Lady: Do you have Real Simple?
Magazine Seller: What?
Lady: Real Simple? Do you have Real Simple magazine?
Magazine Seller: What?
Lady: Real Simple! Do you have Real Simple?!
–Magazine Stand, Herald Square
Overheard by: Rehey
Lady: Do you have Real Simple?
Magazine Seller: What?
Lady: Real Simple? Do you have Real Simple magazine?
Magazine Seller: What?
Lady: Real Simple! Do you have Real Simple?!
–Magazine Stand, Herald Square
Overheard by: Rehey
Tourist mom with mullet, trying to take a picture of cute five-year old boy: Stand by the testicles, honey. Stand by the balls!
–Wall Street Bull
Overheard by: oh tourists
Suit to street vendor: You spend the money and get blue balls…
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Colin
Guy on cell: Fucking shit! What the fuck? This fucking shit is fucking messed up! (pause) Whatever, mommy… just get me a large, it'll give me more room for my balls.
–97th St & Madison Ave
Big guy in chair on sidewalk to friend: So, I ate a pair of balls last night. Lamb balls. Hot and spicy.
–Heath St & 231st St
Overheard by: Km
Ghetto man to Dunkin' Donuts cashier: Yo, how much is da balls?
–W 148th & Broadway
Sick girl: I probably don't have swine flu…but I was in Brooklyn last night.
–90th St & Lexington
Overheard by: UESider
Woman on cell: What's with this pig virus thing going around? It's killing people in Mexico, Europe, here in Queens… (pause) Do that many people eat bacon?
–55th & Madison
Overheard by: Jesus Jon
High school student, watching overheated and smoking car: What the fuck is this shit?! Dat nigga's muffler got dat swine flu!
–M86 Bus
Overheard by: Ben
Hipster guy on cell: Oh, your enthusiasm is just like the swine flu!
–22nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: BL
Amateur rapper, walking down street: If you got the swine flu, bitch, stay outta my hood! Cause the sun it is shinin' and I'm feelin' so good.
–188th St & Washington Ave
Hipster guy: Abby is a total germophobe. She was like, "what have you eaten lately?" and I was like, "a raw pig from Mexico. Is that bad?"
–76th St & 3rd Ave
Dad to whiny three-year-old daughter: And now you're going to try and manipulate me by crying.
–186th St & Ft. Washington Ave
Girl to friends: That's just the way the world is. You don't see me cryin' whenever someone calls me a fat bitch or a short bitch or an ugly bitch…
–23rd & 8th
15-year-old boy: Yo, I'd cry if that happened to me, but I'm just sensitive like that.
–A Train
Overheard by: pop pop
Girl: And then you know I take out my yo-yo and start dancing. And then you know I'm multi-tasking! I'm yo-yoing, dancing and crying all at the same time!
–LaGuardia High School
Woman on cell: Alex, stop crying. Stop crying. What about the breadsticks, were there at least breadsticks?
–34th & 6th
Big guy on phone: … All I’m sayin’ is that’s wrong, man — you hit an ol’ woman, and you’re a boxer!
–151st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Thin walls
Guy on cell: So, wait — you punched her or slapped her? In the face?! Oh. Ow… Yeah, that’s still not appropriate.
–N 6th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: j
Angry guy on cell: This guy laid a fucking warrant on me for beating up crackheads!
–168th & Fort Washington Ave
Overheard by: RR
Five-year-old girl to seven-year-old brother: I’ll punch your Adam’s apple straight down your throat!
–Graham Ave bus station
Black girl on rising escalator, to friend: If he says anything to me, I’m gonna kick him in the ding-ding and then run!
–Broadway East station
Overheard by: Subwaysurfer
Preppy girl: I really loved that movie. I thought it was titillating… And not just because there was cock and balls. I don’t care about that.
–Third Avenue
Guy to self: Brokeback mountain… Starring Hillary Clinton!
–Herald Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Worst Movie Ever
Doofette: I mean like I know it got the Oscar and all, but I thought "No Country for Old Men" was pretty boring. I have to admit though the choreography was amazing.
–SoHo
Thug, peddling pile of DVDs: Ghetto Blockbuster! I am your ghetto Blockbuster! I got movies, CDs, porno. [Another group of customers walks in.] I got that action, comedy, romance and I got that pussy! I am your friendly neighborhood ghetto Blockbuster.
–24 Hour McDonalds, Water & Moore
Overheard by: BigKahuna&BigRed
Creepy hipster: You’d think you can’t have sex to "Silence of the Lambs"…
–Huron St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Dude on cell: If you like murder, you’re gonna love this movie!
–48 Bus
Older black man to nobody in particular: Ain't nothin' done changed in two-hundred years! White folks is still goin' round makin' a mess and then makin' a black man come in and clean up after them…
–Post Office, Gun Hill & Jerome, The Bronx
Asian girl: Do white people eat sandwiches for dinner?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Spec
Black teen girl: If a sister is feeding a white bitch, you know she is fucked up.
–T.G.I. Friday's
Overheard by: Chris K
Black chick: But can a Frenchman be a honky?
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Hunter
Linguistically savvy hobo: The term "cracker" originated from a man named Robert Whitely. It was used to refer to people as "white trash".
–37th & 3rd
Latina woman to elderly mother: We gonna find you a seat soon, mami. If I gotta beat up white bitches… Let's go.
–3rd & 1st
Overheard by: j
Queer #1: Oh, good god, no! He looks like Jack from Will & Grace…
Queer #2: Oh, stop!
Queer #1: … Only about 30 years older.
Queer #2: That would make him, like, 80!
–Greenwich & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Manhattman
Guy to girl, seeing large group of black guys ahead: Uh…let's cross the street.
Girl: You're afraid!
Guy: No, it's just that if they wanted to give us trouble, I don't know if I could hold them off while you ran.
Girl: You're cute.
–123rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Playing it safe.
Usher: I will tell you once again: do not use your cell phone! I know how to wrestle!
–Theatre
Man: What kind of faggot has a 551 number?
–Cooper Union, Astor Place
Overheard by: a friend of mine does
Drunk Long Island girl: I don't know! I guess my phone was on lock or unlock or whatever, but my boobs must have called you!
–W 10th St
Overheard by: max
Blonde NYU ditz, looking at BlackBerry: Wait… what area code is 718? That's like really far away, right?
–Sullivan & Bleecker
Overheard by: i actually laughed at her
Conductor: This is the train to Ronkonkoma, also known as "ko, hip hip hey and away we go." When using cell phones, please, keep it quiet, 'cause no one really wants to know what you're talkin' about.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Goober
