Wednesday One-Liners Have Nothing to Lose But Their Chains

Bearded male hipster on cell: My clit is so stimulated right now! (pause) The communists are attacking! (pause) This is awkward.

–Grassroots Bar

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Guy playing guitar: Look on the bright side, at least we don't have to wait in line for toilet paper anymore. Fucking communists.

–L Train

Overheard by: Milt

Man, seeing another man carrying large box of cereal from warehouse store: That's the biggest box of Cheerios I've seen since we lived on the commune!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Janine

Young, normally-dressed guy, to no one in particular: Your President is a commie scumbag, and he owes me money.

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Posted on October 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Food, Gender issues, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Men, Money & Class, Musicians, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, President, Private Parts, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

No Meal Is Complete Without Wednesday One-Liner!

Suit: Guess what he found. (pause) A stick of butter. (pause) In the soap dish of the bathtub upstairs.

–Cafe Toda, Broadway & John St

Loud teenage boy: They're completely uncivilized. They don't even use tomato sauce.

–Japan Society

Overheard by: Sunny

Student, about dorm room: I walk in and thought there was a pile of shit on my bed. I look a little closer, and it was a fucking wad of dip.

–College, The Bronx

Student to another: Who made you the butter police?

–Union & 7th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lauren Razzore

Posted on October 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, College, Cops, Food, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Smoking, Street, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Teens, The Bronx, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

It's a Beautiful Wednesday in the One-Linerhood

Teenage Guido on cell: The beer is staying in Marine Park. (pause) Yeah, we're going to Rockaway, but the beer is staying in Marine Park. In the alley. My alley! (pause) Yes! You don't understand English, dude!

–Burger King

Overheard by: Laura E.

Guy on cell: I'm always skeptical of people these days who say they want to go out in the Lower East Side. That makes me think they went to Trinity or Duke, and that they suck.

–S. Portland & Fulton

Guy on cell: This is a superficial neighborhood. They'll only hire you if you're young and hot.

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: didn't know my hood was superficial

Tan guy to messenger guy: So what kind of gay are you? Park Slope gay?

–23rd St & 6th Ave

Guy on cell, triumphantly: We're in the Financial District, bitch!

–Financial District

Posted on October 21, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Gays and Lesbians, Guidos, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Language Barrier, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, On Cell, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Eat in a Restaurant Called “Ma's”

Nine-year-old boy to mother, forlornly: In five days, it will be two weeks since we last ate in a restaurant.

–75th & Amsterdam

Jewish girl with heavy New York accent: So when we went to the South we ate at a waffle house, aka the most amazing experience ever! Everyone there was missing at least two teeth!

–Baruch College

Overheard by: kteezy

Man on cell: What the fuck was in that Chipotle last night?

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: Steve

Preppy teenage boy to friend: Dude, so then I took her to Applebee's. She thought it was so romantic–like "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" status.

–Hunter

Overheard by: Hakuna Matata

Posted on October 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, College, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Ethnic Food, Food, Friends, Hunter, Jews, Kids, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Preppies, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Singing, Street, Teens, Time, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Meet the Fail Whale

50-something man to friends: Have you heard about Twitter? It's a new way of communicating in short text messages. Each message is called a twoo… No, a tween. No, a twain. No, a twat… No, that's certainly not it.

–Lobby, Off Broadway Theater

Overheard by: another electric guy

Guy with iPhone: I have to twitter! Does the girl with the room above the high line know she's topless?

–The High Line

Woman, while waiting for film to start: Joan Rivers just tweeted.

–Chelsea Clearview Cinemas

Guy on cell: All those food trucks? I'm not into them, but those fucking homosexuals follow them on twitter.

–Waverly Place & MacDougal

Overheard by: Sally

Unassuming hipster with group of girl friends: Sometimes I drink just so I can tweet drunk.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Middle aged woman dressed like a teen, hitting on baseball fan: Your cat could definitely have a twitter page.

–F Train

Posted on October 21, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Internet, Men, Movie Theaters, Nudity, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Rack, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women, Words

Not in the Face, Wednesday One-Liner!

Man on phone: Wait, so she bit you? Dude! Wait, what? She punched you? Oh, you went to punch her? Dude, you punched her?

–Penn Station

Too young for final stage alcoholism guy: I totally held my own. I knocked the girl out and fucked the guy up.

–10th St & Ave A

Gangster: Next time I see him, I'ma kick him in his good leg.

–Uptown F Train

Softball-player-looking girl to friends: If you ever wear a tiara at your wedding, I'm going to punch you in the face.

–Wagner Park

Overheard by: mclaire

Young mother to others: Yeah, but you hafta be careful. You can't just hit your kids in public.

–Rivington & Essex

Overheard by: verbal abuse ftw!

Boyfriend to girlfriend: But if I punch you in the throat you will stop breathing.

