Wednesday One-Liners Are a Household Name

English teacher, telling student how to read play: Brian, you're like Martin Luther King meets 50 Cent!

–English Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

Woman answering cell on bus: You saw Beyoncé? (everyone stares) Sorry. Did you say, "Hi, fiancée," or "I saw Beyoncé"?"

–126 Bus

Loud fat hipster chick: So she said I'm like Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan's body, because my weight fluctuates like Lohan's. And I'm okay with that, because you know what? Lohan is a great celebrity. I mean, look, Kate Winslet is lovely and all, but what is she doing tonight? Sitting on a couch somewhere, drinking moderately probably. What is Lohan doing? Probably something really gay and coked up. I'd rather be gay and coked up than drinking moderately on a couch, any day of the week.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Jas

Metal kid: I smell like Robert Downey, Jr.

–Don Pedro's, Boerum & Manhattan, Brooklyn

Overheard by: LP

Hobo: I always thought Madonna was a trashy white cunt.

–Restaurant Row

Overheard by: Al-master

Guy to girl: You know, I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, and you don't need to be comparing yourself to Lance Armstrong. Like, that's just a fool's game.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Helena

Posted on May 20, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bronx Science, Brooklyn, Bus, Classroom, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Duane Reade, Fat People, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, History & Geography, Hobos, Insults, Music, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Theater & Dance, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

With Wednesday One-Liners Like These, Who Needs Enemies?

Guy pouring himself cup of coffee to guy watching: You and I just really need to have a huge fight. I think that's the only way we can truly be friends.

–Fox News Breakroom

Overheard by: CreateEvity

College girl on cell: I'm a real-life imaginary friend to two different people.

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Am I Imaginary?

Soft-spoken thug on cell: I don't want to upset my baby momma, but I don't want to lose you as a friend.

–123rd & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Girl on phone: His name isn't CJ, it's JP. He wants to be friends with me, I'm gonna friend the heck outta him!

–Lafayette & White

Loud gay guy: So he asks me, "are we still just friends?" and I'm like, "umm, your dick was just in my mouth. Thats not what just friends do."

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Ricardo the Sex Machine

Suit to hot chick: So what's your take on the bottled water companies? Friend or foe?

–Odeon, Thomas & Broadway

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Fighting and ass kicking, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Nicknames & name calling, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sorority Girls, Stupidity, Suits, Thugs, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Wednesday One-Liner

Chick on cell: Are you sure this is a sex trip and not a "meet-my-parents" trip?

–14th St

Overheard by: Argopelter

Laughing woman on cell: I'm going to be so busy when I get back! My week of relaxation is just going to be ruined by a hurricane.

–Starbucks, Park Ave South & 29th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy to three hot girls carrying luggage: Oh, hello, ladies. I also travel! What a coincidence! (girls walk away laughing) You can run! I will find you! It's only a matter of time!

–Financial District

Black woman on phone: Ya, man, I just got back from Miami. Shit, I'm still jet lagged!

–Wendy's, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oh really?

Blonde girl on plane to another: I figured out on this trip that if you pack your lightest clothes on the bottom of your suitcase it will weigh less! Coming in, my suitcase weighed 54 pounds, and going home it only weighed 46! (second blonde nods knowingly)

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Meagan O.

Hobo: Hey girls, could you spare some change? Please? It's for my Hawaii fund! I'm gonna wear a bikini and dance the hula. And fuck it, I'm freezing my butt off!

–University Place & 10th St

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on May 13, 2009
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Holidays, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, LaGuardia Airport, Laughter, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Panhandling, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Got the Part!

Conductor in thick Indian accent: Everybody's stressed out on their way to work, but remember you only came on the train with two hands! If you feel a third hand on you, feel free to do whatever you want with it!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: megan rose

Young woman on cell: Daddy? Mommy said you called. Is it about your testicles?

–78th & Lexington

Overheard by: Bob

Man on cell: I just saw this human female walk by with these legs…

–SoHo

Overheard by: Another human female

Passing female coworker: Stick my finger up to the middle knuckle to make sure it's warm.

–31st St

Dorky guy to friends: So then she gets on the table and the next thing you know, one leg is over her head and I just didn't know what to do with myself…

–3rd & 23rd

Overheard by: tila

Jersey lady: Now I have to straddle him, hold on to his ears, and do it.

–Metro North Train

Overheard by: Wow. Just… wow.

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, Balls, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Coworkers, Desi, Friends, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Need an F-Bomb Shelter

Hare Krishna guy hawking meditation books: I hate this fucking city, fucking assholes. Fuck. Fuck this city!

