Wednesday One-Liners Feel Like a Woman or Whatever

Asian girl: A tranny spat and peed on me last night… so I guess I'm okay.

–Screaming MiMi's Boutique

Overheard by: Nancy

Gay guy, after woman bumps into him: Did you just step on my vagina?

–A Train

College boy: So then I woke up and realized I was next to a tranny…

–Manhattan College

"Girl" sitting at the door: My panties are too small to hold my dick in.

–Williamsburg

Catholic school girl, carrying large backpack, to friend: I'm looking forward to leaving this bathroom a guy. A very effeminate guy, but still a guy.

–Bathroom, Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Innocent Bathroom-goer

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Catholics, Clothing, College, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Height, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Smegma, Store, Students, Trannies, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

Silky-Smooth and Lightly Scented Wednesday One-Liners

Guido to another: She actually shaves between sex and shit.

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Belladonna Wexhome

Middle-aged Guido: Nobody gives tricks any more, only treats. I remember when I was a kid. I used to get shaving cream in my face.

–78th St & West End

Overheard by: jess_stang

Guy coming out of Beeswax screening: I will not bow to the hegemony of the razor.

–BAM Cinemafest

Girl to friend and boyfriend: I definitely prefer a female gynecologist to a male one. Mine is a really old woman, and she's great! She just says to me, "I am shaving you." My lips are really big!

–E 7th St

Overheard by: Evan

Posted on January 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Hair, Height, Kids, Medicine, Movie Theaters, One-liners, Physical appearance, Poop, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Slow and Steady Wins the Wednesday One-Liner

Subway conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being held up by dispatch because we have a sloooooooow moving "a" train. Thank you for your patience. And don't forget, blame the "a" train; it ain't our fault.

–D Train

Overheard by: Alice

Conductor: We currently are waiting behind another 7 train… Slow movin' bastards.

–7 Train

Overheard by: They really were

Conductor: You do not want to take the 4 or the 5, because they will not be setting any land speed records.

–6 Train

Jaded MTA conductor: We're being delayed because of signal problems up ahead. There's a train in like every station. Because of the cold weather we've got signal issues; we're moving as fast as we can, it just might take a while. MTA: "might take a while."

–W Train

Posted on January 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Insults, Names, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Got Game

Old queer on cell: Okay, well I'll be watching the Mets game, or the Jets game, whatever you call it… What do they call it when you men all sit together and can't talk?

–Broadway & 103rd St

Iranian tourist to street performer: We don't have a vote but we have a basketball team!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: RAR!

Subway conductor: This is the uptown "d" express train, making all express stops in Manhattan and The Bronx, including 161st Street, so the Yankees can host the Minnesota Twins. We'd like to welcome all Detroit Tigers fans riding with us–shame you couldn't bring your team.

–Uptown D Train

Female sports fan: A-Rod's back baby! Kate Hudson has a magic pussy!

–Pub, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: Pub crawler

Teenage girl to group of attentive friends: If leprechauns could play basketball, they would.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on January 27, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Fast Times at New York High, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Magic, Mets, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Passengers, Politics, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Sports, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words, Yankees

Wednesday One-Liners Kill You With Your Own Collarbone

Drunk to Asian guy: Tell me, why is it that when Asians get in street fights, they never use their martial arts?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Fonvielle

Waiter: Please let me know if you have any food allergies. We ninjas don't like to kill by accident; we only kill on purpose.

–Ninja Japanese Restaurant

Little boy to grandfather: Hey grandpa, are you a black belt or any kind of ninja?

–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jess

Health care worker: I'ma kill that ninja!

–Brooklyn Health Center

Posted on January 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Baristas, Brooklyn, Clerks, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Ethnic Food, Families, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Kids, Murder, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Threats, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are Also a Member

Woman on cell: The inflatable penis and inflatable vagina are for me, mom, I figured the kids could use them as pillows.

–Broadway & Worth St

Overheard by: Hoping I never go on a car trip with this broad

Passerby to man peeing in the bushes: There's a kid coming, put your cock up!

–Union Square

Scene Soho chick: He's not gay, he just loves cock!

–Uncle Nick's Greek Cuisine, 9th Ave

Overheard by: Todd

Little boy throwing marshmallows: I hit him in the penis!

–Frankfort & Rose

Overheard by: Kristen

Posted on January 20, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, Men, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pee, Penis, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“Not a Wednesday Was Stirring, Not Even a One-Liner”

Little girl: Daddy! I'm so excited to see the rats!

–Metro-North Rail

20-something guy to friends: He couldn't drink because he was on antibiotics. He got a rat disease from a lab rat that bit him.

–Lincoln Center

Guy to girlfriend: I step on dead rats all the time!

–Mercer St

Overheard by: Julie

20-something girl on cell: The mouse was fed to the snake the night before, so when I saw it the next morning, I freaked.

–R Train

Cop: We had a guy down here eating a rat. I said, "You're a gentleman in society." He put the rat in his mouth.

–South Ferry Subway

Posted on January 20, 2010
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Cops, Dads, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Street, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Some Wednesday One-Liners to Make You Lose Your Appetite

Guy on cell: It's not like I take my ear wax, put it on my penis, and use it as lube.

–Queens

Overheard by: Jess

Friends on stoop: Bro, did you see that ass? I would lick the fart out that ass!

–19th & 6th

Middle-aged yuppie, about club in Las Vegas: And I said "here's our check, and if another pubic hair falls in our drink, you're in trouble!"

–Times Square

Overheard by: Scott

Boy in car to mom: Hey mom, what about anal leakage?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brenna

Guy to friend: She said she was stressed out studying for finals, I didn't realize that meant she hadn't been showering. As soon as I got there we started "hitting it". It was too late when I realized how dirty she was. Dude, I literally licked a layer of crust off her.

–3rd St b/w Ave A & B

Overheard by: saffrosun

Posted on January 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Excretions, Farting & Burping, Friends, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Licking, Lube, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queens, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yuppies

10 Wednesdays I One-Liner About You

Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure I don't like 'em!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: eternal student

Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it's you again! Why do you hate me?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sara

Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!

–Park Ave & 31st St

Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!

–Hot'n'Crusty, Upper West Side

Posted on January 13, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Flyer people, Fordham, Free stuff!, Friends, Gripes, History & Geography, Hobos, Idiots, Insults, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Street, Students, Stupidity, Times Square, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Have You Ever Faked a Wednesday One-Liner?

Guy on cell: We get a little crazy wearing real pants. If we go to the store or something, we'll find ourselves bickering because we're wearing real pants.

–Washington Square Park

Traffic cop, motioning people to move quicker to clear the intersection: C'mon, people! They're real cars, they hit real hard!

–Broadway & Houston

Incredulous 30-something to tourist parents, during intermission of The Lion King: Well, I'm just really disappointed. I thought there were going to be real lions.

–Minskoff Theater

Overheard by: Not at the Circus

Lady in glasses on cell: Being naked is being real.

–West Broadway & Thomas St

Overheard by: Alex S.

Posted on January 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Cops, Crazy, Guys, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Theater & Dance, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Women