–SoHo

Teen girl: Did you see that? I almost punched Ira's glass in the chest! That was awesome!

–AMC Theater, 19th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on October 14, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Couples, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Gangstas, Girls, Guys, Kick, Kids, Lower East Side, Marriage, Men, Moms, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Penn Station, Punch, Questions, S&M, Sex, Soho, Street, Teens, Threats, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners for T

Announcer: There is a downtown b as in "brothel" train approaching 81st Street. That's right. Brothel.

–81st St Station

Angry hobo, after receiving no money: Well, fine, screw you all! The reason you ain't giving me anything is cause no of y'all speak English. They should call this the "e" for "immigrant" train.

–E Train

Overheard by: Matt

Dude outside bar at happy hour: He expects me to be a BFF. But I'm just a bf… No, I'm just an f.

–9th Ave & 56th St

Overheard by: K Melv

Businesswoman on cell: No… the letter s… "s" as in "shot."

–Madison Square Park

Crazy woman to herself: My mom always called me "a" because, when I was little, really little, like before I could talk, I would sing "a a a a a a" over and over. And that was the joke, that I knew the first letter of the alphabet. (shrugs)

–S79 Bus

Little kid, singing alphabet song: A – b – c – d – h – i – v!

–M102 Bus

Posted on October 14, 2009
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Clerks, Crazies, Friendship, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Language Barrier, Madison Square Garden, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Panhandling, Parents, Parks, Public Transportation, Singing, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

Where's Wednesday One-Liner's Busy Bee? It Needs Its Busy Bee!!

Crazy older guy to lady in park with barking dog: Lady, you keep that dog quiet! That dog is better-looking than you are.

–W 63rd & West End

Overheard by: Beez and Newb

Guy in red shirt: You make me feel so pedophilic when I tell you about violating my dog.

–Central Park

Man on cell: You're always saying your dog is sick! "My dog has diarrhea! I can't come out!"

–Fulton & Broadway

Overheard by: would you rather she have it?

Black kid to white couple walking poodle: I've only seen dogs like that in movies.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Poodle Lady

Girl on cell: So I'm getting off the a and I see this tall girl and I know her! So I'm like "Sarah?" and she's like "I haven't seen you since middle school!" and she cut all her hair off and she's like "When did you dye your hair black?" and my hair's soooo not black! But I saw Sarah! You know, the one whose cat tried to eat my toes off that one time! So we talked and then there was this lady who was totally tossing chow all over the place! Hello! Trash can right there—hold up, I gotta go, I see a Weiner dog!

–72nd St & Central Park West

Posted on October 7, 2009
Beastiality, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Central Park, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Crazies, Elementary & Middle School, Film, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Illness, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Men, Movies, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Rape, Robbing the Cradle, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

You Look Great! Have You Been Wednesday-One-Linering?

Old obese Italian guy sharing pizza and a pitcher of beer with old obese Italian friend: Yeah, so I walk 3-4 miles 5 times a week, and I eat a lot of salad.

–Carmine St.

Fat running lady to friend, watching middle school track team go by: Haha, look at dem running girls. I can run like that too!

–by the Hudson River

Morbidly obese woman walking track to group of friends: Look at all these people runnin da track all fast and shit. (panting) Look at dem with their skinny asses running past us like they're better and shit. Fagmuffins!

–Forest Park Track, Queens

Overheard by: D. Scibe

Girl on cell phone: I mean, usually in order to get a full workout it takes me like an hour to sweat. I never sweat, never. It's always so hard for me to get a workout. (pause) Yeah, seriously, I mean, I've gotta stretch first, work myself up, I mean… Really, it takes a long time til I feel like I've gotten a good workout usually. But this time it was just one… (pause) awesome, huge, unbelievable cock! (pause) Oh, shit, I forgot I'm in public!

–15th & 7th

Cop to guy in handcuffs: I swear to god I won't arrest you if you do 10 push-ups right now. Swear to god.

–28th & 2nd

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Fitness, Food, Friends, Girls, Hudson River, Insults, Italians, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Queens, Sports, Street, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Jennifer Wednesday-One-Liner Hewitt

Eight-year-old girl to eight-year-old friend: You see, I love him, but I can't make that kind of commitment right now.

–Carroll Gardens

Lone suit, shaking fists in air: Why do fools fall in love?!

–Wall Street

Overheard by: poisonivy

Woman to neighbor, shouting out of the window: She's an idiot! She knows the man's a fucking bullshit artist, and she's in love with him!

–Hoffman St & 187th

Inebriated, tattooed man on cell: You fuckin' love me?! You fuckin' know what? That's fuckin' unreal, you know why?! Because you fuckin' don't!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Cara

Sallow, skinny, melancholy tattooed dude: Looking for love in all the wrong places… That's why I was after her ass.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Arts & Letters, Ass, Brooklyn, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Love, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Port Authority, Questions, Skinny People, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Bronx, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women