Wednesday One-Linerzzzz….zzzzzz…zzz…zzzzz…

Petulant child: Speed walking is boring! I want to be myself!

–1st Ave & 5th St

Awkward teen boy to friend: It was really boring until I got laid.

–66th & Broadway

Chick on cell: How is pantylessness ever boring?

–113th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Young art history teacher: So basically, I like to lecture the whole first class and bore the hell out of them. That way, everything I say afterwards is interesting!

–74th & Madison

Overheard by: Erin Partridge

Short girl to lab partner: Sometimes, when I’m bored, I become a tuning fork. (slowly hits herself on the head) Diiiing!

–Chemistry Lab, Stuyvesant High School

Posted on June 18, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Education, Friends, Kids, On Cell, Sex, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

“Urban” Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo: Man, if you wanna get into heaven, you gotta talk to black people. They know where they at. Can’t get into heaven if you don’t talk to black people.

–Statue of Liberty

Bimbette on cell: So she is like pregnant? Like she is gonna have a baby? Hey, whatever happened to that black family?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Bigg Rigg

NYU grad student: Bill Clinton isn’t black to me anymore.

–NYU

Black couple to group of white people: We’re black! We’re invisible!

–W 4th St

Overheard by: mada

White grandpa to white granddaughter in playground: Black kids have so much fun!

–Union Square Park

Posted on June 18, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Bimbettes, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Hobos, Kids, NYU, Old People, On Cell, Penn Station, Politics, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Race, Statue of Liberty, Students, Washington Square Park, West Village, White People

“So That’s What I Ate for Wednesday One-Liner.”

Skinny, attractive 20-something: Yeah, that’s totally my plan: Get completely smashed every night, eat tons of eggs, then barf them all up.

–E. 84th b/w 1st & York

Overheard by: Holds her Liquor (and her eggs)

Woman in bus on cell: George? George, you there? Oh okay, I’m on my way to the shrink’s office so I can only talk for a little while. Oh no, I’m still not feeling better, I was up all night vomiting like crazy and I’m still ridiculously gassy. Good lord, I should go to a doctor because I also have constant diarrhea. Oh George…

–M66 Bus

Overheard by: Stephanie

Drunk guy: It was incredible. He puked and then he just disappeared. I’ve never seen anything like it. He was like the Criss Angel of puking.

–Outside Lombardi’s

Overheard by: Rich

Girl stumbling back from the bathroom: You guys, we have to leave because I threw up all over the floor and someone saw me.

–Horus

NYU undergrad: So we were going to have an intervention for her, but when we went to her room, she wasn’t there. So instead we wrote on her laptop, "I’m a douche, I drink too much and throw up."

–8th & University

Posted on June 18, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anorexic, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Etiquette, Food, Girls, Guys, Laptop, Little Italy, On Cell, On the Bus, Psychology, Restaurants & Cafes, Skinny People, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vomit, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners, Fresh from the Oven

Girl on cell: You ate breakfast? You animal!

–2 Train Platform, Wall Street

Overheard by: Gin in Tonic

Angry guy on cell: She’s a chef! Of course she makes bad decisions… like deciding to be a chef!

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Withnail

Buddy Holly glasses guy: Oh, I want food so much more than I want women right now.

–First Saturday, Brooklyn Museum

Suit: I’m going to order some mashed potatoes, with a side order of pussy.

–In front of Macy’s, Herald Square

Overheard by: sometimesdee

Middle-aged jewish lady to other: So she asks me if she can come over for supper and I said I don’t know how to work the stove!

–Avenue J & E 12th Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert

Surprised teen: She fondled my pancakes. She’s a pancake fondler!

–34th St

Overheard by: Chloe

Posted on June 18, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Guys, Jews, Jobs & Careers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to Godliness

Hipster: It just sucks having to change the sheets every day.

–54th & Broadway

Overheard by: J-Dawg

Man coming out of bathroom: Rhetorical question: do you wash your hands before or after pissing?

–Columbia Bathroom

Old man on cell: You tell her I don’t want her using that same toilet brush. I want her to use a new one for my place.

–34 Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: truly confused

Tranny to another: And I told him if he wanted to shove that shit up my pussy, he better wash it real good first!

–2nd St b/w 1st & 2nd Aves

Guy on cell: It still stinks? Did you try washing it? Oh. How about using a nail brush? You did? Well, how much skin did you lose?

–C Train

Overheard by: Davis Baker

Angry thug on cell: I ain’t washin’ shit!

–Broadway & Great Jones

Overheard by: Jon A.

