Wednesdays Are Naturally Sweetened With One-Liners

Chick on cell: As a pie-lover, I have a question.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Poogins

Father to toddler: No, you can't have a doughnut. You just had a doughnut yesterday. You can have another when you're…25!

–Doughnut Plant, Grand & Norfolk

Large older woman: I like cherry, lemon, peach, apple, and pumpkin. Other than that, I'm not a big pie person.

–Central Park Bench

Overheard by: Struedel Snatcher

Big black guy: And she kept trying to get me to take a pie, but I kept telling her, "bitch, I ain't got no room for no pie!"

–Penn Station

Young lady to friend, gravely: I understand, but things have changed. That was before the chocolate bonanza.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: T. Ryan

Posted on May 12, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Dads, Family Ties, Fat People, Food, Friends, Fruit, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Insults, Kids, Lower East Side, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penn Station, Questions, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday On-Liners

Chick on cell: Why did you tell dad about that?…Well, he was going to find out sooner or later when he saw me on the website.

–Union Square

Female midget: Yeah, they’re installing the internet in my new apartment and apparently they need a computer.

–Elevator, ABC building, 66th St

Overheard by: Mojosaves

World traveler: Really, you can get anything on the streets of Bangkok. Thai prostitutes, smoothies, passport pictures…It’s like Craigslist.

–20th & 8th

Overheard by: laughing out loud

Catholic school girl on cell: Danny, it’s me. I have some bad news. We’re on a break. Call me back when you get this message….[Hangs up and redials] Maria! What am I going to do about my MySpace?!

–4th Ave

Overheard by: Joe

Blonde on cell: Seriously, I love you, but…Seriously…Seriously, you’re an asshole. You’re a dick! Why didn’t you just tell me the fucking truth!…Well, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I posted those pictures on MySpace, but…Well, be a fucking man about it and tell me the fucking truth then!…Seriously, I love you.

–23rd & 8th

Overheard by: wild dog boy

Loud guy on cell: So how do I get this done? Do I go on the internet or something?… I want to be able to print my own bounty hunter license immediately.

–11th & 6th

Suit: When I was working for my old company, all we would do is download porn.

–Grand & Varick

Posted on May 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Computer, Family Ties, Intelligentsia, Internet, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, One-liners, Porn, Students, Suits, Union Square and East Village, West Village

Don't Read Too Much Into These Wednesday One-Liners

Check in girl: I only like buying books with sparkles on the cover.

–York & 72nd

Overheard by: fance

Teenage girl on cell: I gotta find this book in the religion section. You know, it's like… it's not that you believe in god, or you don't believe in god, but that you just don't care? I want that book!

–Borders Bookstore, Midtown

Amtrak conductor: A free copy of Amtrak's Arrive magazine is located in your seat pocket. For those seeking enlightenment, this magazine is the first step.

–Train, Penn Station

Student, discussing The Sound and the Fury: I suppose it's a very *artsy* ending–a big, retarded guy holding a broken flower… Does that come with skinny jeans and an apartment in Williamsburg?

–Stuyvesant High School

Tipsy 30-something nerd: We can't all be riding escalators with hard-ons.(older woman turns around) What, lady? It's a literary reference, look it up!

–1st & 7th

Overheard by: Phyllis Dean

Posted on May 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Clerks, Clothing, Conductors, Erections, God, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nerds, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Religion, Shopping, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Teens, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

It Reeks of Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: When I point, everybody smell collard greens.

–6 train

Posted on May 9, 2015
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Eating Out, Etiquette, Fashion, Food, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Kink, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Port Authority, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, We Love Our Pets

You're No Body 'Til Some Body Wednesday One-Liners You

Girl: He has a really amazing skull.

–Bakery, Cortelyou Road

Guy to friend: Why is that girls can get away with picking their noses?

–170th St & Broadway

Loud girl on cell in line at deli: You know I have bladder issues whenever I have sex!

–Broadway & Ooper

Lady suit, screaming into cell: Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! I need a goddamn colon cleanse!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Colin

Posted on May 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compliments, Delis, Ferry, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Health and Hygiene, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Suits, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.

–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th

Overheard by: Pleased

Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!

–Peter McMannus Pub

LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jenna K

NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?

–Waverly & Mercer

Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.

–172nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on May 9, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Film, Girls, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Porn, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Smoking, Store, Students, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

50 States plus Wednesday One-liners

Mom: Indiana isn’t a state; I’m not sure it will be on there…Oh.

–JFK

Overheard by: Pierre-FranÃ§ois Dubois

Posted on May 6, 2015
At the Airport, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Etiquette, History & Geography, Manhattan, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Politics, Real Estate, Stupidity, Suits, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners' Monogrammed Towels Say “W.O.L.”

Preppy teenage boy on cell: I use the word "ex" as a coping mechanism. She can have her name back once I'm healed.

–Grand Central

Transvestite on cell: I'm changing my name from Angela to Rachel. Angela sounds very Disney. I don't feel like Disney. I feel like a hard sound, like Rachel.

–Pelham Bay Park

Black guy: Shit be fucked up. Niggas got bitches' names. Bitches got niggas' names.

–26th & 8th

Overheard by: Withnail

Yuppie to another: You know, man, I think you say my name more than your wife's.

–62nd & 2nd

Overheard by: The Vonz

Upper East Side girl, seriously: You know what the first thing I look for in a gentleman caller is? His name.

–89th St & 3rd Ave

Posted on May 5, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Breaking Up, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Disney, Girls, Grand Central, Insults, Names, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Preppies, Questions, Teens, The Bronx, Train Station, Trannies, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Linerbation

Big old lady yelling at MTA employee: Of course they're not coming! They're too busy fucking! Masturbating! Eating donuts!

–53rd & Lexington Subway Station

Girl to friend: Oh my god, he does things to me that make masturbation seem like bland oatmeal!

–14th & 3rd

Overheard by: TheOneThatGotAway

Teen to friend: Seriously, if I was a guy for a day, all I'd do is piss standing up and masturbate.

–Queens Center Food Court

Guy on cell: Dude, if I didn't jerk off a couple times a day I'm pretty sure I'd be a serial rapist.

–Penn Station

Short nerdy businessman to another: I didn't know I was going out with her when I beat off.

–15th St & 9th St

Overheard by: Spicoli

Blond scruffy short man on headset: Do you really think girls would go for that? You think a girl would, for a chance to win $500, watch me masturbate?

–R Train

Posted on May 4, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Food, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Masturbation, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Nerds, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penn Station, Queens, Rape, Sex, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-liners

Woman: I really hope that you start doing some shit that’s smart.

–Broadway & Waverly

Businessman: The CEO’s a good ol’ Italian goombah from Bayonne.

–Midtown Office

Posted on May 3, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Guidos, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, One-liners, Only in New York, Street, Suits, The Village, Women