Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster kid: I should just stop wearing underwear altogether.

–Loews Cinema, 84th St

Hipster girl on cell: Is it "i before e" or "e before i"? "E before i," right? I knew it was "i before e"!

–11th & Ave A

Overheard by: Jerome

Drunk hipster girl to boyfriend: I can't afford to buy drugs, I have to buy lunch on Wednesday.

–A Train

Overheard by: Jesse Jack

Angry hipster girl: Why are there so many ATMs everywhere?!

–6th St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Cash Money

Hipster girl, commenting on painting to friend: God, you see diamonds everywhere now. They're like the new antlers.

–Bushwick Art Loft

60-year-old woman to friend, at Met opening gala: I'm not going to go to the opera this year. There are no fancy entrances.

–62nd & Amsterdam, Improvised Met Entrance

Overheard by: Melissa

Crazy man to group of young women: Hello ladies, are you having a nice night? (women ignore him) You could just say "yes." I'm not Jack the Ripper, I'm not the Boston Strangler…look at you, walking all fancy and shit!

–125th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Anna

Tourist girl: Y'all, Times Square is so fancy. They have a red lobster!

–Times Square

Hobo: Red lobster? What kind of fancy guy do you know? You're lucky if I can buy you a slice of pizza.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: hungry4biscuits

Crazy guy on subway: You have to hold onto your valuables, your Christmas presents, your fancy lingerie…because if you put them down, someone will take them. People are really fast around here. Men, women, transvestites…transvestites are really fond of fancy lingerie.

–Northbound R Train

Overheard by: ElizabethB

Girl to friend: You mean the labia? No, that's a vagina part.

–13th & Ave B

Overheard by: Caroline

Woman to friend, in line for bathroom: I'm taking that medication that makes it really dry, again.

–Ethel Barrymore Theater

Overheard by: Crumb Doughnut

Cornelius, crazy hobo: Yo' pussy looks betta' than yo' face!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Lily London & China Rose

Monotone suit on cell: That pussy better be ready by the time I get home.

–Houston & Broadway

Girl on cell waiting for Port Jefferson train: Okay, be serious for a second, how do you know if you're allergic to latex, though? Really, cause dead honest, it's a puffed mushroom right now. I don't know what to do. Should I go see someone, do you think Henry would notice? Really, what if I turn off the lights?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Chester

Girl on phone: Yeah, I'm here. But I think I passed through the ghetto on the way. Yeah, it was definitely the ghetto. How do I know? It was really obvious: because I saw a sizzler and all the buildings looked the same!

–Penn Station

20-something girl, watching street protest: They better not have closed Popeyes for this.

–M Bus

Overheard by: BHM

Tiny white girl: I just want to go into Applebee's and punch everyone in the face.

–Times Square

Overheard by: that would pass the time…

Girl on cell: Look mom, there's a Jamba Juice. That place is like famous.

–Herald Square

Slob tourist chick to fat husband: I hate my life! Ooooh, Olive Garden!

–Times Square

Overheard by: BarcLeh

Man exiting subway: No, thanks, I've had enough urine in my nose today.

–14th St & 8th Ave

Guy, infatuated with female friend: If I had a pool I'd let you pee in it.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Chadwick

Sturdy guy to chubby girls: We're men! We pee in the park!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: mmhmmm

Mad boyfriend beside girlfriend: No! No! No! I know how you are! I know how they are! All you have to do is pee and…

–Steinway St.

Overheard by: Dustin

Loud girl: Ugh, I wish I had a penis so I could pee on all ya asses.

–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amused Freshman

Little boy to brother: I have all the power! Do not make me pee-pee on you again!

–Throop & Pulaski

Overheard by: Melissa Kairuz

Short girl: Yo, Friday? I'm getting done. Done! Getting saucy. Saucy! With two double Es. "Sau-cee!" Like pasta! Nigga, I get buns!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ben B.

Office drone to coworker: So yeah, they have this like big place in the city. But they have a patio and a garden and they cook every single night. They cook on their patio! But not like my cooking. Not cereal. They make braised lamb.

–32nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Marie Z.

Teen on cell: Mmm, that peppercorn brandy sauce was gangster.

–72nd & Colombus

Overheard by: Lauren

Random dude: Maybe they'll let you put a biscuit on lay-away.

