Middle-aged woman: I really never cared for skiing, but I was so alone in my marriage, I found it was a great way to meet men.
–Burritoville, 77th & 2nd
Meathead #1, to meathead #2: Hey! Want to go to a ballroom club?
–47th & Madison
Guy, to passersby: Game of chess? Play chess? Chess?…Also got chronic.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Phil
Little white boy to frustrated black nanny who is trying to hail a cab: My daddy always gets a taxi!
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: Dan
Little boy: This place is like a dead zoo.
–American Museum of Natural History
Four-year-old boy: Yo, this sofa is mad comfy!
–Used Furniture Store, Staten Island
Four-year-old boy: That’s enough, I’m calling Interpol!
–A Train
Overheard by: Swarles
Little girl to mom after terrible Skyride attraction: Mommy, can we never do this again?
(random guy behind her starts laughing) Stop it! Stop laughing at me!
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Claire
Eight-year-old boy: This museum is inappropriate.
–The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Greek & Roman Sculpture Wing
Overheard by: Taylor
Man selling CDs: If you like the Mets, you will love my album!
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: nicole
Mets fan: I don’t care if I have one lung, or only have half a pancreas, or if I lose a leg falling in front of the train. As long as the Mets win, I’m good to go.
–7 train
Asshole, pointing to guy with Red Sox bumper sticker on his wheelchair: He’s a Boston fan; let’s kick his ass! Oh wait, looks like God beat us to it.
–126th & St Nick
Conductor, on PA: That Johnny Damon. He sure looks like Jesus. But he sure throws like my little sister.
–Amtrak train out of Penn Station
Overheard by: Lisita
MTA worker: All people for the Mets game, go to your right. All people for the US Open, if any, go to your left.
–Willets Point-Shea Stadium subway station
Overheard by: Emily
Thugette: Yo, when I make it in show business, I will not speak to Ben Affleck. When I found out he’s a Red Sox fan, I decided then and there.
–Q65 bus
Overheard by: A White Bear
Conductor: 161st Street, Yankee Stadium. Let Big Papi know who the real MVP is.
–D train
Overheard by: Lindsay J.
Dude: Well, the other day she said, “I want you to fuck me in the park.” So we went to the park, went behind some bushes where there was a clearing and bam, bam, bam. Then I came on her face.
–116th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: fannybaum
Man: So yeah, he went away to a fairy commune, but I hear he’s having a really good time.
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: Gabriel and Lauren
Yuppie screenwriter girl: So I was a very precocious child. Or whatever, y'know. And I just wanted to explore that dynamic a little bit? Basically it's a buddy picture between the little me and the big me.
–14th & 8th
Yuppie woman: And what do I say to that? "I have a smack habit, give me money"!
–St. Mark's Place
Yuppie man: If I hear "breast milk cupcakes" one more time…
–Outside Gotham Bar and Grill
Yuppie, thoughtfully: It's not the mustard, it's what the mustard represents!
–Food Emporium, 2nd Ave
Tourist backpacker with hands on subway doors: Do these open on their own?
–1 Train
Tourist mom to uncool son: Well, that's what you get for trying to be a hipster!
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: j
Tourist: Holy moly, look at that Olive Garden! It's huge! I wish I lived here!
(takes a picture of the restaurant)
–Times Square
Obese Midwestern woman to obese Midwestern man: Oooh, Applebee's… Now I feel at home here!
–Times Square
Southern tourist guy: I thought people in Greenwich Village would look stranger.
–Bleecker Street
Tourist from west coast, after observing the locals for a few innings: You know, Seinfeld makes so much more sense to me now.
–Cheap Seats, Coney Island Cyclones
Overheard by: Kevin Eliasen
Bus driver: The next stop on this bus is Fifth Avenue. Please have your passports ready!
–M79 bus
Bus driver: This is the Manhattan number one bus. Destination: San Juan, Puerto Rico.
–M1 bus
Bus driver: East Tremont Avenue, transfer to the 40 and 42… Put on those running shoes, there’s the 40 now!
–Fordham-bound Bx22 bus
Overheard by: Black Knight
Bus driver: Okay, now everyone move to the right side of the bus. We’re running on three wheels today, and we have to stay balanced.
–M14 bus
Overheard by: Almost moved to the other side of the bus
Bus driver: To your right you’ll see a bronze statue of Adam Clayton Powell, first black member of Congress… Looks like he’s runnin’ from the cops.
–125th & Adam Clayton Powell Blvd
Overheard by: sueinthecity
Bus driver, about jackhammers outside: Do you hear that, people? That’s the sound of real labor! [Plays the sound of the jackhammers on the intercom] Embrace it!
–Q88 bus
Teen boy: Dude, if Chelsea ever spread her legs, bats would fly out.
–1 train
Guy: Getting a blow job from her was like fucking a blow up doll.
–4th & A
Overheard by: cio
Guy: 50,000 people?! By the law of averages, I should get some!
–81st & Broadway
Guy on cell : Listen, the manager said he wants to see anal and he wants to see swallow…
–55th & Broadway
Overheard by: Marko
Guy: For all the years I’ve lived in New York, most of the girls I’ve taken home have been from the subway.
–Washington Heights
FedEx guy: It felt like 100 miles between kissing her and fucking her.
–48th between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: John Gullotta
Tech director: I don’t need dirty, rusty, random screws.
–Lincoln Center Institute
Overheard by: Brina
Excitable Islamic Studies professor: … And what happened when the woodcutter spoke to Mohammed? Yes! He gave him wood! This man, he gave Mohammed wood! And why could only this man give Mohammed wood? Just because he was a woodcutter? No! And do you know what happened when this man gave Mohammed wood? Mohammed’s wood exploded into flowers! Yes!
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: amelia
Man on conference call speakerphone: Our card penetration was not what we expected from the district. Lucy*, can you tell everyone how you got such good penetration at your store this month?
–The Gap, Queens
Conductor: No! No doors in my rear! Not in my rear!
–A train, Broadway Junction
Overheard by: amused
Grandmother tourist to granddaughter: Wanna grab a pole, Lacey?
–6 train, 51st St
Overheard by: With a name like that……
Chick on cell: I sat on a Camelback’s nipple, and now my ass is wet.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
Woman with big bag squeezing past for a seat: Sorry — once I’m in, you won’t even feel me.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Rebecca
