Wednesdays Become One-Liner With the Universe

Young child to mother: I am not psychic.

–Downtown B Train

Overheard by: furf

Normal-looking guy: But we have the complexity of magic!

–NYU

Asian Bikram instructor: Listen to your breast and find your inner piss.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Bikram Curious

Thug on cell: You don't know what kind of drugs they gave you, or if you really blacked out. But you have to understand that the spiritual world and the physical world are two different things. (pause) I don't have evidence of a spiritual world. (pause) You know that guy Des-cart? That's his name, right?

–Hunter College

Overheard by: trapped@hunter

Guy on phone: Listen, Julian, you are a shit-ass excuse for a friend. You can lick the peanut butter from between my toes. (pause) Listen, Julian, I'm on the other line with my psychic, let me call you back.

–49th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Lara

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Drugs, Food, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, Insults, Kids, Magic, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Pee, Philosophy, Psychic, Rack, Science, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Will Totally Steal Your Picnic Basket

20-something girl in chucks to another: No, I will not get rubber boots. What do I look like, fucking Paddington Bear?

–CVS

Boy: I bet if I had three of me I could take on a grizzly bear.

–Columbia

Overheard by: Megan

Small, well-dressed girl: I want to eat the heart of a bear!

–Bohemian Hall, Astoria

Overheard by: Joseph

Guy on cell: You don't even know what the Care Bears are about!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Fresca P.

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Boys, Central Park, Columbia, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Guys, Insults, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, Shoes, Store, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Use the Litter Box

College dude in enthusiastic conversation: I would totally be a cat-sniffer.

–113th St & Broadway

Tall man in heavy German accent: What do you mean the cat can't take a poopy because it is too loud?

–2 Train

Overheard by: Anna

Flaky professional girl: I hate when people are like, "hey, look at that dead bird! Hey, look at that dead cat!" because god, I always look first!

–42nd & 6th

Overheard by: amalthya

Girl on cell: Now you need to marry him for the discounted cat food!

–10th st & 1st Ave

Posted on December 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Columbia University, Death, Food, Foreigners, Frat Boys, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Gripes, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Poop, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday Flatliners

Girl on cell: You told me that bitch was dead, but I just saw her in Key Food.

–Williamsburg

Middle school girl: No, he wasn't dead, but you'll never guess what happened.

–Penn Station

Man on phone: No! No! Do you hear me!? Listen! It's time to die!

–33rd & Broadway

Overheard by: J Harmony

Man on cell: I went back into the room 30 minutes later and he was still breathing! What are we going to do?

–8th & 34th

Overheard by: Bret B

Adorable three-year-old girl to mother: When I die you can have all of my shiny stuff!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Posted on December 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Death, Gifts, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Street, Students, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Hey, Boys and Girls, It's Wednesday One-Liner Time!

30-something blonde in office attire on cell: You need to tell Vanessa that she can't be on the show because she's not overweight enough, and s not unattractive enough.

–Whole Foods Market, Chelsea

Syracuse University girl, going up escalator: I feel like I'm in Star Trek! (begins humming Indiana Jones theme)

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Mickey

20-something gaysian: Yeah, he watches Hannah Montana so I don't get why he makes fun of me for watching iCarly!

–Washington Square Park

Teen: I watched I Love Lucy last night. She's funny; she's like the Jim Carrey of the 1920s or something.

–UA School of Music and Art

20-something preppy kid to mother: You know, they really should have a reality show about Midtown.

–54th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Pedro

Posted on December 9, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Disney, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Preppies, Queer guys, Students, Stupidity, Teens, TV, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Whole Foods

Hey, That's Our Line.

Girl on cell: Okay, I've got to get naked for my cousin. Bye!
Random passerby: Say what?

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Posted on December 8, 2009
Family Ties, Girls, Incest, On Cell, Strangers

Bless Me, Father, for I Have Wednesday One-Linered

Man in cowboy hat, looking at large crowd surrounding a Jew for Jesus: Man, I can't compete with religion, all I got are card tricks! This sucks!

–Union Square

Overheard by: SilentRaver

Guy on cell: Why, is it because it's the blacks? (pause) Oh, I get it. It's the Baptists.

–Cosi, 13th & Broadway

Overheard by: Heather

Crazy creepster, going up to Catholic girls and screaming: Catholic schoolgirls rule!

–R Train

Overheard by: Amanduh

Tall, 40-something guy on cell: I don't know… I don't think I can go drunk to church.

–53rd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Midtown Schmidtown

Woman: My husband is pissed because I skipped church for this shit!

–Medieval Festival, Ft. Tryon Park

Posted on December 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bars & Clubs, Catholics, Christianity, Church, Crazies, Creepsters, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Gripes, Guys, Jesus, Judaism, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Race, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

You're Not Exactly Sidney Poitier Yourself, Smart Guy.

Drunk girl on cell, passing Hugh Grant: Yeah, I know, right? Oh, wait, there's Hugh Grant.
(Hugh Grant turns around)
Drunk girl to Hugh Grant: Wow, you're a shitty actor!
Brad Garrett, pointing and laughing at Hugh Grant: Hahahahahaha!

–72nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on November 23, 2009
A-List, About Celebrities, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Insults, Laughter, On Cell, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Paint with All the Colors Of the Wind

Young guy: If I see another blue penis it would be too soon!

–42nd St

Overheard by: alecko

Girl on cell: She just bought a merkin… It was pink, you know, to match her hair. (pause) Would you want to rub toxic dye down there?

–Williamsburg

Girl to another: Just because he is wearing a different colored shirt, he's still the same guy.

–Central Park

Flamboyant guy, shouting to girl in very short orange dress: I have that same orange dress in purple!

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Green Star

Mother to four-year-old wearing pink shirt and shoes: Not *everything* has to be pink, honey.

–Rite Aid, Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on November 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Clothing, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Hair, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Shoes, Store, Street, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Didn't Mean It Like That

Mother to two-year old son: Zachary, I am not continuing this discussion with you all day long! If you don't like what's in your mouth, just spit it out!

–Dunkin' Donuts

Nerdy Jewish Barnard girl on cell: I can just imagine it in my mouth, the taste of it.

–116th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sully

Young boy running with soaked t-shirt: I need to be squirted! Somebody has to squirt me!

–89th St

Father to young daughter: Want me to squirt it in your mouth?

–Astoria

Overheard by: Mark

Foxy Fox news producer to another: I know you wanted something hard, so I slipped you Shively!

–Starbucks