Is Christopher Walken a Wednesday One-Liner?

Guy in white shirt and tie: So what, so what if the aliens landed in Brooklyn? And they start shooting their guns, their laser guns on the corner, in the candy store? What then? Do we just let them in the shelter?

–John Jay College of Criminal Justice

Crazy guy: I am an alien from outer space! I have crash landed on your planet! This is our language! (saxophone solo)

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Conductor: We will be stopped at the next station for ten minutes. You are not allowed to exit the train, so that means no smoke breaks or bathroom trips. If you do get off of the train you will be abducted by aliens and never heard from again.

–Amtrak Train, Penn station

Overheard by: Madge

Hobo to teen girls: Can you spare some change for a space man? I wanna get drunk later.

–94th St & Broadway

Posted on October 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Conductors, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Hobos, Instruments, Language Barrier, Music, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Pee, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Smoking, Teens, Threats, Time, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Where's Wednesday One-Liner's Busy Bee? It Needs Its Busy Bee!!

Crazy older guy to lady in park with barking dog: Lady, you keep that dog quiet! That dog is better-looking than you are.

–W 63rd & West End

Overheard by: Beez and Newb

Guy in red shirt: You make me feel so pedophilic when I tell you about violating my dog.

–Central Park

Man on cell: You're always saying your dog is sick! "My dog has diarrhea! I can't come out!"

–Fulton & Broadway

Overheard by: would you rather she have it?

Black kid to white couple walking poodle: I've only seen dogs like that in movies.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Poodle Lady

Girl on cell: So I'm getting off the a and I see this tall girl and I know her! So I'm like "Sarah?" and she's like "I haven't seen you since middle school!" and she cut all her hair off and she's like "When did you dye your hair black?" and my hair's soooo not black! But I saw Sarah! You know, the one whose cat tried to eat my toes off that one time! So we talked and then there was this lady who was totally tossing chow all over the place! Hello! Trash can right there—hold up, I gotta go, I see a Weiner dog!

–72nd St & Central Park West

Posted on October 7, 2009
Beastiality, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Central Park, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Crazies, Elementary & Middle School, Film, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Illness, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Men, Movies, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Rape, Robbing the Cradle, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

You Look Great! Have You Been Wednesday-One-Linering?

Old obese Italian guy sharing pizza and a pitcher of beer with old obese Italian friend: Yeah, so I walk 3-4 miles 5 times a week, and I eat a lot of salad.

–Carmine St.

Fat running lady to friend, watching middle school track team go by: Haha, look at dem running girls. I can run like that too!

–by the Hudson River

Morbidly obese woman walking track to group of friends: Look at all these people runnin da track all fast and shit. (panting) Look at dem with their skinny asses running past us like they're better and shit. Fagmuffins!

–Forest Park Track, Queens

Overheard by: D. Scibe

Girl on cell phone: I mean, usually in order to get a full workout it takes me like an hour to sweat. I never sweat, never. It's always so hard for me to get a workout. (pause) Yeah, seriously, I mean, I've gotta stretch first, work myself up, I mean… Really, it takes a long time til I feel like I've gotten a good workout usually. But this time it was just one… (pause) awesome, huge, unbelievable cock! (pause) Oh, shit, I forgot I'm in public!

–15th & 7th

Cop to guy in handcuffs: I swear to god I won't arrest you if you do 10 push-ups right now. Swear to god.

–28th & 2nd

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Fitness, Food, Friends, Girls, Hudson River, Insults, Italians, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Queens, Sports, Street, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Jennifer Wednesday-One-Liner Hewitt

Eight-year-old girl to eight-year-old friend: You see, I love him, but I can't make that kind of commitment right now.

–Carroll Gardens

Lone suit, shaking fists in air: Why do fools fall in love?!

–Wall Street

Overheard by: poisonivy

Woman to neighbor, shouting out of the window: She's an idiot! She knows the man's a fucking bullshit artist, and she's in love with him!

–Hoffman St & 187th

Inebriated, tattooed man on cell: You fuckin' love me?! You fuckin' know what? That's fuckin' unreal, you know why?! Because you fuckin' don't!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Cara

Sallow, skinny, melancholy tattooed dude: Looking for love in all the wrong places… That's why I was after her ass.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Arts & Letters, Ass, Brooklyn, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Love, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Port Authority, Questions, Skinny People, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Bronx, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liner, Dearest

Girl on cell: And you're leaving with a butthole the size of a pancake your mom cooked! (pause) You don't want that.

–33rd & 6th

Overheard by: Gaunt

Ghetto fabulous teen boy: So I said, "What? Did you say you wanna fuck my motha'? Well I'm gonna fuck yo brotha!"

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Fiona

Woman outside store to a child speaking to her mother: What do you mean you don't like her? That's your mother, man!

–125th & Park Ave

Woman on phone: Hello? Yeah, how are you? (pause) So I didn't really deal with my mother's death because I wasn't sober then.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Laura

Man: Speaking of mother's graves, I want my urn back.

–13th & Ave A

Overheard by: erkala

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Asshole, Backdoor, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Men, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Teens, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Craptacular Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: My identity has totally shifted, and so have my bowel movements.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Mickey Smith

Girl to another: I took a shit in Starbucks… did you take a shit in Starbucks?

