Wednesday One-Liners Up the Wazoo

Guy on cell: Wow! That's a lot of cookies. If I had that many cookies, I'd put a couple of them in my ass. (pause). It doesn't matter, I've got the space. I can't eat that many cookies.

–23rd & Lexington

Teen girl to teen boy: Unless you want a 9 millimeter stuck up your asshole.

–Grand Central Terminal

Girl on cell: Well, it's still rectal.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something girl to 20-something guy, quite loudly: Yeah, but putting a metal spike up his ass wasn't exactly what I had in mind!

–28th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Jar Aaron

20-something woman: Baby, I think we're going to keep the Thanksgiving dinner out of my asshole.

–Herkimer St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: M. Fresh

Posted on August 2, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Boys, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Food, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Street, Teens, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Shows What You Know– My Girlfriend's a Lesbian.

Street vendor: T-shirts, get your “I love New York” t-shirts! Only three dollars. Much better than you'd normally get at a store. T-shirts, get your t-shirts!
20-something guy to girlfriend: Too expensive, babe. Sorry.
Vendor to guy: Yeah, well your girlfriend can have one for free because of how amazing she was last night.

–Times Square

Overheard by: i LOVE new york

Posted on August 1, 2020
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Free stuff!, Infidelity, Money & Class, Sex, Street, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers

Figures Don't Lie

Girl: How long since we broke up is it okay for my ex to start having sex?
Guy: Who broke up with who?
Girl: I broke up with him last week. He slept with four girls since.
Guy: I think if you broke up with him, it's okay for him.
Girl: Damn, cause I only slept with one guy since. But I did cheat on him with three guys, so we're even.

–21st St

Overheard by: learning something new everyday

Posted on July 23, 2020
Breaking Up, Girls, Guys, Infidelity, Promiscuity, Questions, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Time

One Life to Wednesday One-Liner

Five-year-old boy to father: Is this an important life lesson?

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: A

Young Asian man to woman ignoring him: Hey, let's go get a falafel. Hey, hey–you live around here often?

–Union Square

Overheard by: serena

Woman, throwing McNuggets at man: Get the fuck out of my life!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Elliot

Frantic crazy guy: I'm gonna go have a seat in Starbucks and get my life together!

–6th Ave & 25th St

Overheard by: tbomb

Suit on phone: Well that's life, you screw people over and then you go to the Bahamas.

–Train into Penn Station

Posted on July 6, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Dads, Ethnic Food, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Philosophy, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Street, Suits, The Village, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Hang Weird Shit on Their Mirrors

Cab driver, getting cut off: Yeah, drive like you want that cheeseburger!

–Columbus Circle

Cabbie: I got in some trouble and my wife threw all my clothes out of the house. I never realized how many clothes I have! I know New York streets better than my own closet! (laughs)

–Cab, Broadway & Houston

Cab driver to colleague who just honked after he stopped for a pedestrian: What, you want me to kill him?

–Battery Park

Middle Eastern cab driver: I used to have a video store in Washington Heights. But the black bastard put me out of business! Can you believe it? After ten years the black bastard put me out of business! Do you now the black bastard on Dyckman? C'mon! Everybody knows the back bastard! Black bastard! Black bastard video!

–Cab, Washington Heights

Overheard by: Gene Gray

Cab driver: When you drive for ten hours a day, you learn that over 50% of drivers are, how do you say it…stupid.

–Queens

Overheard by: Fiasco

Posted on June 15, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Jobs & Careers, Junk Food & Fast Food, Laughter, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, NYC Geography, One-liners, Queens, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Time, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Thank God the Wednesday One-Liners’ Strike Is Over

Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Poogins

Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is "Desperate Housewives" on?!

–10th Street & 3rd Ave

Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: "I wanna forget you!" I was like: "Whaaaaaat? For real?" It was crazy, you gotta catch it!

–Times Square Office Building

Overheard by: SUSAN

Redhead: The "Brady Bunch" world is a world without urges.

–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.

–On the Bus

Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: "I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van."

–15th between 6th and 7th

Overheard by: Disunionsquare

Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]

–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square

Posted on June 3, 2020
A-List, About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bank, Black People, Buildings, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crazies, Crazy, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Homeless, Hootchies, Insults, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Street, Thugs, Time, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Women

A Geico Commercial Waiting to Happen

Hobo: I’m sick of this city, I tell you. Please help me get out of here…Hey, did you just give me 2 pennies?
Guy: 3, actually.
Hobo: Ah, motherfucker! What the hell am I going to do with this?

–Times Square

Posted on June 2, 2020
Guys, Hobos, Money & Class, Street, Times Square

Take Me Out to the Hallucination-of-a-Ballgame…

Vendor: Crackerjacks! Crackerjacks!
Very drunk woman: Crackerjacks?! What about LSD??

–Keyspan Park, Coney Island

Overheard by: Jamie

Posted on May 31, 2020
Coney Island, Drugs, Drunks, Hard Drugs, Stoners, Street, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One-liners Join the Jet Set

Southern woman on cell: I could not feel worse than I do right now…You will…Oh my god, they are gonna have to land that airplane so you can vomit.

–66th between CPW and Columbus

Overheard by: Charlie

Dirtbag: Man, I have to get over to Europe. I gotta sell a fucking kidney.

–St. Mark’s Place

Man on cell: Yeah baby, yeah, I’m still in London. Yeah, I’ll be back on Wednesday, baby.

–West 4th & Jane

Conductor: You’re now entering the country of Brooklyn. Please have your passports ready…

–F train

Overheard by: Paul Eng

Posted on May 15, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Health and Hygiene, Men, Money & Class, Not New York, On Cell, On the Subway, Street, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

The Unbearable Lightness Of Wednesday One-Liners

Rastafarian man to white basketball female player with dreads: Hey! Why you white people always trying to look like me!

–Union Square

Black guy selling Empire State Building tickets: You're from Scotland? I love the Scots… They're puuuuuuurrreee white!

–Outside Empire State Building

Black woman to another, about frat guys nearby: Man, white people are so loud.

–109th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Becks

Black hobo to white teen: Get out of this neighborhood with your white crotch! You don't belong here!

–Upper West Side

Black woman to cops walking away: But I'm a Caucasian!

–Bed-Stuy

Posted on May 13, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Athletes, Black People, Brooklyn, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Empire State Building, Frat Boys, Hair, Hobos, One-liners, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Questions, Race, Street, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women