Wednesday One-Liner, Dearest

Girl on cell: And you're leaving with a butthole the size of a pancake your mom cooked! (pause) You don't want that.

–33rd & 6th

Overheard by: Gaunt

Ghetto fabulous teen boy: So I said, "What? Did you say you wanna fuck my motha'? Well I'm gonna fuck yo brotha!"

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Fiona

Woman outside store to a child speaking to her mother: What do you mean you don't like her? That's your mother, man!

–125th & Park Ave

Woman on phone: Hello? Yeah, how are you? (pause) So I didn't really deal with my mother's death because I wasn't sober then.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Laura

Man: Speaking of mother's graves, I want my urn back.

–13th & Ave A

Overheard by: erkala

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Asshole, Backdoor, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Men, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Teens, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Craptacular Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: My identity has totally shifted, and so have my bowel movements.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Mickey Smith

Girl to another: I took a shit in Starbucks… did you take a shit in Starbucks?

–Outside Starbucks

Woman to friend: There were no feces for (pause) two days.

–Canal and W Broadway

Overheard by: LizzieD

Girl in toilet stall, repeatedly: Someone pooped on the floor! This is so gross! Medieval freaks! And it's shaped like a dragon! Come here and look at it!

–New York Renaissance Fair

British woman to man she's walking with, as they look at a pigeon: Of course he doesn't have to sit down to poo, he's a bird!

–Washington Square South

Enraged crazy old lady feeding pigeons, to punk kid chasing pigeons: Eat the caca! Eat the caca!

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: ShaghouseGirls

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Boys, Brits, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Food, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parks, Poop, Punks, Questions, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Who's Gonna Hold Wednesday's Hair While She One-Liners?

Self-tanned woman on BlackBerry, pushing stroller: I'm gonna puke because you're not here with me!

–American Eagle

Overheard by: liveyourlife

Cheerful woman on cell: Oh yeah, I been getting mad nauseous on this bus! But I ain't putting my face near that toilet back there, nuh-uh. I'd rather get sick all over myself.

–Chinatown Bus to DC

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy waiting for n train: I just want to fucking go home and puke in my own fucking toilet!

–Canal St & Broadway

Woman: I come out of the bathroom after three hours of him barfing, and people think we were having sex! You think I'm that hot at 46 to go shag my boy in the middle of a party? And even if I were, I would have been gone for, what? Like, ten minutes? Max!

–Time Warner Building

Girl to friends: I definitely think gay vomit would be the prettiest.

–Perry & Bleecker

Overheard by: other contenders?

Posted on October 7, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Body Parts, Bus, Celebrations/Parties, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Hook Ups, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, The Village, Time, Vomit, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

As in the Garden Of Eden, the Snakes Have All the Lines

Girl #1: Your Ss are perfect. It's the pure “ssss” sound.
Girl #2: What? Like “sssss”?
Girl #1: Ssssss. Yeah.
Girl #2: Sssssss.

–Taxi Stand

Overheard by: chickinparis

Posted on October 1, 2009
Compliments, Girls, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street

Wednesday Isn't One-Liner. He Has a Girlfriend in Canada.

11 year-old girl to dad: Sucking on something automatically makes you gay.

–High Line

Overheard by: Kirby

NYPD detective, working Gay Pride parade: They've been coming out for the last two hours. And they will probably be coming out for another three hours!

–5th Ave & 55th St

Overheard by: Just Visiting…

Not very effeminate gay guy, near extremely effeminate group of pride festers: Suddenly, I don't feel so gay!

–PrideFest, Abingdon Square

Overheard by: proud dad

Man to friend: The problem with getting too buff is that people start to think that you're gay.

–Starbucks

Male fashionista to stranger on bus: And she thought I was gay because I dress well and stuff. (to another passenger) Oh, is that moisturizer? Can I use some?

–Hampton Jitney

Overheard by: Can't imagine why she thought so

Woman handcuffed to man, having romantic picnic with rose petals spilled over a blanket: I didn't think I would be handcuffed to you in a park telling you all of my secrets when I met you in a gay bar!

–Central Park Sheep Meadow

Posted on September 30, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Bus, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Dads, Fashionistas, Fitness, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Bus, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parents, Parks, Passengers, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, S&M, Starbucks, Strangers, Street, The Village, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Another Round Of Wednesday One-Liners

Regular guy: You got Old English reeking out your pores… Come outside and air out.