–Outside Starbucks

Woman to friend: There were no feces for (pause) two days.

–Canal and W Broadway

Overheard by: LizzieD

Girl in toilet stall, repeatedly: Someone pooped on the floor! This is so gross! Medieval freaks! And it's shaped like a dragon! Come here and look at it!

–New York Renaissance Fair

British woman to man she's walking with, as they look at a pigeon: Of course he doesn't have to sit down to poo, he's a bird!

–Washington Square South

Enraged crazy old lady feeding pigeons, to punk kid chasing pigeons: Eat the caca! Eat the caca!

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: ShaghouseGirls

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Boys, Brits, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Food, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parks, Poop, Punks, Questions, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Who's Gonna Hold Wednesday's Hair While She One-Liners?

Self-tanned woman on BlackBerry, pushing stroller: I'm gonna puke because you're not here with me!

–American Eagle

Overheard by: liveyourlife

Cheerful woman on cell: Oh yeah, I been getting mad nauseous on this bus! But I ain't putting my face near that toilet back there, nuh-uh. I'd rather get sick all over myself.

–Chinatown Bus to DC

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy waiting for n train: I just want to fucking go home and puke in my own fucking toilet!

–Canal St & Broadway

Woman: I come out of the bathroom after three hours of him barfing, and people think we were having sex! You think I'm that hot at 46 to go shag my boy in the middle of a party? And even if I were, I would have been gone for, what? Like, ten minutes? Max!

–Time Warner Building

Girl to friends: I definitely think gay vomit would be the prettiest.

–Perry & Bleecker

Overheard by: other contenders?

Posted on October 7, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Body Parts, Bus, Celebrations/Parties, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Hook Ups, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, The Village, Time, Vomit, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday Isn't One-Liner. He Has a Girlfriend in Canada.

11 year-old girl to dad: Sucking on something automatically makes you gay.

–High Line

Overheard by: Kirby

NYPD detective, working Gay Pride parade: They've been coming out for the last two hours. And they will probably be coming out for another three hours!

–5th Ave & 55th St

Overheard by: Just Visiting…

Not very effeminate gay guy, near extremely effeminate group of pride festers: Suddenly, I don't feel so gay!

–PrideFest, Abingdon Square

Overheard by: proud dad

Man to friend: The problem with getting too buff is that people start to think that you're gay.

–Starbucks

Male fashionista to stranger on bus: And she thought I was gay because I dress well and stuff. (to another passenger) Oh, is that moisturizer? Can I use some?

–Hampton Jitney

Overheard by: Can't imagine why she thought so

Woman handcuffed to man, having romantic picnic with rose petals spilled over a blanket: I didn't think I would be handcuffed to you in a park telling you all of my secrets when I met you in a gay bar!

–Central Park Sheep Meadow

Posted on September 30, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Bus, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Dads, Fashionistas, Fitness, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Bus, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parents, Parks, Passengers, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, S&M, Starbucks, Strangers, Street, The Village, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Give Me a Wednesday With One-Liners, Long Beautiful One-Liners

Latino nanny to redheaded toddler, after he throws his hat at her: Put your hat back on your hair! It's freaking people out.

–Central Park

Disheveled raggedy hobo, reprimanding suit: Get a haircut!

–Wachovia Wells Fargo

Overheard by: CS

Loud black girl on cell phone: You know where the train station is, where all them homeless people live? Yeah, that's where I go get my hair done. She doesn't fuck my hair up, because I told her, "you best not fuck my hair up." And now she never does. (chuckles)

–LIRR

Overheard by: kill her

Beautiful angry woman on cell: I had told you to meet me at 116th Street because I got my hair in my bag! My weave hair! I had wanted to do my hair later, because it's too damn hot to be sitting up in that place. But I'm not going to no damn barbecue with weave hair in my bag!

–The Bronx

Overheard by: Shrimp on the barbie

Little boy with squirt gun: No! You wetted my hair! My beautiful flowing hair!

–Rockefeller Park

Posted on September 30, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bank, Beauty, Black People, Central Park, Clothing, Food, Girls, Hair, Heat, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Latinos, Laughter, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Suits, The Bronx, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners: Willing, but Unripe

Loud-mouthed girl to friends: She says, "I've had sex with over 100 men." And so I says, "girl! You fourteen!"

–R Train

Thirty-something black man to Catholic high school girls: So what's it take for a couple of black guys to get to play with y'all's skirts?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: kfkdjsdf

Father to infant daughter in stroller: Hey! Close your legs!

–SoHo

Professor: Your favorite teacher from high school turned out to be a pedophile? Seriously? Well was he a real pedophile, or just a hooking-up-with-teenage-students kind of pedophile?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Jack Package

13-year-old girl on phone: So guess what… I lost my virginity last night… looks like you owe me a soda.

–H & M

Overheard by: Imani

Posted on September 30, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Dads, Drinks, Fordham, Friends, Hook Ups, Kids, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Questions, Race, Robbing the Cradle, School and studying, Sex, Soho, Store, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

One-liners