The United Colors Of Wednesday One-Liners

Yuppie to French friend: That's the first thing you learn in husband school. Unless you really like doing the laundry, the first time you do it turn everything pink. The second time, turn everything pink.

–Metro-North Line

Overheard by: 2,563 times later my dad still turns everything pink

Teen girl: I love the color brown an' shit.

–86th St & 4th Ave, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Suit to another: Oh, Charlie, don't you know not to wear green on Thursdays?

–Flatiron Building

Stoned guy: Whoa, it's the roygbiv, like, having a threesome.

–Dream House, Tribeca

Brunette: I saw a mess of pink and black on the floor, and I knew it was Michelle.

–Jake's Dilemma Bar

Overheard by: TCS

Posted on March 18, 2009
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Wednesday Pleads Down to One-Liners

Thuggish Asian watching Cops in store window: Yo, the one without the shirt is always guilty.

–College Point

Teen girl on cell: I tried biting some people, I got arrested.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon

Very loud and drunk crackhead to friend: I don't care who you are. Everybody goes to jail some time.

–Hoyt & Warren, Brooklyn

Pharmacist on phone: Oh my, is she okay? (pause) That's when you got arrested on the plane?
(pause) At Fort Dix!?

–Drugstore, 6th Ave

Overheard by: Transit161

Friend to another, yelling across street: Good luck with your rape case…I know it wasn't you!

–Centre & Grand

Overheard by: jzjmrdangerdowntown

Small boy, singing to himself: Goodbye, everybody say goodbye… To Chris Brown…'cuz he smacked a woman and he's going to jail.

–Barnard College

Posted on March 18, 2009
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Wednesday One-Liners Star in Dude, Where's My Brother?

Black man handing out leaflets: Your feet are like chicken nuggets, and I want to eat them!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex Bailey

Father to toddler: Well, what if I go crazy and bite your butt off?

–M&M World Store

Hispanic man to friends: Yo, man–I eat that pussy from *behind*!

–61st & 3rd

NYU guy: No, I don't condone cannibalism. Though I could see why you think I would.

–NYU Elevator

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on March 18, 2009
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Let's Chip in and Get Wednesday One-Liners a GPS for Christmas

Confused American: I used to think Atlantic City was in Atlantic State.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: MBS

Drunk guy: I don't understand why people are giving Sarah Palin so much grief over that Russia thing. It really *is* pretty close to Alaska.

–W 66th St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Anti-McCain dude to another: Man, Sarah Palin is crazy. Yo, she's just crazy. Why did John McCain even pick her? She's not even an American citizen, she's Alaskan!

–The Bronx

Nervous white lady: Um, is the Broadway/Lafayette stop coming up soon?

–Uptown 1 Train

UPS guy to lost tourists: I'm not a GPS! I'm the UPS!

–Prince & Lafayette

Overheard by: dee

Posted on March 18, 2009
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The Passion Of the Wednesday One-Liner

Art humanities professor: As you may have learned from the bible or emo music, Jesus was crucified.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Molly Moo

Suit to another: Wow, there used to be a forest on your head. You look like an Irish Jesus.

–Office Building, 8th Ave

Overheard by: sitting in my cube with my ears wide open

Chick in miniskirt and fishnets: Fuck, it's cold! Jesus forgot to pay his heating bill!

–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Amber Star

Man to friend as they cross an intersection: Jesus Christ used to walk everywhere, so why can't we? You know whah-I'm-sayin'?

–Midtown

Overheard by: Ferna

Screaming fan girl, watching Robert Patterson sparkling shirtless in the sunlight: He's Jesus!

–14th St Regal Cinemas

Overheard by: laughing despite herself

Asian chick: Does he praise Jesus? Does he drink Scotch?

–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea

Overheard by: Shringle

Posted on March 18, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Classroom, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Insults, Jesus, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Music, Office, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Little Wednesday One-Liners, Big World

Woman to another: So he had this four foot midget, and he was wearing an Obama mask.

