Wednesday One-Liners Hope It's Just Like Riding a Bicycle

Douche on cell: I haven't had sex in 48 days and I feel like it's getting smaller. What should I do?

–48th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jnaz

Really old man complaining to his wife: You'd rather watch CNN than have sex with me!

–The Water Club, 30th & FDR

Overheard by: Trying to have a romantic dinner date

Pretty girl on cell: Yeah, I got this really bad toothache…my gums are sore too. (pause)
What do you mean what have I been putting in my mouth? (laughs) Well, nothing exciting, that's for sure! Maybe that's the problem. My mouth's probably going on strike cause it hasn't been getting any action.

–F Train

Overheard by: I wouldnt have minded putting something of mine in her mouth!

Girl on phone: I mean, if I don't fuck him, who will? His bitch-ass girlfriend certainly won't. (pause) No, not even; she only got those piercings so she could put a fucking lock in it.

–L Train

Random guy outside bedroom window: Just because I won't sleep with you doesn't mean I don't love you!

–Union Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Casey

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Height, Idiots, Infidelity, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, News, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Time, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Bring Their B Game

Sketchy guy to hot girl: Hey, baby girl, I like takin' long walks through the projects, sittin' on a park bench eatin' French fries… (she walks away) Hey baby, come back!

–Christopher & 7th

Guy to girl walking down the street: Hey you…I wanna get on your bus.

–125th b/w Park & Lexington

Overheard by: Reilly

Big dude to hot girl: Hey girl, come talk to me for a minute. (she stays still) C'mon girl, chubby thugs need love too.

–Franklin Ave & Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn

Black thug to white girls: I'm Barack Obama's cousin, wanna go on a date? (they pass) That's gonna be my new pickup line, yo.

–33rd St & 6th Ave

Guy, as a curvy woman struts past him: Shake what yo momma gave you…not what yo momma paid for!

–Shuttle Train

Overheard by: Meredith

Seton Hall jock, leering at female in next seat: Wow, this ticket has more holes in it than I've ever seen before!

–NJ Transit

Drunk guy to girl on subway platform, after Yankees game: I'm a classy guy! I will take you to the fucking Radisson!

–Yankee Stadium Subway Platform

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Black People, Boob Job, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jocks, Junk Food & Fast Food, Love, Money & Class, Offers and requests, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, President, Public Transportation, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Yankee Stadium

The Homogenization of Wednesday One-Liners

Gay guy to friend on phone: Oh my god, she's not answering her phone? She's having sex. If she's not answering her phone, then she is definitely having sex. Hang up now, because she's having sex.

–Union Square

Overheard by: 1-900-Leave-A-Message

Flamboyant gay on cell: And oh. My. God. Let me just tell you about the cock. The fucking cock. It was eight inches of fucking perfection. I swear to god! It was beautiful. And I was always thinking like, "He's so perfect, there has to be something wrong with him. He must curve to the left or something." But no. I want to take pictures of it.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Julia

Hot gay guy: I went shopping, got a 90-minute massage and then started drinking. It's been, like, the best day ever.

–Barrage, 47th & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Flaming gay handler: I was going to wear my gold ankle booties, but I was afraid they'd clash with my Beagle's fur!

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Amber

20-something gay office worker: He's buying me a wok! I think it's for real! (pause) I'll chicken-fry his rice.

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: spf

Gay to faghag: So, you ready to go? We can talk about vagina at Lincoln center. (pauses, takes in her reaction) No? Too off-topic?

–Subway Restaurant, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: onelinerwonder

Posted on April 22, 2009
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Ethnic Food, Fag Hags, Fears, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Height, Insults, Madison Square Garden, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Penis, Pictures, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sexuality, Shoes, Shopping, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Genius Is 1% Inspiration and 99% Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: You're stupid enough to swallow a condom but you're smart enough to know you can sue someone.

–69th & York

Overheard by: Eugene

Attractive tall Asian chick with purple hair on cell: There's no way I would be compatible with someone so much smarter than me.

–Joralemon & Columbia, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Awesome Mother Fucker

Effeminate young man to lady friend: I think you're street smart when nobody tells you you're street smart.

–C train

Father to son: You are so smart. You are going to be the leader of a cult someday.

–Thompson & Spring

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Condoms, Dads, Friends, Girls, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Psychology, Queer guys, Religion, Soho, Suits, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't the Brightest Pencils in the Shed

Guy, refusing to hold on to train pole: I'm trying to see how stupid I can really be.

–7 Train

Overheard by: jj

Train conductor: Next stop, 42nd. If you want to transfer to the e, I think it's running on the r, so get off next stop and walk to the r line. Don't be an idiot and wait for a train that ain't coming. Get off at 42nd and go to the r line.

–A Train

Overheard by: Amy

Chubby girl, passionately arguing on cell: I really believe Fabio is so not stupid. (pause) Seriously! He just has trouble…um…communicating.