–Frederick Douglas & 126th St

Mother of three: Come with me and I'll buy you a bag of beer! I've never had a bag of beer before and I could really use one!

–34th St & Broadway

20-something girl to another: I gave up Grey Goose for lent.

–Pizza Shop, The Bronx

Overheard by: E.J.

Guy with teardrop tattoo: Dude, moonshine is awesome. It's 99% alcohol and 1% liquor.

–L Train

Overheard by: someone's going to the ER/remedial math class tonight…

Ditzy girl: I was thinking, how come I had a much worse time junior year than I did sophomore year? Then I realized, it's because I didn't drink margaritas.

–Party

Overheard by: The House

Posted on September 30, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Will Cut a Bitch

Ghetto fabulous sister to another, walking out of bar: You gotta be a classy ho! Bitch!

–Fulton & Lafayette, Brooklyn

Woman on cell: No! He wants a fight and I'm going to fuck her up! I'm going to snap that bitch in half! (pause) I will snap that bitch in half! (pause) Okay, I love you too. (hangs up) Oh, she messed with the wrong bitch!

–27th St, between 6th and 7th

Overheard by: Hungry

Blonde yelling on cell: I was not being a bitch or picking a fight! I was saying "I love you, and these are my concerns"!

–27th St b/w Park Ave & Lexington

Overheard by: V

Girl to another: That's when I knew I was a bitch. My homegirl got kicked in the head by a ho… and I laughed!

–Coney Island Ave & Newkirk

30-something suit: I just need a bitch with an accent!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: CourtSnort

Mom to son, after looking through his phone: Who is in your phone as b-i-t-c-h?

–M60 Bus

Overheard by: Jingles

Posted on September 30, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Bus, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Fighting and ass kicking, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Insults, Kick, Laughter, Love, Moms, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, Parents, Questions, Street, Suits, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Go to a Donner Party

Honest woman: I have no maternal instinct. If I had young, I would eat them.

–Artepasta Restaurant

Overheard by: subway phantom

Girl: That wasn't my idea! My idea was cannibalism!

–College of Staten Island

Overheard by: Green Star

Girl to another: Can I nibble your butt for a minute?

–Hunter High School

Overheard by: uh oh

Mets fan, yelling at opposing team's right fielder: Don't you look at me, number 47! I'll eat your eyeballs!

–Citifield

Overheard by: Jonathan Abraham

Guy on cell: What do you think about "Horace W. Cannibal?"

–6th & 27th

Overheard by: Eve

Posted on September 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hunter, Men, Names, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island, Street, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners May Give You Gas

Guy to girl: You're going to regret it for the rest of your life if you get the wrong salad.

–SoHo

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Slender waitress to two large customers: Make sure you finish *all* of that! Especially the celery. That's my favorite part! (they look in disgust)

–Applebee's, Astoria

Yoga clothes-clad girl, loudly to friend: It is not a vegetable. It's a legume!

–6th Ave & W 12th St

Man to woman: So I sayz, "Lady, you're my cuppa tea alright, but I like the occasional cucumber, if you know what I'm sayin'…"

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Mira

Gay guy: I saw people coming out of the woods and I was like, "Aghhh! Corn children!"

–8th & 45th

Overheard by: i'd be scared, too

Sarah Jessica Parker's son: Do you know what kind of lettuce she likes?

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Brooke

Posted on September 23, 2009
A-List, About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Baristas, Bars & Clubs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Parks, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Sex and the City, Skinny People, Soho, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Threats, Vegetarian & Vegan, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liner Pong

Frat dude: Mickey Mantle is the one dead person I would totally bring back to life to have gay sex with.

–Yankee Stadium Museum

Overheard by: sternie

30-something fratboy to wife: He still gives me mixtapes like we're still in high school!

–65th & Broadway

Overheard by: ENGLEBERT

Young frat boy to friend, deadpan: I came on her face. Then her mom walked in.

–59th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Josie

Drunk frat boy trying to pick up a girl wearing a red and white striped shirt: I'm sorry for interrupting, but I just wanted to tell you…I found Waldo.

–88th & 1st

Fratboy on phone: When was the baby born? (pause) Sick, dude!

–Penn Station

Posted on September 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Books & Writing, Couples, Cum, Death, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, School and studying, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium, Yankees

Street