Wednesday One-Liners Will Swallow for Diamonds

Mother to five-year-old daughter: That's why she's a very smart woman. She married a very rich man for exactly that reason.

–University Place &10th St

Overheard by: evanescent

Homeless man to little boy with parents: Ask your mama why she marry your daddy. She'll tell you it was for the money.

–Statue of Liberty

Sorority girl to another: So like, do you think Brad makes good investments?

–53rd & 1st

Asian girl on cell: It's like I have a sign that says "trophy wife" written across my forehead, and then they find out I'm 22 and the sign is suddenly in neon.

–Tribeca

Girl on cell: No, you remember, I'm going to be a gold-digger! It's like a hooker, but smarter.

–NYU Classroom

Posted on July 6, 2015
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Classroom, Families, Family Ties, Girls, Hobos, Kids, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Prostitution, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

We Heart Wednesday One-Liners, Now More Than Ever

Guy to friend: Oowee! Some weed and a perm! That's my perfect New York day.

–West Village

Overheard by: Joe

Conductor: Step in, stand clear…let's go New York!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ashley Nelson

Intoxicated creepster: Are we in Manhattan? What the hell! This city is so full of New Yorkers!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Lizzzzz

Bitter man on subway: I think one summer here would cure them of any love they have for this town.

–1 Train

Passerby to surprised-looking wife, watching fight: They're fighting. It's New York, that's what people do in this city.

–City Hall

Overheard by: ascorbique & almost famous

Grinning paramedic to female tourist in shock, strapping her to backboard after she was struck by a car: Welcome to New York!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Mateo que Feo

Posted on July 5, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Couples, Creepsters, EMTs, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Gripes, Guys, Love, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners for Chuck Bass

Gay guy to passersby: Spare an asshole for a gay man?

–Union Square

Man to woman: It's not that I'm an asshole; I just don't want to be seen with you.

–Bar, Upper West Side

Overheard by: Eric

Hipster chic: You could fit a globe in your asshole, it's so big.

–Bedford Ave & 3rd St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: letthemusicplayy

Woman, answering cell: Hey, asshole!

–Rite Aid, Grand Central

Posted on July 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Gays and Lesbians, Grand Central, Height, Hipsters, Insults, Men, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women

I Wanna Dip My Wednesday One-Liners in It!

Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.

–St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.

–7 train

Overheard by: bronwyn

Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole!

–8th Ave

Overheard by: finds it comforting

Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!"

–E 85th St & 3rd Ave

Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.

–Broadway & W 4th

Overheard by: Jake R

Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls.

–6th Ave & Bleecker

Posted on July 4, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Balls, Boys, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Insects, On the Subway, Stoners, Street, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Click “It’s Complicated”

Chick: It’s about your cyber personality, and if your cyber personality doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me on Facebook, that’s okay!

–NYU Hayden Staircase

Coed: I don’t know… if Sheryl* with the two kids by the two different baby-daddies can have a good MySpace, I think pretty much anyone should be able to do it.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: ImmaculatePizza

Hipster girl: It looks like MySpace exploded in there!

–The Knitting Factory, 74 Leonard St

Overheard by: Cassie

20-something girl: So, the quadriplegic I hooked up with added me as a friend on Facebook last night.

–Chipotle, 51st & 8th

Geek prophet: No one is ever away from Google, really.

–Near Holland Tunnel

Overheard by: Claire H.

Angry chick, to boyfriend: Look, I’m not changing my Facebook status!

–6th & Ave A

Overheard by: Kremilyse

30-ish woman: I said I wouldn’t date him ’til he gets rid of the typos on his MySpace profile… Am I a snob?

–Tom’s Diner, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: ball-and-veining tool

Posted on July 3, 2015
Baby Mama/Daddy, Bars & Clubs, Default, Facebook, Foreigners, Girls, Google, Handicaps, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Hunter, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Myspace, NYU, Philosophy, Preachers, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women

It’s a White Thing; You Wouldn’t Understand

Girl #1: I bought him white eyelashes and white lipstick but I don’t know how much he’s willing to let me put on him.
Girl #2: Does he do drag?
Girl #1: Well, he used to; when he lived in San Francisco, back when he danced. But he did it more for the kink than anything else.

–Rockefeller Center

Posted on July 3, 2015
Girls, Guys, Kink, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Street

Wednesday Vaginers

Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell!

–Broadway & 13th

Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth.

–The Village

Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right?

–Mercury Lounge, LES

Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed!

–McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: ehka

Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina.

–Fordham Gym

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drunks, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gyms, Home, Sweet Home, Latinos, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sorority Girls, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

Last Time, She Got Him Up to a Cadillac and Diamond Earrings

New York Post woman at Union Square station: Free pooooost!
Bag vendor, after minutes of repetition: Lady, our heads are going to explode!
Woman: Free Pooooost!
Bag vendor: All vendors, help me let her know!
Woman: Free Pooooost!
Bag vendor: Lady, I'll buy you lunch!
Woman: Free Pooooost!
Bag vendor: I'll give you cash!
Woman: Free pooooost!
Bag vendor: Come work for me, “free totes!”
Woman: Free pooooost!

–Union Square Holiday Market

Posted on June 27, 2015
Free stuff!, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Hoboner

Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy.

–A Train

Overheard by: SBroto

Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches.

–Shuttle to Grand Central

Overheard by: alan b hutscar

Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca

Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it?

–Central Park

Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down!

–4th & Broadway

Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man)

–1 Train

Posted on June 27, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Broadway Shows, Central Park, Crazy, Death, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Singing, Strangers, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Omg, Like W.O.L.s, Lolcatz!

Girl to another, loudly: Oh my god! Where the fuck were you this morning? I was about to text you, but I realized you couldn't text. And I couldn't text either! And you wouldn't pick up your phone! And I needed to talk to you! But I couldn't reach you! So I just like fucking sat there and screamed for ten minutes!

–B9 Bus

20-something male to friend: I am so MIA right now. I am MIA. Like, I text you, but I am MIA. Like, so many people send texts to me, and I'm just MIA.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: dallas

Girl leaving movie: Well, I'm sure she'll send out a mass text the second she has her baby.

–AMC Theater 19th & Broadway

Overheard by: Julie

20-something to another: Tiffany, I know I left Jason at the altar…but why didn't he text me back?

–1849 Bar, MacDougal & Bleecker

Laughing hobo to another: That is the funniest joke I've ever heard! You have to text that to me!

–St. Mark's Church, 2nd Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: cody