Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I have a problem keeping my fingers out of my vagina.
Guy friend (to her back): Wow. You have never been hotter.
–Madison Square Garden
Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I have a problem keeping my fingers out of my vagina.
Guy friend (to her back): Wow. You have never been hotter.
–Madison Square Garden
Girl on cell: Just stay out of the sun and keep your clam shut. Okay, bye.
Friend: Did you just tell her to keep her clam shut?
–Manhattan College
Overheard by: Greg
Petulant child: Speed walking is boring! I want to be myself!
–1st Ave & 5th St
Awkward teen boy to friend: It was really boring until I got laid.
–66th & Broadway
Chick on cell: How is pantylessness ever boring?
–113th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Young art history teacher: So basically, I like to lecture the whole first class and bore the hell out of them. That way, everything I say afterwards is interesting!
–74th & Madison
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Short girl to lab partner: Sometimes, when I’m bored, I become a tuning fork. (slowly hits herself on the head) Diiiing!
–Chemistry Lab, Stuyvesant High School
Hobo: Man, if you wanna get into heaven, you gotta talk to black people. They know where they at. Can’t get into heaven if you don’t talk to black people.
–Statue of Liberty
Bimbette on cell: So she is like pregnant? Like she is gonna have a baby? Hey, whatever happened to that black family?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Bigg Rigg
NYU grad student: Bill Clinton isn’t black to me anymore.
–NYU
Black couple to group of white people: We’re black! We’re invisible!
–W 4th St
Overheard by: mada
White grandpa to white granddaughter in playground: Black kids have so much fun!
–Union Square Park
Skinny, attractive 20-something: Yeah, that’s totally my plan: Get completely smashed every night, eat tons of eggs, then barf them all up.
–E. 84th b/w 1st & York
Overheard by: Holds her Liquor (and her eggs)
Woman in bus on cell: George? George, you there? Oh okay, I’m on my way to the shrink’s office so I can only talk for a little while. Oh no, I’m still not feeling better, I was up all night vomiting like crazy and I’m still ridiculously gassy. Good lord, I should go to a doctor because I also have constant diarrhea. Oh George…
–M66 Bus
Overheard by: Stephanie
Drunk guy: It was incredible. He puked and then he just disappeared. I’ve never seen anything like it. He was like the Criss Angel of puking.
–Outside Lombardi’s
Overheard by: Rich
Girl stumbling back from the bathroom: You guys, we have to leave because I threw up all over the floor and someone saw me.
–Horus
NYU undergrad: So we were going to have an intervention for her, but when we went to her room, she wasn’t there. So instead we wrote on her laptop, "I’m a douche, I drink too much and throw up."
–8th & University
Girl on cell: You ate breakfast? You animal!
–2 Train Platform, Wall Street
Overheard by: Gin in Tonic
Angry guy on cell: She’s a chef! Of course she makes bad decisions… like deciding to be a chef!
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Withnail
Buddy Holly glasses guy: Oh, I want food so much more than I want women right now.
–First Saturday, Brooklyn Museum
Suit: I’m going to order some mashed potatoes, with a side order of pussy.
–In front of Macy’s, Herald Square
Overheard by: sometimesdee
Middle-aged jewish lady to other: So she asks me if she can come over for supper and I said I don’t know how to work the stove!
–Avenue J & E 12th Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert
Surprised teen: She fondled my pancakes. She’s a pancake fondler!
–34th St
Overheard by: Chloe
Hipster: It just sucks having to change the sheets every day.
–54th & Broadway
Overheard by: J-Dawg
Man coming out of bathroom: Rhetorical question: do you wash your hands before or after pissing?
–Columbia Bathroom
Old man on cell: You tell her I don’t want her using that same toilet brush. I want her to use a new one for my place.
–34 Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: truly confused
Tranny to another: And I told him if he wanted to shove that shit up my pussy, he better wash it real good first!
–2nd St b/w 1st & 2nd Aves
Guy on cell: It still stinks? Did you try washing it? Oh. How about using a nail brush? You did? Well, how much skin did you lose?
–C Train
Overheard by: Davis Baker
Angry thug on cell: I ain’t washin’ shit!
–Broadway & Great Jones
Overheard by: Jon A.
Woman to another woman: It’s really the same thing. Like six and a half of another dozen.
–Times Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Billy
Black woman: He gets four weeks paid vacation! Four weeks! That’s like two months!
–34th & Broadway
Auntie someone: Yeah, my brother has like 18 kids and I ain’t even met like a hundred of ’em!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Crazy man: I just decided to become a decimal point.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Cool, cuz im a period.
Delivery truck guy, counting boxes: 18 plus 20 equals 30, plus 22 is 42.
–Midwood, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Feliz Navidad
Girl on cell: Yeah, no. Five times eight is forty… I think… Well, hopefully, anyway.
–Waverly & Broadway
Overheard by: Kyla
Guy on cell: Dude, the girl is hot. We kissed a little last night, but I just wanna make out with her. I just wanna make out with her all night long. [Pause.] Yeah, I said make out.
–73rd & 1st
Overheard by: Missy
Overweight hipster girl with lisp: I’m the make-out masta.
–NYU Hayden Hall
Overheard by: The Doctor
Balding frat guy to girlfriend: Dude, open your eyes a little bit when we make out so it’s not like I’m raping you.
–C Train
Overheard by: I hate when that happens, too
Drunk girl: …so they ended up making out in a port-a-potty.
–Spring & Lafayette
College girl on cell: Don’t move in with him, just make out with people!
–Starbucks, West 43rd & Broadway
Overheard by: good advice
Jewish girl: I think my family likes me because I will fulfill my potential to be a pompous ass.
–NYU Bobst Library
Thirty-something Hispanic woman: All my nephews are boys… All of them.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Suze V
Girl on cell: Well then maybe you shouldn’t have fucked my sister!
–70 & Broadway
Girl on cell: …The half-Asian, half-Jewish guy. And she’s like: "My brother is so pissed at me!" and I’m like: "Of course he’s pissed, you’ve gotten with six of his friends."
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: Peter G
Guy: I’ve seen my sister-in law’s titties so many times…
–Yankee Stadium
Girl on cell: So the little girl at the wedding was like: "Are you guys brothers?" And I was like: "No, we fuck".
–24th St b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Amy