–Outside Educational Housing Services, Clark & Henry

Overheard by: Blue Steel

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we have an idiot on board. He knows who he is.

–N Train

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Directions, Girls, Guys, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Psychology, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Wednesday One-Liners

One Wednesday One-Liner to Live

Woman, pushing baby in stroller through flock of pigeons and hearing him laugh hysterically: Yeah, yeah, sometimes it's the little things in life.

–76th St

Overheard by: jaytro

Guerrilla Top of the Rock marketer: Carpet munching can get you far in life.

–Rockefeller Center

Twelve-year-old girl at Tila Tequila's book signing: This is the greatest day of my life.

–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca

Overheard by: Helene and Kristina

Short fat white woman to tall older man: Well, I really have no problem with spending life in jail. I really don't.

–Father Demo Square

Man, not moving: This place is draining the life out of me.

–IKEA Store

Overheard by: Les Izzmore

Train operator: This is a life-altering bound r train. Prepare to be amazed. Next stop, Nirvana.

–R Train

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Books & Writing, Buddha, Clerks, Fat People, Laughter, Licking, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Prison, Public Transportation, Rockefeller Center, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, The Village, Tweens, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

With This Ring, I Thee Wednesday One-Liner

Middle aged black woman on cell: Does your mother know we're married yet?

–Forever 21, Union Square

Overheard by: Sophie

2nd grader: See! This is what happens when a man marries another man! They get divorced!

–22nd & Lexington

Angry man to woman: They just had to get fucking married two days before fucking Christmas!

–Century 21

Overheard by: Amina

Dejected guy, slumping on stairs: Will you marry me?

–11th St & b/w University Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex Bailey

Guy on phone: She already said yes, so I don't have to get her a ring, right? (pause) Well, why do I have to get her a ring if she already said yes?

–18th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Jessica Bergin

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Breaking Up, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Insults, Kids, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

If I Could Grunt and Squeak and Squawk With the Wednesday One-Liners

Middle aged man: So all you gotta do is pick up a gray squirrel holding an acorn, squeeze his belly, and hear him make real squirrel chatter.

–92nd & Lexington

Latina girl on cell: Chill the fuck out! Groundhog Day isn't till like June or some shit!

–PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Max

Girl: I tried a lot of things before I started kicking small animals.

–15th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rijita

20-something guy to another: They cost a lot but they live forever. If you get a group of like 20 elephants, you're invincible.

–1 Train

Female student: But how else would you transport the elephant?

–34th St b/w Park & Madison Ave

Eight-year-old boy, running hellbent through playground, to friend: I could tell you about Archelon, the largest evolved turtle, but there isn't time.

–Riverdale

Overheard by: Someone else's mom

Guy on cell: It was kind of like sexually penetrating cows…

–E 55th St

Overheard by: TiffanyLyn

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beastiality, Body Parts, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kick, Kids, Latinos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Store, Street, Students, The Bronx, Time, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesdays Get a Headache Without Their One-Liners

Barista: Basically someone bought a coffee Friday, came back Monday and said it's cold. Um, yeah. It's three days later.

–Starbucks, Canal & Broadway

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Woman, walking out of Starbucks empty-handed: Well, at least now we know where we can get coffee. You know, in the morning?

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: David Landfair

NYU student to coffee cart man: Can I get a venti-large coffee?

–Greene St & Washington Place, The Village

Overheard by: Jane

Male coworker: I was just going to turn water into coffee, like they do in the bible.

–Broadway

Hyper five-year-old to mom: Hey look, Starbucks. Let's go to Starbucks. Starbucks! Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Juxie

Mother to hysterical baby in stroller: What do you want, huh? Coffee and a cigarette?

–Outside Bloomingdale's

Overheard by: kteezy

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Books & Writing, Clerks, Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Jesus, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, One-liners, Should've Used a Condom, Smoking, Soho, Starbucks, Store, Street, Students, The Village, Time, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

She Don't Eat Wednesday One-Liners, But She Sure Like the Bone

Woman: Shut up! Do you want to end up alone eating a bologna sandwich in the drunk tank?

–Ave A & 10th

Overheard by: Kira

Coworker to office: I love meatloaf. I would wear it on my head like a hat.

–6th Ave

Overheard by: The Secret Newsbunny

Woman getting in cab: Fatty Magoo! I'm going to eat the shit out of some ribs!

–24th & 7th Ave

NYU boy to friends: Wait! I'm looking at the wrong site…there's all different kinds of sausages.

–Kimmel Center, NYU

Overheard by: lollin.

Hobo: I don't like beef, I don't like chicken, I don't like ribs…I like pussy!

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: J J

Conductor: Everyone please step aside at the next stop and make room for fresh meat.

–L Train

Overheard by: ooshua

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Conductors, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Gripes, Hobos, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lower East Side, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Street, Threats, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women