Wednesday One-Liners– What the Fudge?

Professor, to deaf student's interpreter: Do you deal with "fuck" and "shit" and all that?

–Pratt Institute

Mother to bickering daughters: Let me tell you something: you two bags are the only motherfuckers I got left!

–21st St & 35th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Daniel Boris Dzula

Young woman in burqa on cell: And Jesus Christ! What the fuck was that bitch thinking?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: ABrooklynBaby'sNanny

Girl on cell: And he said, "I am trying to learn here!" and I said, "fuck you!"

–112 & Broadway

Overheard by: Nathan

Hobo: I was in Nantucket when I lost my bucket! Then I said, "fuck it!"

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stacy

Woman crying to friend: I don't want to do the fucking SAG Awards!

–Bryant Park

Posted on October 22, 2008
Astoria, Brooklyn, Bryant Park, College, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Insults, Jesus, Moms, On Cell, Parks, Questions, Show business, Sisters, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for LeVar Burton

Chipper, young, possibly gay guy with afro to random woman, after switching seats and moving closer: Sorry to bother you, but I just had to tell you this. I have this book of all these, like, African kings and queens and princesses and stuff. And I just had to tell you that you look just like one of the African queens in it. Like, just like her! Oh, I wish I had the book with me! I would show her to you.

–Q Train

Overheard by: katiek

Super-irate hippie chick in braids, yelling on cell: Thanks to you, everyone thinks I'm a fucking freak. Everyone looks at me like I'm fucking Pearl from the fucking Scarlet Letter!

–Court St & Bergen

Overheard by: Siobhan

Young deli clerk on phone, in confidential tones: William Shakespeare! Shakespeare!

–4th Ave & Bergen St, Boerum Hill

Cockeyed old man in hat to Strand employee: Where are the regular books?

–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway

Annoying rich girl to friend: So I got a library card so I can read more, but then I realized that I don't like used things and I stopped going.

–Bookstore, 71st St & Lexington

Girl (outside of her AP English classroom): Wait…Huck Finn never had syphilis!

–Stuyvesant High School

Woman to friend helping her find a book: You don't have to worry about giving away the ending. I know what happens to those six million people.

–The Strand

Posted on October 22, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hippies, History & Geography, Hitler/Nazis, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Rich people, STDs, Store, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

He Says I Always Smell Skanktastic

Chick #1: It smells like bathroom deodorizer in here.
Chick #2: I was spraying so much cheap perfume on my crotch today that my roommate finally came in and told me to stop. I was so nervous because I'm meeting my ex-boyfriend later, and the cheap stuff doesn't last long.

–Bedford Ave

Overheard by: akesmith

Posted on October 20, 2008
Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Hook Ups, Sensory Experiences, Vagina

Hey, You're the One Who Said Hot-Pink Rhinestones Were Coming Back

Girl #1, coming out of bar: Oh my god, can you believe he thought I was interested in him? My tastes are way better than that!
Girl #2: And yet you bought that jacket.
Girl #1: What did you say?
Girl #2: Nothing…

–Bedford & 9th St

Overheard by: I agree with your friend

Posted on October 19, 2008
Beauty, Brooklyn, Clothing, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Questions

How Men Talk About Their Feelings

Bro #1: Dude, I fucked her two nights ago and she keeps calling me. Fuck that bitch, I can get so much better pussy.
Bro #2: I love motion sensor dispensers…it makes me feel like I have The Force.

–Bar Bathroom, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Manc

Posted on October 19, 2008
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Insults, Movies, Sex, Stall Spies

Which Reminds Me, How's the Pepperoni Here?

Guy #1: Talk about pum pum shorts! I mean, it was disgusting!
Guy #2: Wasn't it?!

–Sal's Pizza Place, Brooklyn

Overheard by: wrong part of the convo to walk in on

Posted on October 16, 2008
Brooklyn, Clothing, Default, Etiquette, Guys, Private Parts, Restaurants & Cafes

200 Wednesday One-Liners, and Nothing to Watch!

Girl on phone (after finding out there was a medical emergency on the first car): Yeah, apparently there's an emergency in the front car. I mean, I just finished watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy, maybe I can help.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Andres

Man to friend: And that's why I like to get stoned and watch the Julia Child show. She's not as shy as you'd think.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wants to know why!

Crazy man (in a normal voice) Look at the three white women! (in a high falsetto) Let's go shopping! Then let's go fucking! Let's get abortions! Just like Sex and the City!

–Hudson & Charles

Overheard by: lilli

Latina: He was stuck in the garbage can like Screech in a locker.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: TOD

Hobo walking by Law & Order set: I wanna be on Law & Order. I can play a cop!

–94th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sargeant Pants

Woman, stopping dead in her tracks in front of a poster for the new version of Beverly hills 90210: Uh oh… Oh no… Uh oh…

–86th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Julia

Posted on October 15, 2008
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Crazies, Fears, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Men, On Cell, Race, Sex, Shopping, Trains Not Subway, TV, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Heights and Inwood, Weed, West Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners, Capisce?

Guido: I once kept a clove of garlic in my mouth for a whole week.

–18th & 5th

Overheard by: Alistar Spencer

20-something to Guido friend: Dude, it's not my fault you look like a child molester.

–Meatpacking District

Overheard by: Sam

Guido with gelled hair to Guidette, as it starts to rain: I made $500 off this haircut, I am not getting it wet and ruined! No!

–Union Square

Guido on 'roids, to his three Guido friends: Yo, it don't matter if you fucked 5,000 girls! You suck a cock once, you a cock-sucker fo' life!

–Spumoni Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: POLA

Guido to another: Boy, breakdancing when you're high is impossible.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: baby g

Guido on cell: I have an extra queen-sized mattress at my place. I'll set up my camera, you'll come over with Sarah and fuck on it, and we can sell it as a porno afterwards. I don't see why this is so hard.

–St. Mark's & Ave. A

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Friends, Guidos, Hair, Home, Sweet Home, Malls, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Porn, Queens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Can You Sell Wednesday One-Liners on the Black Market?

Skater kid: Where's my tongue?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Toast

Guy on bus (shouting from the back of the bus): Driver, you know this bus is not gentle on those who have testicles. I mean there's all these bumps and everything's jumping around.

–B12 Bus

Butch lesbian yelling into phone: How do you think I found out my thyroid wasn't working?

–M14D Bus

Old guy to pretty girl: You have some nice legs. You should be doing stocking commercials. Anyone ever tell you that? (now to himself) Oh, the woes of racism have plagued us from Egyptian times!

–R Train

Stock floor guy on cell: Every time we think this thing is coming to a head, there's another head…how many heads does this thing have?

–Wall St & Broadway

Overheard by: Michael

Woman on cell: The best place for your thighs is around my neck. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is.

–58th & Columbus Circle

Posted on October 15, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Clothing, Compliments, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Lesbians, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sexuality, Skaters, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women