Wednesday One-Liners Are Working on a Perfume Line

Flustered suit pacing along street: Just letting you know I got a FedEx from Bruce Willis, I guess he finally decided to pay his bills.

–84th St

Overheard by: mikaela

Man to dinner companion: So did you know Mia Farrow is doing a hunger strike? Because of what's happening in Darfur? I hope she dies.

–Red Bamboo, West Village

Transvestite: Damn, that girl looks like Brooke Shields. Damn, that white girl in the blue shoes looks like Brooke Shields.

–4 Train

Man giving out Metro newspaper: Metro! Metro! Whoooeee, baby, you looking like Jennifer Lopez! Metro!

–7 Train

Suit on cell: If he does it again I am going to get all Chuck Woolery on his ass!

–Gold St

Posted on March 9, 2016
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Men, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Politics, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Threats, Trannies, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners (the King James Version)

Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then louder.] If the Amish can do it, so can you!

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Lady on cell: You tell my momma to get her ass to church and stop sinning!

–Grand Concourse, 205th St.

Overheard by: LSB

Black guy to another: Go to the Catholic church, cracka. They got good drugs.

–11th & A

Middle Eastern man: I believe in Islam and Allah, but I drink, I smoke, and I fuck. When I stop doing those things, then I’ll pray.

–C Train

Overheard by: Mark

Thug: I totally invented the Chuck Norris religion.

–Queens Mall

Overheard by: LSB

Posted on March 9, 2016
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Black People, Celebrities, Church, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Islam, Malls, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Queens, Religion, Sex, The Bronx, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Women

Wednesday One-liners Teach Your Children Well

Pregnant woman to 3-year-old son: Do you remember what happened last time you licked the subway? That’s right. You threw up.

–4 train

Overheard by: Leora

Parent: My son is only two years old, sittin’ at the bar, talkin’ ’bout “old school.” How you gon’ talk ’bout “old school” when you two years old? I think my brother taught him that.

–Merrill Lynch lobby, Broadway & Park Row

Mom to 4-year-old: Stop crying and take a moment and think about how you feel.

–Broadway & 104th

Posted on March 8, 2016
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Family Ties, Kids, One-liners, Parents, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Wednesday One-liners Need a Planner

Drunk girl: Hey guys? I can’t believe today is already Saturday! That means tomorrow is Sunday! Whatever happened to yesterday? I guess that was Friday. But whatever happened to Friday night?

–6 train

Overheard by: Skye

Posted on March 8, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, On the Subway, People, Places, Time, Topics

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.

–K-Mart, 34th St

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.

–100th St & Broadway

Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ayenbird

Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.

–14th St & 7th Ave

Posted on March 7, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Food, For Sale, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Pictures, Punks, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners and Tigers and Bears–Oh, My!

Young woman to another: But do you know how big a horse dick is?

–5th Ave & Carroll, Park Slope

Girl: I'm really tired. I'm, like, an animal activist right now.

–Parking Lot, Broadway Mall

Overheard by: Lysa

Student: I'm not that sensitive. I can watch those videos where they like, torture the animal or whatever, and then I'll go eat it.

–Cardozo Law School

Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Panda?

–NYU Dining Hall

Columbia girl: I'd never have asked if I knew he was the one who'd killed it. But I didn't suspect him. Who'd spend their time strangling a gerbil?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Who'd have thought?

Guido to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.

–Penn Station

Lady on speaker: If you have an animal, please do not put it through the X-ray.

–LaGuardia Airport

Posted on February 28, 2016
Advice, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Asians, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Guidos, Height, Junk Food & Fast Food, LaGuardia Airport, Malls, Murder, NYU, One-liners, Park Slope, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Politics, Questions, Scents of the City, School, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Students, Stupidity, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesdays Strap on Their One-Liners

Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs?

–Greenpoint Ave

Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink?

–Cook St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: cameo

Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious!

–Rockafeller Plaza

Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!

–Pillow Fight, Union Square

Overheard by: Anna P.

Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden!

–37th St & 8th Ave

20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys!

–Topshop

Posted on February 27, 2016
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Death, Dildos and Vibrators, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Kink, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Prostitution, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Stab, Store, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday’s Gonna Have a Little One-Liner

Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!

–Grand Central

Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant!

–TGI Fridays

Overheard by: Sara

Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts!

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Hannah

Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex.

–Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th

Overheard by: jmike

Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time!

–96th St station

Overheard by: Kind of Confused

20-something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Posted on February 25, 2016
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Columbia (& Barnard), Crime and Punishment, Duane Reade, Frat Boys, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Grand Central, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Rack, Restaurants & Cafes, Security Guards, Sex, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Tweens, Weirdness, Women

Wednesdiverse Multi-Liners

Soulful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Neverland. (nods knowingly)

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Bearsian

Gallery director to intern: So after he was arrested we sent a letter to Henry Gates asking him for money, you know, since we are a multicultural organization.

–Lower East Side Art Gallery

Latina to Latino: Latinos and black people can't be racist. That's, like, just white people.

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

White hobo: When I see a black nigger together with a white nigger, that just confuses the hell outta me.

–Houston & Clinton

Woman: She likes black dogs because she's black, and I like white dogs because I'm white.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Yehuda

Posted on February 19, 2016
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Bosses, Brooklyn, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Hobos, Latinos, Lower East Side, Man's Best Friend, Men, Money & Class, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Race, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Turn the Meter On

Cabbie, as man opens passenger-side door: Wait. I am not mentally prepared for this!

–W 50th

Cabbie on cell: Hello? I’m going to beat you up… ‘Cause I want to!

–23rd & Lex

Exasperated cabbie: Why is there a house driving down Delancey Street?

–Delancey & Chrystie

Overheard by: Les Chinatown

Cabbie on cell: No, no, it is not possible. I cannot possibly be back in the city by then — I am at the airport…I could maybe make it back into the city to see you in, like, two hours if traffic isn’t bad in the Bronx. Man, the airport is really packed today.

–99th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Laughing in the back

Cabbie, after getting cut off by another: Goddamn cabbies.

–30th & 5th

Posted on February 19, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Insults, Lies, NYC Geography, Psychology, Public Transportation, Punch, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

All Wednesday One-Liners