Wednesday One-Minors

Seven-year-old boy to father: Did you know that when you get into middle school, all the girls care about is whether you're rich and have a cute ass? In elementary school, they only care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Tara

Small boy to teacher in increasingly panicky voice: Is this Narnia? We're not Narnians yet, right?!

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: Narnia @ NYU?

Five-year-old to three-year-old brother: Listen, we're going to have food all winter. It's hibernation. You know what hibernation is, don't you? Hibernation is when animals eat a lot of food and sleep all winter. We're gonna hibernate!

–M104 Bus

Overheard by: Samantha

Little kid: Grandma, smell this! It's Obsession for Men!

–Bergdorf Goodman

Sobbing five-year-old girl to mom in CD section: I wanna download, I don't wanna waste my money.

–Borders, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Can records labels sue toddlers?

Posted on September 19, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Beauty, Books & Writing, Brothers, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Elementary & Middle School, Families, Fashion, Fears, Food, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Music, NYU, Old People, On the Bus, One-liners, Queens, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Shopping, Store, Students, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Have an Announcement

Old guy: The Viagra’s working!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Robb Briggs

Posted on August 19, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Old People, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Sex

Maybe I’m Squeezing You Too Hard (AKA Escape from the Port Authority)

Guy: Dude, is it just me, or does it hurt when you pee too?

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Kris

Posted on August 17, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Guys, Idiots, One-liners, Pee, Port Authority, Questions, STDs

Wednesday Off-the-Rack-Liners

20-something man on cell: I just bought another Transformers t-shirt. That means I am one Transformers t-shirt away from being able to only wear Transformers t-shirts.

–9th Ave & 45th St

Overheard by: Serena

Male art teacher: What's wrong with chiffon? If I were home right now, I would be wearing chiffon.

–Hunter College High School

Bar owner to college kid wearing suit: Look atchu all dressed up. What, are you goin' on a game show or somethin?

–Citi Bar

Overheard by: Lulu

20-something girl on cell: You should've known when you liked his clothes that he was going to be overly emotional. No one who dresses that good can hold it all together.

–Locker Room, Crunch Gym

Guy to group of friends: Yeah, so I said to him, "Mike, it's a problem when you wearin' the same clothes as your daughter.'"

–5th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Sue

Posted on August 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bosses, Clothing, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Gyms, Home, Sweet Home, Hunter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Questions, Shopping, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, TV, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Powder Their Noses

Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it's okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I'm really sorry–I'm just entering the subway, that's what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn't wash her hands)

–34th St & 9th St

Flustered 50-something suit: It's burning! It's burning!

–Penn Station Bathroom

Man in stall: There should be a law against what's coming out of me.

–25th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: I agree

Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can't talk to you right now. (pause) I'm in the bathroom! (pause) I've got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?

–Restroom, Grand Central

Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel!

–Men's Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Posted on August 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Battery Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Fire, Gays and Lesbians, Grand Central, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Penn Station, Poop, Sensory Experiences, Street, Suits, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liner's Last Dance with Mary Jane

Professor: We will talk about the JDC–the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee. And no, they were not dispensing marijuana.

–Queens College

Overheard by: ShaniP

Trashy JAP on cell: So I told her I was selling, and that bitch was like, "Katrina, for how much?" And I was like "Oh my god, mom, it doesn't matter how much the weed is going for, all that matters is the quality!"

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: penelope

Random stranger to teens: You want to buy some weed? Just come back to my mom's house!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Rhian

College student on cell: Mom, you've got to stop smoking so much weed. I mean, fuck!

–Time Square

Random dude on street: I got it all! Liquor, alcohol, marijuana, Chips Ahoy! I got it!

–44th & Broadway

Overheard by: Lagster

Street vendor: Prada bags, Louis Vuitton bags, Gucci bags, marijuana bags… (everyone looks over at him) Hey, I gotta make money somehow.

–Times Square

Overheard by: mary jane

Posted on August 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Food, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, JAPs, Knock-Offs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Queens, Queens College, School and studying, Strangers, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness

There Are No Small Wednesdays– Only Small One-Liners.

Girl on cell, defiantly: Listen, I can keep my midget in your closet whenever I damn please!

–72nd & Columbus

Man handing out cards to random passers-by: They have midget strippers, buddy, and you can bring your guitar!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: Katy

Guy, to friend: You can't call yourself a grown man if you sit down and your feet dangle off the chair.

–Victoria's Secret

Overheard by: Emm

Black guy pushing cart: Man, I miss my two-headed midget friend… He was my best man.

–Union Square

Woman on cell: Have I been an angry little munchkin?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: TheMac

Posted on August 12, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Friendship, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Instruments, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Store, Strangers, Strippers, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

Wednesday One-liners: It’s All About Location

Guy: Cunt. I’m too hung over for your B&T shit.

–Bleecker & 7th

Overheard by: Thompson

Posted on August 11, 2015
Assholes, Drinking & Drunk People, Insults, One-liners, West Village

Wednesdays Pad Their One-Liners

Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty… And your little dick too!

–Wagner College

Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks.

–Winter Garden Theatre

Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Sunny

Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone!

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: David

Posted on August 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Athletes, Beauty, BJs, College, Drunks, Gangstas, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Men, One-liners, Park Slope, Pee, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Prostitutes, Queer guys, Sensory Experiences, Students, Theater, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Really Bug Me

Geek speedwalking through rush-hour crowd with hands over head: Parasites, parasites, parasites!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: it is what it is

African-American lady: The secret life of… What? Who's "bees"?

–Loews Kips Bay

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Woman: I'm a fruit fly. That's like a fag hag, only prettier.

–3rd & St. Mark's

Female suit on cell: We're dealing with racist ladybugs here.

–44th & Lexington

Overheard by: LP421

Posted on August 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beauty, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Fears, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, Nerds, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Race, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women