Little fat boy: Moooom?
Very fat mom: Yes, sweetie?
Little fat boy: I can't wait until grandma dies so I can have a cat.
Outrageously fat dad: He's so creative, isn't he? (pats fat boy on the head)
–7 Train
Overheard by: Celebrifi.com
Little fat boy: Moooom?
Very fat mom: Yes, sweetie?
Little fat boy: I can't wait until grandma dies so I can have a cat.
Outrageously fat dad: He's so creative, isn't he? (pats fat boy on the head)
–7 Train
Overheard by: Celebrifi.com
Fat woman #1, at intermission: Man, these seats are tight!
Fat woman #2: Oh my god, tell me about it! My butt is killing me!
Fat woman #1, to skinny guy sitting in between them: Was I spilling over into your seat?
Skinny guy: You both were.
–New Amsterdam Theatre
Overheard by: Ali
NYU girl to friend: I mean, I hate him and it’s making my hair fall out but I think our relationship really works.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Man to friend: She wanted to go to dinner on some kind of date shit. I wanna bring her to a bar and fuck her in the bathroom.
–G Train
Overheard by: Sarah
Fat chick to friends: I don’t know. He moved. We weren’t serious, you know? I mean how can you be serious with a man who wanted to move to an Indian reservation? (friends nod in approval) I mean why would you want to move to an Indian reservation anyway? It’s like the projects… but in camp.
–Casa Mono
Overheard by: foodie
Girl on cell: Oh, so you really like this one. (pause) That’s cool, where did he take you? (pause) Wow, he must be balling! That place is mad expensive, yo. (pause) What did you say his name was again? (pause, then hysterical laughing) Girl, I can’t take anyone named Skip-to-my-Lou seriously!
–32nd St & 5th Ave
Boyfriend to girlfriend: Well, if I get sick of you I’ll just find someone else!
–Movie Theater, 32nd & 8th
Overheard by: Happy I’m not his girlfriend.
Guy on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention? Sorry for bothering you, but I’ve been single for a year, and that shit’s not popping… So, any donations of phone numbers, e-mail addresses, or MySpace pages would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and may god bless.
–C Train
Overheard by: gretchen
Lively black man: My sense of smell is back. I can smell pussy again!
–LIRR
Overheard by: meg
Black girl on cell: …you know it smells like straight bootymeat!
–Times Square
Overheard by: patrick
Obese black woman wearing skin-tight World’s #1 Dad t-shirt: This train smells like urine.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: World’s #2 Dad
Guy on cell: Baby, all I’m saying is when you came home last night, you smelled like another dude!
–107th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: HuntingSnark
Woman to male friend: I’ll just have to call you "anus breath" from now on.
–Jewish Theological Seminary, 122nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Sticking to mouthwash from now on
Woman: I smell dick. (licks her hand, sniffs it) Sho ’nuff!
–R Train
Hobo, to commuters: I’m hungry, homeless, and unemployed. I’m selling these candies for $0.25 so I can buy a meal. You’re all going to die, and you can’t take it with you, so give it to me!
–Shuttle to Times Square
Overheard by: Wondering why he couldn’t just eat the candy…?
Girl: So she was like: "Why can’t we have a candy corn background?" and I was like "Because you’re an idiot!"
–Starbucks, 34th St
Overweight yet stylish gay man: She had a hunger deep inside her that only a Snickers could quench.
–M101 Bus
Overheard by: Holla Back Girl
Mother to young son: You can get something, but I don’t want you to pick out no fucking twenty dollar candy. You ain’t been that good.
–Hershey World, Times Square
Overheard by: esgeness
Professor to student: I found out what they put in their brownies, I plan to use it against them!
–101st & Broadway
Group of high school girls to Mister Softee ice cream truck driver: Hey ice cream man! Ice cream man! Give us some ice cream! We’ll suck you off!
–Beverley & Ocean Parkway
Overheard by: A Radiant Sulk Ninja
Fat crackhead woman: Where you been?
Well dressed businessman: Around… Where you been?
Fat crackhead woman: Lockup!
–Starbucks, Harlem
Overheard by: Ryan J
Muscular bouncer, to drunk girl: I’ll make sure you get in, because you’ve got that cute little lip ring.
Drunk girl: Want to see what else I’ve got?
Fat bouncer: I do!
–310 Bowery
Overheard by: Vasu
Elegant lady on cell: I’m a powerful influence on the Kennedys.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Fat black man to white man who breaks his umbrella while trying to help him open it: Aw, hells no. Don’t make me go all Britney Spears on yo’ ass.
–Duane Reade, 57th & Broadway
Chick, to guy: Danny Pintauro hit on you at a leather club?
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Ladle
Professor to class: … The ark of the covenant gone, only to be found by Harrison Ford later on.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Krisztina
Barista to meathead: … That’s the thing about Drew Bledsoe. He smokes a lot of marijuana.
–11th & Bedford
NYU girl: I want to be Patrick Dempsey! So I could fuck myself!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Maya G.
Suit on cell: Dude, you’re dating Sigourney Weaver? Right now? Dude, are you kissing her? Are you grabbing her ass? Does she still have an ass at this point?
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ken
Short, fat sista: If she was only around my age, then I wouldn’t mind a slave for life.
–27th & 7th
Overheard by: tuna on rye
White guy in scrubs: Wow. Now I know what it felt like to be in the bottom of a slave ship.
–Crowded Franklin Ave 2/3/4/5 platform, Brooklyn
Overheard by: pmd
Punk girl to friend: I’m going to make him my Ukrainian sex slave!
–N 4th St & Driggs Ave
Overheard by: Hipsterrrrrs
Dude: Yeah, well, let me say this in English — she got arrested for selling people…
–Madison Square Garden
Black girl watching Asian girl mop floor: Slavery is back!
–NYFA, Union Square
Overheard by: kswin
Fat lady elbowing her way onto train: Shit, they need to get some bigger subway cars.
–6 train, 28th St
Wife to hubby, after daughter got up from table: She still has a big ass and thighs, but she’s getting better.
–City Bakery, W 18th St
Overheard by: katherine
Man holding huge burger in small bun: Dude! This is like a fat man in spandex!
–Upper West Side
Blonde rubbing grouchy guy’s head: I’m sorry, baby, but you know how I get around fat people, and those two women were huge! Just disgusting!
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Ryan
Hobo: Anyone have a dollar? Anyone? I’m askin’ because all you ladies are beautiful. I don’t bother with ugly people or fat people! They just have problems. Their wife is cheating on them? It’s my fault! No, I just walk on by all those fat people.
–Brooklyn-bound L train
Overheard by: Colleen
Mom to six-year-old son: Junk food is crap. If you eat it, you will be fat. Like Mommy.
–Central Park
