Wednesday One-Liners Think They Are Drinking Responsibly

Girl, as friends individually dart across street: The drunks go marching one by one, hooray, hooray!

–49th & 2nd

20-something blonde on cell outside bar: Are you drinking tonight? If not, I just want to see where you're at. Yeah, I'm drinking. I told you there's nothing I wouldn't do with you!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: maria

Girl on cell: I really miss being hungover with you. Some of my best moments were spent hungover with you…

–Union Square

Overheard by: winkinthecity

Girl, getting out of car: Man, I can't drink no more, but I tell you, I feel fiiiiiiinnneee. (girl gets back in car, which drives away)

–69th St & Narrows Ave

Overheard by: Domi

Youngish guy to youngish gal: Well, that won't stop her, she can drink through the window!

–6th Ave & 28th St

Overheard by: Eve

Posted on March 17, 2010
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Fun-Size Wednesday One-Liners

Jewish guy on cell: I finally got evangelized this week! (pause) It wasn't as much fun as I thought it was going to be.

–121st & Broadway

Lady on cell: Have fun with the… what do you call them… Oh, people!

—Shakespeare in the Park Line, Central Park

Overheard by: Megan W.

20-something male looking at painting: Hangings probably aren't as fun as they look.

–MoMa

Kid to his mother: Wow! The critics were right, this is the most fun you can have while sitting down!

–Outside Hairspray

Overheard by: DeDra

Posted on March 10, 2010
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Wednesday One-Liner Repeats Itself

Lady to foreign friend: These 13 circles have the names of the original colonies from when Columbus landed in America.

–Conservatory Garden, 105th & 5th

Teenage girl to friend: But Trotsky was totally doing Lenin, you can't deny it.

–1 Train

Friend in elevator showing old photos from Rome: There's the Colosseum. You know. Where the lions and the Catholics had their thing.

–7th & 31st

Overheard by: Greg

Teenage boy to another: Y'know what I'd like to see? Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson in a cage fight.

–6th Ave & 54th St

Overheard by: Dale

Posted on March 10, 2010
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Wednesday Lindsay-Lohaners

Gay guy, angrily looking at woman eating sausages: And that is why I hate lesbians!

–Gay Pride Parade

Man on cell: I went to San Francisco last month to find me a lesbian girlfriend.

–Big Apple BBQ

Overheard by: skibs

Angry lady to another: Why would I have sex with another woman?

–Greenwich Village

Hobo on platform: Men… do not have sex with women! Any man who has sex with a woman should be arrested. Women do not like sex–women are all lesbians!

–7 Train

Crazy hobo to young girls on bench: You girls are a box full of lesbians!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Daphne

Posted on March 10, 2010
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Wednesday One-Liners Get Their Washington Square Park On

Mother, during tour: I noticed a lot of students have piercings. Can you recommend a good place around here?

–NYU

Grad student on cell: Hey, it's me. Tomorrow, dress appropriately. It's supposed to be 65, so I'll bring a frisbee. Afterward, I want to go to your place because there's certain things I want to do, and your place is much more (pause) conducive for certain activities.

–NYU

Overheard by: DrNels

Girl to another: I used to drink sangria before my classes at NYU.

–Rockefeller Center

NYU student to friend: Man, you gotta remember, you gotta know–you have to stuff that bitch. You gotta know.

–Weinstein Hall, University Place

NYU law student: You know what I love about this building? It smells like a new BMW.

–NYU Law Building

Posted on March 10, 2010
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Anything You Say Can and Will Be Used Against Wednesday One-Liners

Little boy to father, watching NYPD officers standing outside on horseback: Shit, yo! The cops is here!

–W 42nd St

Overheard by: Nikki

Loudspeaker on police car to pedestrians: We have sidewalks in New York. Try using them!

–Chinatown

NYC cop to pushy tourist: Don't touch me, I have no answers for you.

–Columbus Circle

Man to cop: When are you gonna learn that, man? People suck!

–Grand Central Station

Cop on horseback to pedestrian horse admirer: Don't get any closer to the horse, unless you want rabies.

–3rd St & Thompson

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on March 10, 2010
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Do Wednesday One-Liners Make You Hot?

20-something guy dressed as Edward Cullen for Halloween: So anyway, I walk in, and they are both sitting there, playing with each other's erections…

–Bedford Ave & Berry St

Overheard by: Marie Miller Barnes

Ginger kid in audience, as photo of awkward Asian teen sticking banana in his mouth is projected on movie screen: I am definitely aroused.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Joggers to another: Raging hard-ons!

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Katie

20-something girl to another: How could he not go out with you? I mean, you gave him a boner at Relay For Life!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Becca

Posted on March 10, 2010
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We'd Like to Thank Wednesday One-Liner for This Emmy

Chick to friend: I've been really committed to learning about Jesus lately. Can you believe how crazy it is that Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights? I mean, like, no food or water for that long? Crazy! I mean, I never even realized how crazy it was until I saw David Blaine do it.

–R Train

Dreaded hobo, evangelizing: You gotta be able to suck dick to accept the love of Jesus Christ!

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: melissa

Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

Fat Christian evangelist to another: Jesus had the computer technology to manipulate the atoms of water. That's why he could walk over the waves. That's how we convince the atheists.

–Union Square

Overheard by: smoking on the stoop

Hipster on cell: My aunt got a promotion at work. She's a big deal. If this were the bible, she would be Jesus' nephew.

–17th St & Broadway

Posted on March 3, 2010
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Wednesnogsday One-Liners

White male to group of friends: I thought she was really into me… Then I turned around and she was kissing Mary.

–Pace University

Girl to boyfriend kissing her hand: Are you kissing my hand or wiping your nose?

–Central Park

Young boy to friend: Wow, lesbians kissing! I've only seen that on the internet!

–Grand Central Station

Black man to two men and two women making out indiscriminately: I thought all y'alls was gay, but now y'alls kissin' each other. I don't know what to think.

–Splash Bar

Posted on March 3, 2010
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The Truth Shall Set Wednesday One-Liners Free

Young suit on cell while at bar with coworkers: Yeah, I'm still at work right now, I'll call you when I'm done.

–The Dubliner Bar

Overheard by: Keekz

Young woman on cell: Hi, dad… Yeah, I'm in New York… Yes, I'm at Grand Central, I just got off the train.

–JFK Taxi Stand

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Earnest man on cell: Yes, no, I'm driving there. I'll be there in ten minutes. What? That's a passenger. Ten to twelve minutes… Hello? I can't talk, I don't have a headset.

–B Train

Overheard by: Emily

Skanky girl on cell walking down street at fairly slow pace: I'm like, running.

–7th Ave & 47th St

Overheard by: Serena

Posted on February 24, 2010
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One-liners