Posted on June 11, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Gripes, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Questions, Stall Spies, The Village, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

I Was Told There Would Be No Wednesday One-Liners on This Exam

Woman to another woman: It’s really the same thing. Like six and a half of another dozen.

–Times Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Billy

Black woman: He gets four weeks paid vacation! Four weeks! That’s like two months!

–34th & Broadway

Auntie someone: Yeah, my brother has like 18 kids and I ain’t even met like a hundred of ’em!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Crazy man: I just decided to become a decimal point.

–3 Train

Overheard by: Cool, cuz im a period.

Delivery truck guy, counting boxes: 18 plus 20 equals 30, plus 22 is 42.

–Midwood, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Feliz Navidad

Girl on cell: Yeah, no. Five times eight is forty… I think… Well, hopefully, anyway.

–Waverly & Broadway

Overheard by: Kyla

Posted on June 11, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Crazies, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Time, Times Square, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Neck With Their Steadies

Guy on cell: Dude, the girl is hot. We kissed a little last night, but I just wanna make out with her. I just wanna make out with her all night long. [Pause.] Yeah, I said make out.

–73rd & 1st

Overheard by: Missy

Overweight hipster girl with lisp: I’m the make-out masta.

–NYU Hayden Hall

Overheard by: The Doctor

Balding frat guy to girlfriend: Dude, open your eyes a little bit when we make out so it’s not like I’m raping you.

–C Train

Overheard by: I hate when that happens, too

Drunk girl: …so they ended up making out in a port-a-potty.

–Spring & Lafayette

College girl on cell: Don’t move in with him, just make out with people!

–Starbucks, West 43rd & Broadway

Overheard by: good advice

Posted on June 11, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Boyfriends, Crime and Punishment, Drunks, Frat Boys, Girls, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, The Village, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Wishes & desires, Words

You Can’t Choose Your Wednesday One-Liners

Jewish girl: I think my family likes me because I will fulfill my potential to be a pompous ass.

–NYU Bobst Library

Thirty-something Hispanic woman: All my nephews are boys… All of them.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Suze V

Girl on cell: Well then maybe you shouldn’t have fucked my sister!

–70 & Broadway

Girl on cell: …The half-Asian, half-Jewish guy. And she’s like: "My brother is so pissed at me!" and I’m like: "Of course he’s pissed, you’ve gotten with six of his friends."

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy: I’ve seen my sister-in law’s titties so many times…

–Yankee Stadium

Girl on cell: So the little girl at the wedding was like: "Are you guys brothers?" And I was like: "No, we fuck".

–24th St b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Amy

Posted on June 11, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Jews, Judaism, Latinos, Library, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Queens, Race, Sex, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women, Words, Yankee Stadium

Wednesday One-Liner’s Burden

Jamaican man on cell: First there is the white people, then comes the animals, then comes me!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Cog-in-the-wheel

White hipster: Don’t let the white man bring you down!

–N. 6th & Bedford Ave

Black man, yelling at UGG-wearing Fordham student passing by: White girls get loving, too. But, not with those boots!

–E. Fordham Rd & Bathgate Ave

Guy with rosary: Yo, that girl used to be so bad. Now she’s hanging out with white people and playing croquet. Or whatever that shit is.

–North Woods, Central Park

Cute black girl: Damn! White girls be steppin’ it up! They got booties now and everything!

–106th & Broadway

Posted on June 4, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Brooklyn, Bryant Park, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Men, On Cell, Race, Shoes, Sports, The Bronx, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, White People

Please, Wednesday One-Liners, May I Have Another?

Teenage boy to father: You know, everyone knows you’re a furry now.

–Food Emporium, 86th St

Curly-haired chick on cell: It’s like you’re a health nut but with S&M tendencies.

–Ouidad

Overheard by: Pookins

Woman on cell: I’m constantly carrying around like four outfits, paperwork, leftover food, and collars.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McF

Man on cell: Look, if you want to have sex with animals just get drunk and do it!

–Burrito Shop

Overheard by: Marc

Suit: …So if I raise the bed, then I can put the S&M toys under it.

–Bed, Bath, and Beyond

Overheard by: Katie

20-something college girl: Dude! I don’t know how I ended up on my knees calling him "Sir" okay!?… It just happened…

–St. Marks b/w 1st & A

Overheard by: i wish i was

Hot nerd on cell: I mean seriously, what’s the point of having friends if you can’t occasionally accuse them of sexual deviance?

–40th & 3rd

Posted on June 4, 2008
Advice, Animals & Nature, Boys, Clothing, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Etiquette, Friendship, Girls, Grocery Stores, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Penn Station, Questions, S&M, Sorority Girls, Store, Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Women, Words

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