Girl #1, about friend walking by: Oh my god, you smell so good, is that Rush by Gucci?
Girl #2: No, that's me!
Girl #1: Ohhh.
–Lafayette & Grand
Overheard by: j
Girl #1, about friend walking by: Oh my god, you smell so good, is that Rush by Gucci?
Girl #2: No, that's me!
Girl #1: Ohhh.
–Lafayette & Grand
Overheard by: j
Girl on phone (after finding out there was a medical emergency on the first car): Yeah, apparently there's an emergency in the front car. I mean, I just finished watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy, maybe I can help.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Andres
Man to friend: And that's why I like to get stoned and watch the Julia Child show. She's not as shy as you'd think.
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wants to know why!
Crazy man (in a normal voice) Look at the three white women! (in a high falsetto) Let's go shopping! Then let's go fucking! Let's get abortions! Just like Sex and the City!
–Hudson & Charles
Overheard by: lilli
Latina: He was stuck in the garbage can like Screech in a locker.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: TOD
Hobo walking by Law & Order set: I wanna be on Law & Order. I can play a cop!
–94th St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Sargeant Pants
Woman, stopping dead in her tracks in front of a poster for the new version of Beverly hills 90210: Uh oh… Oh no… Uh oh…
–86th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Julia
Big black crossdresser: Oh honey, I know that no amount of surgery is going to make me a diva!
–3 Train
Overheard by: Kailee McMahon
Mother to small daughter: Honey, don't forget to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Honey, you aren't getting ready to perform surgery. Hurry up.
–Women's Bathroom, The Met
Man: He had to have his top hat surgically removed.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kevin
Intern: Latex gloves are for killing people, surgery and dying your hair.
–1501 Broadway
Overheard by: Randi
Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this weekend. He's been fixed! Oh, but don't tell anyone, he doesn't want anybody to know.
–Dunkin Donuts
Girl on cell: How did teaching go? How was the surgery? Did human skin taste good?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: The Poogtastic One
Girl on cell: No, mom, I'm not going to flag submissive at a fucking porn convention, pardon my French.
–170th St & Audubon Ave
Blonde to male companion getting off train: Good luck beating those kiddie porn charges!
–N Train
Overheard by: Marin M.
Straight-laced businessman on phone: It's because you won't stop downloading all that porn! If you quit, the popups won't come back.
–Ditmars & 37th, Astoria
Guy: They confuse me for a porn star; no, they don't confuse me with a porn star, they just think I'm a porn star because of my name!
–NYU
Tall thin statuesque black girl looking intently into white guy's eyes: Do you want an open relationship or just want to do porn?
–Midtown
Overheard by: toughchoice
Guy: Yeah, but it's not that hard to keep your mother from having sex with you.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: V
Man, seriously: If I could marry my daughter I would.
–Duke's Deli, SoHo
Random moviegoer: I have to admit the incest was tastefully done.
–Outside IFC Center
Overheard by: when is it ever?
Suit on cell: I'm in love with my cousin.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sean C.
Very gay man to another: I don't know, I'm just not attracted to him at all! Maybe because he's my brother…
–Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Lily Caulfield
Man shouting to friend: Incest free for a whole three weeks! Yeah!
–1 Train
Guido: I once kept a clove of garlic in my mouth for a whole week.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: Alistar Spencer
20-something to Guido friend: Dude, it's not my fault you look like a child molester.
–Meatpacking District
Overheard by: Sam
Guido with gelled hair to Guidette, as it starts to rain: I made $500 off this haircut, I am not getting it wet and ruined! No!
–Union Square
Guido on 'roids, to his three Guido friends: Yo, it don't matter if you fucked 5,000 girls! You suck a cock once, you a cock-sucker fo' life!
–Spumoni Gardens, Brooklyn
Overheard by: POLA
Guido to another: Boy, breakdancing when you're high is impossible.
–Queens Center Mall
Overheard by: baby g
Guido on cell: I have an extra queen-sized mattress at my place. I'll set up my camera, you'll come over with Sarah and fuck on it, and we can sell it as a porno afterwards. I don't see why this is so hard.
–St. Mark's & Ave. A
Teen girl, calmly: My nigga, I only got one car, and I need that car to kill my momma.
–125th & 5th
Overheard by: Caroline
Loud Eastern European man to older guy: If I get you car, you get me woman. Woman for fucking! (gestures a jackhammer motion)
–Union Square
Overheard by: BK
Surprised woman: $15,000? Tonya! For $15,000 you could've bought a car, gone to a psychologist and finally learned how to drive!
–Park Ave & 39th St
Girl on cell: He drove his truck into the pool. No…he drove his truck into the pool. So, I just hope it's not because he was doing something stupid.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Pretty Sure He Was Doing Something Stupid
Man on bike on cell: There ain't no peanut butter in the car.
–West 4th & Sullivan St.
Overheard by: Anna P.
Screaming guy, sticking head out of cab during traffic jam: Fucking three inches per hour!
–Greene St, SoHo
Overheard by: seb
Skater kid: Where's my tongue?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Toast
Guy on bus (shouting from the back of the bus): Driver, you know this bus is not gentle on those who have testicles. I mean there's all these bumps and everything's jumping around.
–B12 Bus
Butch lesbian yelling into phone: How do you think I found out my thyroid wasn't working?
–M14D Bus
Old guy to pretty girl: You have some nice legs. You should be doing stocking commercials. Anyone ever tell you that? (now to himself) Oh, the woes of racism have plagued us from Egyptian times!
–R Train
Stock floor guy on cell: Every time we think this thing is coming to a head, there's another head…how many heads does this thing have?
–Wall St & Broadway
Overheard by: Michael
Woman on cell: The best place for your thighs is around my neck. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is.
–58th & Columbus Circle
Korean girl to white guy: Why do you find it necessary to squint your eyes when you do an Asian impression?
–L Train
Overheard by: john.ainley
White girl to friends: And then a ninjician pulled a chopstick out of her ear!
–Veniero's Pastry Shop
Overheard by: Amy
Asian chick: Asians are obsessed with analyzing poop.
–Max Restaurant, Tribeca
Overheard by: Shringle
Woman begging for change: Can I get some quarters? (pause) My cousin-in-law is Chinese. Come on!
–52nd & Lexington
Overheard by: NMT
Asian woman, after sneezing: Just cuz I'm a sneezin' Asian don't mean I got SARS.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: CNaughty
White girl on cell: Okay, I'm going to sound crazy, but there's this Asian guy in one of my classes…and he looks just like Ashley…and I just want to run up and say "Can I take a picture of you? Because you look just like my black girlfriend!"
–Dorm Building, Cooper Union
Girl playing extreme edition of Would You Rather:Okay: would you rather Joe with a 75% chance of a non-treatable STD or Luke with a 12% chance of pregnancy?
–R Train
Asian girl during Rent intermission: Oh wait, so they all have AIDS? Is that why they're all taking pills all the time? I didn't understand that. But you can't die from AIDS, right? I mean, if you like lived in a bubble forever, you would never die from it, right?
–Nederlander Theater
Man, emphatically: Look, you don't even have to worry about HIV, just take 200 milligrams of Vitamin C.
–89th & Broadway
Hipster girl: Me and my STDs are like Angelina Jolie's kids… Gotta get one from every country!
–Broome St
Overheard by: Kate
Hipster to friend: Thank god AIDS wasn't in Africa yet when I was there, I wouldn't have fucked anybody.
–Classroom, NYU
Young woman on cell: Yeah, I know. (pause) So you don't mind if I have herpes, right?
–71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills, Queens
Overheard by: Tara
