Wednesday One-Liner Like an Egyptian

Guy on cell: I'm walking down St. Marks, and I'm having psychological issues. That's why I'm calling this NYU support number.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: A preponderance of hipsters can sort of do that to you…

Stylish guy on phone: No, I do not have time to check if anyone is gesticulating at me, I'm walking to Chipotle!

–Sock Man, St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Rachel Isadora

Thick-accented gentleman: You nevah saw that movie? Penguins walkin'?

–Smith & Wollensky's Steakhouse

Overheard by: kritta

Too-tan Columbia student: Oh my god! You should totally have picked up your phone the other night because I was totally ready to, like, walk by myself down 122nd Street to the d train, alone, at like, midnight! Even though I know it wouldn't have been very safe to do that, I was ready!

–Uptown 2 Train

Woman to another, holding the strings to 100 helium balloons: You never walk my balloons!

–Lafayette & Cumberland, Fort Greene

Overheard by: Brenda

Posted on October 6, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Brooklyn, Film, Food, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Psychology, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

It Rubs the Wednesday on Its Skin, or Else It Gets the One-Liners Again

Woman on cell: You did what? No. No, the key is with the handcuffs.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: argonaut

Neighbor heard through thin dorm wall: Yeahhhhh, I'm a bad boy. You wanna spank me?

–Pratt Institute

NYU girl to friend: I think Jesus wore latex.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Mimi

Hippie woman on cell: Okay, why don't you just untie each other and come on down so we can talk about this?

–50th St & Park Ave

Posted on October 5, 2014
Brooklyn, Hippies, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, S&M, Students, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Want Angelina Jolie to Adopt Them

Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"

–Fulton St

Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom!

–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn

Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine.

–Downtown 2 Train

Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!

–10th & 53rd

Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby.

–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Bryan Bruner

Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.

–Metro-North Rail Tracks

Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice

Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!

–Broadway

Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez

Posted on October 3, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Babies, Black People, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Family Ties, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Poop, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prison, Public Transportation, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Street, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

He’s Got an Urgent 1 O’Clock to Get To

Hobo: You have a quarter for a cup of coffee?
Suit: Excuse me, can’t you see I’m on the phone?
Hobo: I don’t have time for games!

–42nd & 7th

Posted on October 2, 2014
Anger Management, Hobos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, Suits, Times Square

Alcohol and Nicotine, That’s the Way to Go

Guy on cell: Are you serious?…You really should stop smoking weed and smoking crack.

–CVS, 6th Ave. & Bleecker

Posted on October 2, 2014
Hard Drugs, On Cell, Weed, West Village

Are You Ready for the Sex, Wednesday One-liners?

Guy on cell: Of course I hate her! However, that’s not gonna stop me from fucking her.

–Park Slope

Girl: Your mouth is warm. Lick my face.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: Sara R.

Man on cell: I don’t see what the big deal was. It was only a blowjob.

–Greene Street between Spring & Prince

Posted on October 1, 2014
BJs, On Cell, One-liners, People, Pick-up Lines, Sex, Sex & Relationships

“…hold on, I’ve got the kettle on the other line.”

Bitch on cell: You know what my number one pet peeve is? Intolerence!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Posted on September 30, 2014
Biotechs, On Cell, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liner Often Wonder How It Started To Be Spelled That Way

Girl: …well it stopped working 'cause it got cum in it.

–W 27th St

Chick: I'm starving. The only protein I've had all day is an accidental cum shot to the face earlier this morning.

–SoHo

Guy to friends: If y'all was to really write it down and make a… a food chain of all of who used to date who, and who's dating who now, I bet you y'all got all the same juices running up in y'all system.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Passing guy on cell: All I'm saying is everyone should have control over where their sperm goes.

–7th Ave

Hoochie on cell : Because I manage to get very juicy.

–L Train

Drunk girl at restaurant holding a champagne bottle: Excuse me, sir, can you open this for me? I'm afraid it's going to cum everywhere.

–Kaleidoscope, E 10th St

College dude: I bet there's semen somewhere on this grass.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on September 30, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cum, Dating, Drinks, Drunks, Etiquette, Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hootchies, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Union Square and East Village, Words

Another Year Older and None the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on cell: Happy birthday! (pause) Okay, call me when you're drunk!

–45th St

Girl on cell: Then when I volunteered to give her to him on his birthday.

–Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Vincent L.

Crazy guy: I'm turning 65 tomorrow… Stayin' away from hoes…

–St. Mark's & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Guy to friend: I am boycotting your birthday if I can see your butt cheeks in your outfit.

–23rd & 3rd

Posted on September 29, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Birthdays, Brooklyn, Clothing, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners: Guaranteed to Rot Your Teeth.

20-something women in yoga gear, simultaneously: It was like a blessing in cake form.

–Astor Place

Girl: I'm too single to eat a brownie.

–NYU Library

Guy on cell: Soft Serve is so good, you will step in dog poop and not even care!

–14th St b/w 7th & 8th

Serious guy on his way out of restaurant, to girl: So all we need are aspirin and Skittles.

–Angelo's Pizza

Assertive little boy in shopping cart seat, grabbing mom's face: I want to buy a chocolate croissant and eat it. Do you understand what I'm saying?

–Food Coop, Park Slope

Overheard by: Jenny

Posted on September 28, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Library, Man's Best Friend, Medicine, Moms, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Poop, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

On Cell