–Union Square Station

Girl on phone: So, how's Dan? (pause) Oh, fuck Dan!

–South Ferry Terminal

Teenage boy to another in idling train: We made up an expression just to see if he would start saying it too. We started saying "fuck my dick!" Like, I dropped my pencil and said "fuck my dick!" You know? And he started sayin' that shit, yo!

–G Train

Overheard by: lucyruth

Guy on cell: Listen, I can fuck whoever the fuck I wanna fuck, whenever the fuck I wanna fuck. I choose not to fuck you.

–42nd St b/w 3rd & Lexington

Overheard by: julie f

Late 40s suit to another: Yeah, so I say to him, just to be polite,"yeah, I'd fuck her", then he says "yeah, but I'd fuck her after you were done with her!"

–Met Life Building

Conductor: Please move all the way in, please, people, move all the way in, stand clear of the closing doors. People! (turns microphone off, shouts) Nobody fucking listens to me!

–F Train

Overheard by: BLAH

Posted on May 13, 2009
Conductors, Ferry, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Penis, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Sloppy Seconds, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Will Work for Wednesday One-Liners

Middle-aged woman: My work is better than my personality, honestly.

–40th b/w Park & Madison

Overheard by: Jim

Girl on cell: But you don't speak English or Spanish good. Baby, you just aren't that smart, how you supposed to get a job?

–Baskin & Robbins Downtown

Conductor: I really don't give a damn whether or not you stand clear of the closing doors, because regardless of where we go I'm still working.

–1 Train

Overheard by: gefilte fish junkie

Hobo, arguing with another: Don't talk to me like I'm yo' job.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Emily

Whiny lady on cell: Yeah, so I think I am allergic to my office. (pause) Oh, no, no, I am positive I am allergic to something in the office. Every time I am in there, sitting in my chair, I get these pains in my back.

–41st St & Park Ave

Overheard by: you still have a job, ungrateful lady!

Hobo to passers-by: Where are you all going? There ain't no jobs.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jillian

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Store, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners– Now in Small, Regular and Porn Star

20-something girl: And then they had another raffle and I won another 30 minutes of free porn and a vibrator.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: eSong

Man, talking to himself in the park: I don't discriminate against women. Women discriminate against me. Why? Because they have all different kinds of dildos.

–City Hall Park

Salesman, shouting to man with girlfriend: Have you been neglecting your butthole lately? I'm selling some nice greasy vibrators here!

–34th St

Overheard by: Jessica

30-something balding man on cell: Dildo and show…

–14th & 3rd

Woman to friends posing for picture: 1…2…3…say: "sex toys!"

–West Village

Mythology professor: Ares was a bit stupid, so Aphrodite was pretty much the brains of that operation. For her, he was basically just a living dildo.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Free stuff!, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Hunter, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pictures, Porn, Questions, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

An Inconvenient Wednesday One-Liner

Mother to small child: Well, the weather's nice today, so it's a good afternoon to go to the park, play on the playground, go on the swings, or attack daddy. (pause) Or…you know, whatever else you feel like doing.

–Gramercy

Overheard by: Max

Fancy woman waking out of building, on cell, during snow squall: It's either snow or debris. I can't tell.

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: snow. trust me.

Five-year-old girl: It's snowing way too much in Columbus Circle! Fuck! I am going to file a complaint!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: queenofscots

Older hot guy: It's as cold as a drunken French whore in the old Bastille days!

–W 4th St

Woman to neighbor: Hey, girl, do you see this snow? It's the end of the world!
(pause) Have a great day!

–140th St & Amsterdam

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Gripes, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, History & Geography, Hotels, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Prostitution, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Will Be Married to Supermodels One Day

Nerdy tourist boy looking at display: My depth perception is yelling at me…

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: jules

Pizza guy on cell: Have a good 4th… What? No, I said to have a good 4th, not "may the force be with you." (pause) Have a good 4th. (pause) Yeah, have a good 4th, and may the force be with you. Uh- huh. Good night.

–Dekalb & Hall St, Brooklyn

Indian nerd to friends, in the midst of heated debate: Dude, vitamins are fucking weak!

–Grand Central Subway Platform

Overheard by: djprojexion

Geek on cell, in line at Comic Con: Dude, I'm at the con… It's like, ten times more awesome…than anything awesome!

–NYC Comic Con

Overheard by: RedmanInc

Nerdy guy: Some super powers come with implied powers. Like the power of flight. You assume the power of wind resistance, because you'd get pretty freaking cold flying 200 mph. But no one ever thinks of that.

–Fordham Law School