–50th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: jellybean

Stoned hipster: I'm short, right? So, like, I feel so close to the ground right now.

–3rd Ave & 11th

Waiter sticking head out of restaurant, to short bald guy: Hey! Are you a little bit of luck?

–35th & 10th

Guy selling comedy show tickets: Yeah! It's a comedy show! Yes, we've got drunken midgets and everything. No, you can talk to me, I'm not trying to sell you drugs!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Avigdor from Jericho

Frat guy to buddies: Is that the place with the midgets under the bar that take care of you while you drink?

–H&M, Broadway-SoHo

Posted on March 18, 2009
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Wednesday One-Eyed-Trouser-Snake-Liners

Middle aged woman on cell: You will never see your penis again! No more penis! Is that punishment enough for you?

–82nd & Columbus Ave

Black man to friend: None of them jeans fit, cuz my cock is just too huge, nigga!

–Steve & Barrys, Mariners Harbor Staten Island

Overheard by: Samantha

Sister to brother leaning on her crossed leg: Excuse me, I feel like your pee-pee is resting on my foot.

–7 Train

Latina to friend: He did everything short of taking out his penis and smacking him with it!

–Jerome Ave, the Bronx

Chick: Man, I just feel like there are a lot of penises and penis information in my life lately.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meister E.

Middle aged man on cell: But does she know about King Dong, the penis pump?

–Stuyvesant St, Manhattan

Posted on March 18, 2009
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Does This Wednesday Go to One-Liner Street?

Four-year old to his father, dreamily: Let's go on the u train! The beautiful u train!

–D Line

Overheard by: Caitlin

Ditzy girl to friend: I hope there's an exit at this station.

–96th St Station

Amiable suit, answering cell: Hi, hon. (pause) Well, I can't talk long–I have to drive this train.

–Amtrak, Penn Station

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Little boy: Is this train going to move, or what?

–Transit Museum

Overheard by: Rita

MTA worker in booth, over intercom: Hello everyone. The cost to ride the subway is $2. Only $2. The woman in that blue leather jacket and red hat thinks it's free. If you are standing next to a woman in a blue leather jacket and a red hat, tell her she needs to pay her toll like everyone else.

–6 Train Station

Posted on March 11, 2009
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Dads, Free stuff!, Friends, Girls, Kids, Money & Class, More museums, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners for Ann Coulter

Old guy on phone: All I've done is live in a bitchy bitchy bitchy world.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Danielle

Ghetto guy to another: A bitch in a wheelchair can still suck a dick!

–25th St & 6th Ave

Wife to husband: You do the thinkin', I'll do the bitchin'.

–84th & 2nd

Overheard by: Val

Male scrub nurse: Yeah, he's in that bitch right now. (female scrub nurse looks shocked, male scrub nurse wiggles fingers on both hands) Yeah, he's in there.

–Mount Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: and by

Thug to friend: Yeah my homegirl…she's a slutty bitch, but she's good people.

–Q Train

Posted on March 11, 2009
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It's Wednesday– Do You Know Who Your One-Liner's With?

Young man to friend: So, about your girlfriend…I think she and I should fuck.

–Union Square West & 16th St

Street hawker selling datebooks: Wanna cheat on your husband? Plan it out! Get a daily planner, write it in red!

–Herald Square

Overheard by: MPW

Hipster teen girl to friend: Dude, don't worry about it. Whenever I want guys to cheat on their girlfriends with me I always just take off my pants and start singing Afroman.

–Mulberry St

Chick to friends: Seriously, it's a full-on dating service for married people. (pause) Like, adulterers.

–Broadway & Avenue of the Americas

Overheard by: Chuckles

Guy to another: Have you been cheating a lot? Does she know you're gay?

–6 Train

Hobo: So would all unhappily married women please step forward? I know there are some unhappily married women out there, and I'm willing to satisfy your needs. (pause) I know you're out there!

–Times Square

Overheard by: John

Posted on March 11, 2009
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One-liners