The White Devil's Wednesday One-Liners

Older black man to nobody in particular: Ain't nothin' done changed in two-hundred years! White folks is still goin' round makin' a mess and then makin' a black man come in and clean up after them…

–Post Office, Gun Hill & Jerome, The Bronx

Asian girl: Do white people eat sandwiches for dinner?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Spec

Black teen girl: If a sister is feeding a white bitch, you know she is fucked up.

–T.G.I. Friday's

Overheard by: Chris K

Black chick: But can a Frenchman be a honky?

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Hunter

Linguistically savvy hobo: The term "cracker" originated from a man named Robert Whitely. It was used to refer to people as "white trash".

–37th & 3rd

Latina woman to elderly mother: We gonna find you a seat soon, mami. If I gotta beat up white bitches… Let's go.

–3rd & 1st

Overheard by: j

Posted on September 18, 2014
Age/Aging, Asians, Black People, Cleanliness, Fighting and ass kicking, Food, Girls, Grand Central, History & Geography, Hobos, Latinos, Men, Moms, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Post Office, Psychology, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, The Bronx, Threats, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

So What Is That in Straight Years?

Queer #1: Oh, good god, no! He looks like Jack from Will & Grace…
Queer #2: Oh, stop!
Queer #1: … Only about 30 years older.
Queer #2: That would make him, like, 80!

–Greenwich & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Manhattman

Posted on September 17, 2014
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, Compare/Contrast, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Street, The Village

Thinly-Veiled Racism Is Certainly the Way to My Heart

Guy to girl, seeing large group of black guys ahead: Uh…let's cross the street.
Girl: You're afraid!
Guy: No, it's just that if they wanted to give us trouble, I don't know if I could hold them off while you ran.
Girl: You're cute.

–123rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Playing it safe.

Posted on September 16, 2014
Fears, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Race, Street, Violence

Please Remain on the Line. Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Important to Us.

Usher: I will tell you once again: do not use your cell phone! I know how to wrestle!

–Theatre

Man: What kind of faggot has a 551 number?

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a friend of mine does

Drunk Long Island girl: I don't know! I guess my phone was on lock or unlock or whatever, but my boobs must have called you!

–W 10th St

Overheard by: max

Blonde NYU ditz, looking at BlackBerry: Wait… what area code is 718? That's like really far away, right?

–Sullivan & Bleecker

Overheard by: i actually laughed at her

Conductor: This is the train to Ronkonkoma, also known as "ko, hip hip hey and away we go." When using cell phones, please, keep it quiet, 'cause no one really wants to know what you're talkin' about.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Goober

Posted on September 11, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Clerks, Conductors, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Insults, Men, Names, NYC Geography, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Rack, Sorority Girls, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Killed My Parents for the Same Reason

Older guy: This is classic Tupac before the gangsta rap.
High school girl: What you listenin’ to him for? He dead.

–31st & 7th

Headline by: Andrea

Runners-Up:
· “And Besides, His Grammar Is Sub-par” – Louis
· “John Edwards Radio: Dead Artists, Unfinished Buisness” – diana
· “My Anti-posthumousness Rule Also Applies to Literature. Shakespeare? Who Dat?” – Michelle
· “So? 3 Out Of 4 Americans Listen to That Jesus Guy!” – kh

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on September 11, 2014
Advice, Death, Girls, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Questions, Street, Teens

Wednesday Drunk-Liners

Tipsy, barefoot woman, lifting skirt in broad daylight: Gotta air out my coochie!

–W 88th St

Belligerent drunk woman: I've never even heard of these fucking stops! (later) Scarsdale! I don't even know how to spell "Scarsdale"! Other than…Scarsdale. (later) What the fuck is Hartsdale? Slap me across the face with a big dick!

–Metro-North Train

Drunk girl to friends sitting on a couch left on the sidewalk: Don't sit on that couch, it's probably covered in bodily urine!

–East Village

Overheard by: Herr Professor Doktor

Drunk wife to drunk husband during poker game: Don't you dare tell me about things that I don't understand!

–Poker Game, Astoria

Overheard by: NYCWATERBABY

Drunk girl: Bedford Avenue does not know how to find the clit!

–L Train

Posted on September 9, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Astoria, Bitch-slap, Cleanliness, Couples, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Insults, Names, Nudity, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The High Times Of Wednesday One-Liners

Mother to friend: If our kids would just smoke weed they'd be fine.

–Borough Hall, Brooklyn

Five-year-old child, walking past table of glass bongs and pipes: Daddy, I want one!

–Astor Place

Promoter for comedy club: Free bag of weed if you come to the 9:30 show!

–Times Square

Enthusiastic, loud girl on cell: Smoking pot? So you were smoking…you don't have to be so worried about people hearing what you're saying, nobody's even listening…seriously.

–27th & 7th

Overheard by: And she had to end up being in my class..

30-something lady: When she was just selling pot to Kevin Nealon, I think that was better.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Brainy

Posted on September 8, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Family Ties, Free stuff!, Friends, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Smoking, Street, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

…But You Need to Say That While Jabbing Her with Sticks

NYU girl to friend: She looks like a lesbian.
Random older man walking by: Aw, don't talk about her like that when she's not around.
NYU girl: But she does!
Random older man: Okay, I believe you.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Ramsey

Posted on September 2, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gossip, Old People, Sorority Girls, Street, Washington Square Park

When Managers Become Homeless

Bum: Will you watch my table and make sure no one uses it. Or if they do, then charge them $5.
Girl: No. Sorry, I’m leaving.
Bum: Ok then, will you give me a hug? I’ve had a bad day, I need a hug.
Girl: Um… Sorry, no.
Bum: Well, I need a hug, and you are supposed to do your civic duty!

–Union Square

Posted on August 30, 2014
Default, Girls, Homeless, Hugs, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners. (And by That We Mean Exactly What You Think We Mean.)

Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large.

–Village ATM

Overheard by: rafa

Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her.

–Wollman Rink, Central Park

Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang?

–Hard Rock Cafe

Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely

Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Rachel K

Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load.

–Columbia University