Wednesday One-Liners Support a Woman's Right to Shoes

Dude looking at girl shoes: If I were a chick I'd wear the ugliest shoes, I swear.

–5th Ave

Woman on phone call with son's teacher: I know he's in the big boy group, but if you see he put his shoes on the wrong feet again, could you just let him know, please?

–57th St & Madison

Four-year-old girl: My toes are in my shoes!

–Bus

Overheard by: vcstr

Girl, with pride: I can't get laid in this town without these pointy fucking shoes. My feet are so black and blue, and so are you!

–F Train

Overheard by: Ofelia Hiney

Gay guy to friend: Oh, c'mon, at its best, The Wizard of Oz is just a story about two women fighting over a pair of shoes.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Paul N.

Posted on May 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Bus, Colors, Education, Elementary & Middle School, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Movies, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Sex, Shoes, Street, Teachers/Professors, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Abroad” Sounds Dirty

20-something college student: I saw the movie Australia the other day, and I couldn't understand anything because they all had English accents.

–2 Train

Indian woman with accent, recalling story to husband: So I called up customer service, and right away the woman said "Oh, priti, you must be Indian". I said "No, I am not." I was like "What? Are you kidding me? I call customer service and they put me through to India? Then she said "Have you ever been to India?", I was like "No, I have not, is it nice?"

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Marie Z.

10-year-old girl, emoting mockingly for her minder: And I can see *Russia* from my *house*!

–74th & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Woman on cell: It's okay, I've got a plan. We'll move to Mexico, buy a lemonade stand by buying parts from a guy called Javier, earn some money, then smuggle ourselves and our belongings over the border to America, where no one will know what happened.

–5th Ave

30-something to friend: Apparently all of England's problems can't be solved by strangling an old guy!

–Roosevelt Island

Posted on May 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Couples, Friends, India Indians, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Language Barrier, Money & Class, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Queens, Questions, Street, Students, Stupidity, Tourism, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-liners Make Me Sick

Black lady: I don’t eat fried food. Grease is the enemy. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I wanted fried food all the time. This one day, I left work to go eat some fried fish, and I ate it. And I stayed there. And you know what happened? The grease came up and the fish stayed down.

–Precious Nails, 94th & 3rd

Suit #1 to suit #2: We can do whatever you want today. I just don’t like the stuff you make me do that makes me throw up.

–AJ Maxwell’s, 48th & 6th

Overheard by: their waitress

Posted on April 30, 2015
Food, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Suits, Upper East Side

Wednesdays Floss After Every One-Liner

Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or something.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: Alyssa

Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a goddamn peacock feather hit me in the teeth!

–Starbucks, 8th & 39th

Old man: I can smell my own tooth decay!

–Times Square

Overheard by: One Liners Are The Best

Lady on cell: I don't know what to do. I'm like nervous… I know… I haven't bought toothpaste in years…

–Duane Reade

Guy on phone: The difference between you and me is you drink tea and eat tofu. I drink whiskey and make people eat their teeth.

–48th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on April 29, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Birds, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Duane Reade, e-Bay, Ethnic Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Punch, Sensory Experiences, Starbucks, Street, Time, Times Square, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Get Swept Away in Masses Of Humanity

Tourist: Hey look, it's 42nd Street! They named it after a Broadway show.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Really? REALLY!?!

Tourist dad, as shuttle to Grand Central comes in: No! We need to take the purple to Grand Central Station, then the green!

–Times Square Shuttle Platform

Overheard by: D-Law

Male tourist, watching stranger propose underneath Christmas tree: Hey buddy, did you go to Jared?

–Rockefeller Center

Southern tourist lady, as subway stops: Oh no, I think the train ran out of gas!

–F Train

Overheard by: Matt

Southern tourist: I guess the birds ate all the hands off the statues.

–The Cloisters, Harlem

Overheard by: M@

Posted on April 26, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Broadway Shows, Colors, Dads, Directions, Harlem & Morningside Heights, NYC Geography, On the Subway, One-liners, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Questions, Southerners, Stupidity, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday O-o-o-oooo-One-Liners

Skinny Spanish girl: That nigga was saying how he had me moaning and screaming, but I was like, "nigga, I'm just loud–that doesn't mean you're good!"

–Ft. Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: also loud

Ghetto chick to friend: Yo…in my country, it's illegal to not please your woman. You gotta fuck her till she begs you to stop.

–116th & 1st

Overheard by: DonnaRae

Man on phone: Yeah…I just fingerblasted her for like an hour. No big deal.

–E 4th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: intern2

Mom to teenage son: And I was like "sure, have sex in my bed, it never sees any."

–Mercer & W 3rd

Girl on cell: Oh no, he's back fucking his secretary now, so I'm like, completely free!

–East Village

20-something on cell, after loud graphic sex tale: And don't you be telling anyone! I don't like strangers knowing my business.

–Express Bus to Brooklyn

Posted on April 25, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Bus, Comebacks, Crime and Punishment, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Hand-Jobs, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Infidelity, Latinos, Men, Moms, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Rumor Has It, Sex, Skinny People, Street, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Your Wednesday Has Turned on the “One-Liners” Sign

Male flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, JetBlue welcomes you to the city which all other cities are reflections of… welcome to New York.

–JFK

Overheard by: SJK

Pilot over loudspeaker: Alright folks, get into your seats quickly. You don't have to love the person next to you and this ain't a furniture store.

–JFK

Overheard by: Allie

Witty flight attendant: And in case that you have not been in a car since 1962, I will now demonstrate how seatbelts work.

–JFK

Flaming flight attendant: In the event of a sudden change in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down in front of you. If this should occur, you may scream, then place the mask over your mouth and nose…

–JFK

JetBlue pilot: I hope you all enjoyed the flight. If you have any questions, please e-mail them to the Continental Airlines e-mail. Thank you for flying JetBlue.

–JFK

Overheard by: lonely passenger

Posted on April 25, 2015
Advice, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Flight Attendants, Internet, JFK Airport, Love, One-liners, Only in New York, Passengers, Pilots, Questions, Stupidity, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Speed Dating” Requires Meth

Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell!

–Astoria

Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp.

–M66 Bus

Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair?

–31st & Crescent, Astoria

Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot!

–3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st

Overheard by: Tom

College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing.

–8th St & University

Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Riot

Posted on April 23, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Frat Boys, Friends, Handicaps, Insults, Internet, JAPs, JFK Airport, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Street, Suits, The Village, Threats, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-liners Love Jim Beam

Yuppie lady: When all is said and done, I was drunk in Banana Republic…

–51st & Lexington

Overheard by: Karen Adverb

Posted on April 21, 2015
Animals & Nature, Astoria, Drinking & Drunk People, Jews, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Retail Therapy, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Yuppies

When You Wednesday Upon a One-Liner, It Makes No Difference Who You Are

Guy walking by himself: I wish everybody who is not mentally ill would just drop dead!

–9th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Rear Admiral Butts

Guy (admiringly, to attractive girl passing by): Damn, girl, I wish you were a guy!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Ditzy girl to another, about her boyfriend: He's teaching himself philosophy right now. He bought a philosophy dictionary. He can do that, you know, because he's so smart. I wish I could do that!

–Astoria

Overheard by: squarehand

Young guy to girl: Dude, I wish Dali was still around so he could do my album.

–Museum of Modern Art

Overheard by: Gino

Serious girl: I wish I had gotten the ovaries!

–Korean Baptist Church, Astoria

Overheard by: Evan

Posted on April 20, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Girls, Guys, Idiots, MoMA, One-liners, Park Slope, Philosophy, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, Visual Art, Weirdness, Wishes & desires