–KFC, 106th & Broadway

Guy on cell: So, I just need to get some toilet paper, tomato soup, and chain myself in the room for a while.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Brigdh

Eight-year-old kid to mother, referring to generic cereal: Yo, they've got bootleg Froot Loops!

–Target, Atlantic & Flatbush

Overheard by: Ravi

Guy rushing past crowd: Why would I go to work on the day of Barneys Warehouse sale…are you insane?

–78th & Broadway

20-something white guy: Enough of this hippie shit. Let's go to the four floor Abercrombie.

–Strawberry Fields

Overheard by: Alison

Girl: I was so depressed. I actually almost bought that leather jacket from Express. Whose bright idea was it to have the MCAT testing center in a shopping district?

–1 Train

20-something woman to another: Wow, it's just like the Westchester mall here, only outside.

–Bleecker & W 10th

Very Caucasian tourist: Holy frick! Where is The Gap?

–42nd & Broadway

Middle aged woman in hot pink, yelling: I won't shop today! I will not shop! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I will not fucking shop today! I won't shop! Fuck you!

–Urban Outfitters

Blonde chick to dude: Isn't he, like, koreish?

–F Train

Dude on cell: It's not even like a relationship, it's all texting, it's a textationship.

–22nd & 1st

Overheard by: loves it

Girl on cell: She was all slippy and shit.

–SoHo

Student to another: The trouble with you is that you got the wrong misconception.

–Broadway & 116th

Overheard by: Cousin Al

Mom, upon examining young son's pruney toes: Jake! What's wrong with your toe? Look, the skin is coming off, it's like you're molding! Just like a little bird! Your foot is molding!

–Prep School Swimming Pool

Overheard by: I dream of Jean

Teen on payphone: Listen! Mah words isn't what I'm sayin!

–Fulton & Broadway

Overheard by: Mondo Man

Woman on cell: You thought he was gonna shit on you? Sit? Spit? You gonna need to step up your English game.

–Fulton Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Johnny Twisto

Black guy: That show was so white, I just wanted to bomb the place.

–W 49th & Broadway

Overheard by: Erin

19-year-old street vendor: Well, pipe bombs are easy…but they do a lot of damage.

–Chinatown

Guy dressed in sequined jacket, screaming on escalator: I can't fucking believe this fucking shit. They have no fucking radios. What K-Mart got no fucking radios? No fucking radios! (after a long pause) I'm gonna bomb this muthafucka to the ground.

–K Mart, 8th St

Overheard by: I Didn't Know the Unibomber Got a Makeover

Man on phone: Do you know why they bombed on 7/11?

–50th St & 9th Ave

20-something girl to friend, after large explosion is heard: Well, I'm from Detroit, so when I hear things like that it doesn't even bother me.

–Union Square Holiday Market

Overheard by: isa

Woman, as a grungy guy walks by: Whenever I see sullen long-haired bearded men in army jackets I am afraid something is going to get blown up.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Old man in laundry room: I saw a young man the other day put about 8 Levi's in this little machine, here. They came out with soap all over them because he didn't give them enough room. I turned to him and said, "young man, you need your mother."

–25th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Adam and AMC

Old man, yelling at a passing ambulance with blaring sirens: Oh, shut the fuck up. Goddamnit!

–Broadway & Washington Place

Little old lady, passing a steep cellar: Wow. I wouldn't want to be drunk going down those stairs.

–Broome Street b/w Allen & Eldridge

Overheard by: always take the elevator

Little old lady to physical therapist: Can I Facebook friend you?

–Parkside Physical Therapy, 100th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Old Greek man to another: Ya gotta use ya mind, ya money, and ya mouth. Mmm. The three Ms.

–Ditmars

Overheard by: ashley

Old lady with walker to nurse: I just love fresh air and a cigarette.

–5th & B

Overheard by: Adam Glaser

Older man to waiter: You didn't tell me that soup wasn't included. I can't believe you're charging someone of my generation for soup. I shouldn't have to pay for just water, chicken, and rice. Some of us here are on a fixed income. (to neighboring table) You be careful! Your bill's going to come to $30! (pays at register) You should have told me. Now I hope you're happy that tomorrow an old man won't be able to afford his medicine.

–New Wave Cafe, 79th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK