Wednesday One-Liners Dig Deuteronomy

Old Jewish woman at the start of Yom Kippur: I think god wants me to be in a theater rather than in temple.

–45th & 8th

Little boy to friend: It wasn't until last year that I realized that not everybody is Jews!

–Near Columbia

Overheard by: CSims

Gym receptionist discussing television series Mad Men: It's sexist against women…and Jews, too!

–10th & 7th

Overheard by: Zack

Elderly Jewish woman, in hushed voice, to elderly Jewish man: My rabbi is an atheist who lives in Israel! What can you say?

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Rabbi's Agnostic daughter

Goyish looking guy with toddler in stroller: Well, you know the Hebrews always like to celebrate the New Year–especially in a year that ends in '69, if you know what I mean.

–Mercer & Broome

Overheard by: Garuda

Woman on cell: We're on the bus run by Hassidic Jews, ya know, like Woody Allen… It's like the Jewish express!… Nah, I'm covering up the phone so no one hears me.

–Vamoose Bus, Penn Station

Posted on October 29, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn College, Bus, Clerks, Columbia University, Dads, Friends, Gender issues, Jews, Judaism, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Public Transportation, Shiksas (& other Gentiles), Soho, Street, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Lose Their Mittens

Large man on payphone: I'm gonna kill her, man! I'm gonna fuckin' kill her! Then I'm gonna kill my cousin! I'm gonna go back to my house, kill that bitch, get my fuckin kittens, and kill my cousin! I want my kittens, man!

–SoHo

Overheard by: trying not to laugh

Father to kids: Which would you prefer, kitty casserole or puppy stew?

–72nd & Broadway

Suit: So one time I went into the bathroom and the cat was just like sitting on the toilet so I just unloaded on it. I told my roommate, like, "don't touch the cat" and then later I saw his girlfriend playing with it and hugging and kissing it. It was very funny.

–Downtown 6 Train

Upset-looking college student on cell: Ugh! My cat almost just died…and you're making this about your feelings?!

–Columbia Quad

Student: That's okay, I'll just eat my mom and fuck my cat.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Toddlington

Student: Well, the situation in the essay is hopeless, you know? It's like finding a kitten in the subway and you want to take it with you because kittens just don't belong in the subway. But then you remember that you live in a building that doesn't allow pets and your roommate is allergic. So, your roommate is going to hate you and your landlord is going to evict you. I realize this is a bad example. I just really want a kitten.

–Eugene Lang College

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on October 29, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Beastiality, Brooklyn, College, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Death, Family Ties, Fat People, Food, Gay Man's Best Friend, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, Poop, Public Transportation, Soho, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wiisday One-Liners

Guy, getting his hair cut: So I spent $150 more than I would have if I got the Wii in the store, 'cause my wife said, "If I don't get Guitar Hero, I will divorce you."

–SoHo

Dork: Don't call it a Gameboy…you're downgrading my PSP.

–The Village

Small Asian kid, pounding the computer mouse in frustration: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego?!

–Chinese School

40-year-old guy with ten-year-old kid, to GameStop employee: Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying GTA for my son. Is there a way to turn off the profanity?

–GameStop, Park Ave

Overheard by: Jake C.

Angry guy to girlfriend: Look, I get the whole not wanting to have public sex thing, but I don't know if I can be with someone who won't play Wii.

–43rd & Madison

Posted on October 22, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Dads, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Girlfriends, Guys, Idiots, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, One-liners, Questions, Relationships, School, Sex, Soho, Store, Stupidity, The Village, Threats, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Will Slap You Like a Red-Headed Stepchild

Woman on cell: Shut up! Shut up! I'm going to punch you in the face! I love you.

–A Bus

Spanish chick: Two things can't happen tonight. One, I can't get in a fight tonight. Two, I can't see nobody I don't like.

–5th Ave & 11th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Homeless, burnt-out surfer lady: Then I looked up, and this cunt is about to hit me like a man!

–139th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

Guy to girl: The next time your parents chuckle at my misfortunes, I'm gonna kick 'em in the nuts. I'm gonna kill 'em!

–20th St & 5th Ave, Brooklyn

Jamaican conductor over PA: Don't move between cars while the train is in motion. I don't want to have to knock you the fuck out.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Got Knocked Out

Posted on October 22, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Bus, Couples, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kick, Love, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Public Transportation, Punch, Subway conductors, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for LeVar Burton

Chipper, young, possibly gay guy with afro to random woman, after switching seats and moving closer: Sorry to bother you, but I just had to tell you this. I have this book of all these, like, African kings and queens and princesses and stuff. And I just had to tell you that you look just like one of the African queens in it. Like, just like her! Oh, I wish I had the book with me! I would show her to you.

–Q Train

Overheard by: katiek

Super-irate hippie chick in braids, yelling on cell: Thanks to you, everyone thinks I'm a fucking freak. Everyone looks at me like I'm fucking Pearl from the fucking Scarlet Letter!

–Court St & Bergen

Overheard by: Siobhan

Young deli clerk on phone, in confidential tones: William Shakespeare! Shakespeare!

–4th Ave & Bergen St, Boerum Hill

Cockeyed old man in hat to Strand employee: Where are the regular books?

–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway

Annoying rich girl to friend: So I got a library card so I can read more, but then I realized that I don't like used things and I stopped going.

–Bookstore, 71st St & Lexington

Girl (outside of her AP English classroom): Wait…Huck Finn never had syphilis!

–Stuyvesant High School

Woman to friend helping her find a book: You don't have to worry about giving away the ending. I know what happens to those six million people.

–The Strand

Posted on October 22, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hippies, History & Geography, Hitler/Nazis, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Rich people, STDs, Store, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Ad: My Scent? “Crush” by Pussi

Girl #1, about friend walking by: Oh my god, you smell so good, is that Rush by Gucci?
Girl #2: No, that's me!
Girl #1: Ohhh.

–Lafayette & Grand

Overheard by: j

Posted on October 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compliments, Default, Fashion, Girls, Little Italy, Questions, Sensory Experiences

200 Wednesday One-Liners, and Nothing to Watch!

Girl on phone (after finding out there was a medical emergency on the first car): Yeah, apparently there's an emergency in the front car. I mean, I just finished watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy, maybe I can help.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Andres

Man to friend: And that's why I like to get stoned and watch the Julia Child show. She's not as shy as you'd think.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wants to know why!

Crazy man (in a normal voice) Look at the three white women! (in a high falsetto) Let's go shopping! Then let's go fucking! Let's get abortions! Just like Sex and the City!

–Hudson & Charles

Overheard by: lilli

Latina: He was stuck in the garbage can like Screech in a locker.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: TOD

Hobo walking by Law & Order set: I wanna be on Law & Order. I can play a cop!

–94th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sargeant Pants

Woman, stopping dead in her tracks in front of a poster for the new version of Beverly hills 90210: Uh oh… Oh no… Uh oh…

–86th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Julia

Posted on October 15, 2008
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Crazies, Fears, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Men, On Cell, Race, Sex, Shopping, Trains Not Subway, TV, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Heights and Inwood, Weed, West Village, Wishes & desires

Scalpel….Scissors….Wednesday One-Liners…

Big black crossdresser: Oh honey, I know that no amount of surgery is going to make me a diva!

–3 Train

Overheard by: Kailee McMahon

Mother to small daughter: Honey, don't forget to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Honey, you aren't getting ready to perform surgery. Hurry up.

–Women's Bathroom, The Met

Man: He had to have his top hat surgically removed.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kevin

Intern: Latex gloves are for killing people, surgery and dying your hair.

–1501 Broadway

Overheard by: Randi

Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this weekend. He's been fixed! Oh, but don't tell anyone, he doesn't want anybody to know.

–Dunkin Donuts

Girl on cell: How did teaching go? How was the surgery? Did human skin taste good?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: The Poogtastic One

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Coworkers, Girls, Gossip, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murder, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Plastic Surgery, Private Parts, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Stall Spies, The Met, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

Debbie Does Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: No, mom, I'm not going to flag submissive at a fucking porn convention, pardon my French.

–170th St & Audubon Ave

Blonde to male companion getting off train: Good luck beating those kiddie porn charges!

–N Train

Overheard by: Marin M.

Straight-laced businessman on phone: It's because you won't stop downloading all that porn! If you quit, the popups won't come back.

–Ditmars & 37th, Astoria

Guy: They confuse me for a porn star; no, they don't confuse me with a porn star, they just think I'm a porn star because of my name!

–NYU

Tall thin statuesque black girl looking intently into white guy's eyes: Do you want an open relationship or just want to do porn?

–Midtown

Overheard by: toughchoice

Posted on October 15, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Astoria, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Internet, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Porn, Questions, Relationships, Suits

Wednesday One-Liners for the Royal Family

Guy: Yeah, but it's not that hard to keep your mother from having sex with you.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: V

Man, seriously: If I could marry my daughter I would.

–Duke's Deli, SoHo

Random moviegoer: I have to admit the incest was tastefully done.

–Outside IFC Center

Overheard by: when is it ever?

Suit on cell: I'm in love with my cousin.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sean C.

Very gay man to another: I don't know, I'm just not attracted to him at all! Maybe because he's my brother…

–Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Lily Caulfield

Man shouting to friend: Incest free for a whole three weeks! Yeah!

–1 Train

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Crime and Punishment, Delis, Family Ties, Guys, Incest, Love, Marriage, Men, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, Queer guys, Soho, Suits, The Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

All Wednesday One-Liners