad died? Oh…what? Your dog died? Oh, I though you said your dad died. Wait…are you laughing or crying? Cuz if you're crying, I hate you. Sorry, I'm on the train right now, and I'm drunk off my ass.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Igor Petrov
Mother to little girl: Dammit! Stop that, you are not a cat!
Friend: What's she doing?
Mother: She's licking me! She meows too!
Little girl: Meow!
Female passenger: Meow!
(pause)
Little girl: Meow?
Female passenger: Meow!
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: Kat
