The Wednesday One-Liner Diet Doesn't Work

Little girl to sister: It has 140 calories in it, that could like… kill you.

–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway

Blonde girl on phone: Yeah, I need to lose like 30 pounds but the problem is that I got my body used to food.

–224th St & Jamaica Avenue

Teen girl, after being caught with empty beer cans: No! Trust me, it wasn't me. I don't drink beer, it has way too many calories!

–Park Slope

40-something mom to chubby daughter with YMCA gymnastics shirt: Don't eat here, go to CVS! Get some mints… you'll be fine.

–Wendy's At Metropolitan Ave. and Woodhaven Blvd, Queens

Overheard by: D. Scibe

Very old, overweight mother to old less overweight daughter: I need to lose 20 pounds, but you, you need to lose 40 pounds. When you're as skinny as her (points at woman working at register), then I'll buy you carrot cake!

–168th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alison R.

Women in Morbidly obesity couple walking hand in hand. The woman says "harry, I hate it when we're on separate starvation schedules."

–7th St & First Ave

Posted on August 26, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Fat People, Girls, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Moms, Murder, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Psychology, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Sisters, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday Too-Soon-Liners

American tourist on phone: So, I've just been to ground zero and it's like totally overrated; it's just a hole in the ground.

–Central park

Sensitive guy: She's probably the number one cause of post-traumatic stress syndrome since 9/11!

–Restaurant, 46th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Man, looking out window: Looks like they are building something.

–WTC Path Station

Tourist: That building is really tall, I think it's the World Crade Center!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Cheerful tourist dad taking photo of tourist family: Smile and say 9/11!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: CJW

Posted on August 26, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Ground Zero, Guys, Height, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pictures, Psychology, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Time, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Get Jiggly With It

Dude: Do boobs need a reason?

–Perdition bar, 49th & 10th

Overheard by: Brokeass Harem

Guy: This is high school. Breasts are usually an effective way of determining gender.

–Stuyvesant High School

Old woman with Julie Andrews accent: I used to be quite buxom!

–Chinese Restaurant, 55th & 6th

Wife to husband: Did you see the tits on that Santa?

–Outside Penn Station, During SantaCon

Curvy woman on cell: Accessories? Oh please. My breasts are accessory enough.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Posted on August 19, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bimbettes, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Couples, Fashion, Gender issues, Guys, Height, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Questions, Rack, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Stuyvesant, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Who Wears the Pants in Your Wednesday One-Liners?

Older man: If you drank a thousand gallons of beer, and then took off your pants…

–79th & West End

Girl to guy with beavers on pants: Excuse me, are those beavers on your pants?

–6 Train

20-something preppy girl on cell: Whenever I'm cheating on my boyfriend, I take off my pants and pretend to be an albino bunny.

–Central Park

Overheard by: that one girl

Guy on cell: If I don't get in her pants tonight, I'm gonna fuck you up!

–1st Ave

Aging drag queen to friend: It's much better than sick obsessions with blond males between the ages of 18 and 25 who always take their pants off to play GameCube.

–The Village

Overheard by: Amused NYU Tischie

Posted on August 19, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Central Park, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drag queens, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hair, Infidelity, Men, Nudity, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Preppies, Questions, Sex, Street, The Village, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Let a Smile Be Your Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on cell: How can you be happy if you're acting like such a bitch all time?

–Melrose Ave & 154th St

Puerto Rican barista, as A-Team music starts playing: The A-Team! Man, that makes me think of when I was young and still happy!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Chris K.

30-something woman: I'm going to see Transformers. Transformers! Daa naa na naaa! You have to be happy in life, everybody is dying.

–34th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Frank Molla

Girl on cell, vehemently: I'm trying brown eyeliner. I hope this makes you happy!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ashley

20-something girl: Just put some alcohol in me and I'll be happy.

–St. Mark's Place

Posted on August 19, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Colors, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Happiness, Insults, Makeup, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nostalgia, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Train Station, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Really Need to Montauk

Asian fag to white hag: So if a natural disaster happened and Long Island had to be evacuated, we'd, like, all be screwed!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Woman on cell: You all should come to Long Island. They're fucking civilized over there.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Smitten Kitten

Hipster on cell, suddenly yelling: Mom, I live in New York City, not Long Island! New York City! Get a map. I live in New York City.

–Greenpoint

20-something blonde on cell: Uh… Long Island… that's on the East Side, right?

–John St & Cliff St

Overheard by: BennyP

Jersey girl to Long Island guys: Oh my god! I've never been to Long Island! I'll need rockstar directions! Oh, and I totally have camel toe!

–51st & 6th

Overheard by: Fanx 4 that

Posted on August 12, 2009
Accidents, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, B & T, Battery Park, Brooklyn, Death, Fag Hags, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

Are You Ready to Accept Wednesday As Your Personal One-Liner?

Crazy preacher man: Look up! You see that ball in the sky? It's not the sun. It's hell!

–Times Square

Subway preacher: Someone is gonna drive your car to your funeral, wearing your bling bling.

–Downtown A Train

Street bible pusher: Don't wait for the asteroids to rain down on you! Asteroids are heading this way now!

–6th Ave & 32nd St

Random crazy dude: Repent, all ye sinners! Get your ass to Genesis!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: LiD

Street preacher handing out bible verses: Jesus saves! Jesus saves! (to suit walking by) Not you! There's nothing good about you!

–8th Ave below 23rd St

Posted on August 12, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Comebacks, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Fashion, God Squad, Jesus, On the Subway, One-liners, Preachers, Questions, Religion, Satan, Street, Suits, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesdays Wet Their One-Liners

Girl: So then I said "mother, I am 20 years old and you cannot tell me I can't go to Wet 'n Wild!"

–Central Park

Overheard by: Quella

Weird chick: Eeeeek! That toilet is flooding! My Payless shoes are getting wet! My beautiful Payless shoes! All this water looks like that movie, The Blob! Oh, I hate you, Steve McQueen! I hate you, I hate you!

–Women's Restroom, Port Authority

Overheard by: Amber Star

Drunk girl to drunker friend who spilled beer on her lap: Again with the vaginal wetness?

–LIRR

Guy to a girl in laundromat: Why can't you dry your underwear? Is that because they're so used to being wet when you're wearing them?

–1st. Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: Mike

Girl to boy: So about this whole wet dream thingy…

–C Train

Posted on August 12, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Central Park, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Horny, Laundromat, Movies, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Port Authority, Questions, Shoes, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Incomprehensible Wednesday One-Liners from Japan

Girl wearing yoga outfit to friend: And I'm like "you know that your face looks like a fucking cartoon character, don't you?"

–Houston & Mott

Overheard by: JohnJayinNYC

Teen boy: I don't like people. I just like Pokemon.

–Chipotle, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike N

Blipster: Girl, you know I already got a headache and then she all up in my face with that Dragon Ball Z breath.

–Fulton & Pearl

Girl, during promo network commercial before Up: It is not Cartoon Network if there are real people. I refuse to watch this show.

–Movie Theatre, Battery Park

Overheard by: Yelena

Excited man on cell: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? What are they? People love ancient Egypt way more than ninja turtles.

–Hungarian Pastry Shop

Overheard by: Casey Black

Scruffy hipster to friend: Now all we need to do is find Splinter and Donatello.

–L Train

Overheard by: lilli

Posted on August 12, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, History & Geography, Insults, Men, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Teens, TV, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

No Wednesday One-Liner in the Champagne Room

Loud woman on cell: And then he had the nerve to ask me if it was cause he's black! I was like, "it's not cause you're black, it's cause you slept with that stripper!"

–Starbucks

Midwestern grandmother, seeing granddaughter play on subway: She's working on her pole dancing, just like her mother.

–E Train

Young Asian guy, telling stripper what he does for a living: Do you even know what a hedge fund is?

–Strip Club, Queens

Thug to girlfriend, pointing at totem pole in museum: You know what those be? Fancy stripper poles! (makes techno music noise with his mouth)

–Museum of Natural History

Blonde chick on cell: Oh my god, Mike, just fuck her and get over yourself, I really don't care! (hangs up, to friend) I don't understand why my boyfriend keeps calling me asking me if it would break my heart if he slept with the stripper we met at the bar on Saturday.

–NYU

Overheard by: i wish i had me a girl like that

Serious, tired, cute guy on cell: So you remember the stripper that has been hassling me? Well, I went out with her and her girlfriend on Tuesday, and stuff got out of hand… really out of hand–like Budapest out of hand! (pause) I don't know, but I woke up in fucking New York City!

–Penn Station

Posted on August 5, 2009
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All Wednesday One-Liners