Wednesday One-Liners Are Having an Episode.

Excited train operator: This is a Brooklyn-bound f train. Please step in and stand clear of the closing doors… Did any of y'all watch Cold Case Files last night? Whoooo!

–F Train

Female suit to another: I mean, we're better off having our kids watch American Idol than Baby Einstein.

–3rd & 84th

Overheard by: Daniela

Angry woman: They lied bout all that shit! I don't care bout her baby whether she's preggo or sick. I'mma whip that ugly bitch's ass… This ain't no Leave it to Beaver nothin' !

–Q Train

Overheard by: Taylor

Loud college student: A lot of things in my life I've been mirroring after the Dog Whisperer show. You know? It's just socializing.

–Library

Overheard by: Elyse

Teenage guy to friend: Man, every time I watch tv, I fucking hate life.

–81st St & Columbus Ave

Posted on July 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Gripes, Illness, Insults, Kids, Library, Lies, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Students, Suits, Teens, Threats, TV, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Have Wood.

Teenage boy: You know, if you think about it, violins are basically just giant condoms.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Older man on cell walking two giant dogs: She has a great body… When she sits, it's like a German violinist.

–Thompson Square Park

Mother to young daughter: Even if she was tired and cranky, she still shouldn't have hit you on the shoulder with a violin.

–Ave A & 6th St

Woman on cell: Let's go see the one about the transsexual violinists. (pause, yelling louder) Violinists! The transsexual violin players. Violin! (pause) You didn't say "violin"? Just transsexuals? (pause) Did you say "violence"? (pause) No? (pause) I'm not hungover!

–J Train

Posted on July 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Instruments, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Queens, Teens, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Gravy

20-something girl to another: You know, with most of the other saints, the way they met their demise had no entertainment value!

–Morningside Heights

Woman to guy, nodding thoughtfully: Hell, no, I'm not going to jail! I don't care if he killed him, he's not gonna kill me too!

–Crown Heights

Grandpa wearing Brooklyn dodgers cap to grandson: Listen to me! Are you listening to me? The last two guys who didn't listen to me ended up dead with their heads blown off! Is that what you want? (pause) So… You hungry?

–IKEA Parking, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gene D. Gray

30-something guy: If I were 28, in great shape, and everyone loved me, I wouldn't just be in trouble with the law, I'd be dead.

–Mooncake Foods, Soho

Overheard by: Robert

Crazy Puerto Rican with wild poodle: Mira! Mira! Cancel the fucking casket–she ain't dead yet, bitch! Mira!

–86th St & East End

Posted on July 14, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Death, Families, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Murder, Old People, One-liners, Physical appearance, Prison, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Religion, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Tragically Hip Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster girl to friend: I told her it was the wrong kind of plaid. Not all flannels are equal.

–Bowery & Bleecker

Overheard by: but lumberjacks are supposed to be burly men!

Hipster to another: And I was like "Do you want some nail polish for that camel toe?"

–2nd Ave

Overheard by: Shan

Hipster guy singing to self in country twang: Whennnn am I gonna get me sommmme Ugg boooooots?

–4th Ave & 13th St

Hipster guy in eyeliner and mascara: I was being facetious… I would not wear leggings.

–Jamba Juice, 13th St & University

Overheard by: helenathegreat

Hipster girl screaming on cell: I want you to want me to want to touch you!

–Columbus Circle

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Hipsters, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Shoes, Singing, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

“Your Mama's So Wednesday, She's a One-Liner!”

Young woman in need of sympathy: You have to forgive me! My mother, she fucked me up! I'm soooo fucked up!

–7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: stephie

Teenage girl: My mom is a fan of "wild sex" on Facebook.

–Starbucks

Girl in red jacket: It's not the whole gay thing, it's the whole sex-in-front-of-your-mother thing.

–Hudson & Varrick

Man to another, across seat: Get up! Get up, fool. Yo' momma don't love you! And if yo' momma don't love you, don't nobody love you.

–E Train

Male NYU student: Yay, my mom's picking me up!

–NYU

Overheard by: George

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Apologies, Facebook, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Insults, Love, Men, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Sex, Sexuality, Starbucks, Students, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners and the Law Of the Harvest

Older black woman on cell, screaming: There are no leaves on the floor. No! No fucking leaves on the floor. The fucking leaves are green and still in the trees. Did you hear me?

–7th Ave & W 18th

Ghetto Spanish chick on cell: Oh my god, you got your tree? A pink tree!? Say, word… I'ma come by after work to see your pink tree. I never seen a pink tree before! Is it real?

–4 Train

Overheard by: DCBX

Sad 13-year-old to friend, in total seriousness: Right now… Here in social studies… My FarmVille crops are dying!

–Middle school, Coney Island

Blonde hipster to blonder hipster: So I told her, "you can take everything, but at least leave me the front lawn."

–Gramercy

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Coney Island, Death, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Hipsters, Insults, Latinos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, School, Teens, Trees and plants, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners for Tammany Hall

Girl with Obama pin: Oh my god, I can't believe I spent this whole night hanging out with a Republican!

–104th St & Manhattan Ave

Overheard by: Emily

Guy to friends: There's only one thing I want him to shove down my throat, and it's not his Republican ideals.

–43rd & 8th

Gov't. Teacher: Sometimes you wanna smack a moderate.

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Overheard by: jules

Woman: I blame McCain for the snow.

–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Philip & Richard

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Democrats, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Girls, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Politics, Staten Island, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Confirmed Bachelors

Gay student in freight elevator to other students: This reminds me of every romantic encounter I've ever had.

–SVA George Washington Dorms

Overheard by: Nicole

Flamboyant gay man to another: Have you taken a trip down to his passion peninsula?

–Gay Club, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Gay guy to girl on his arm, kindly: That was a waste of your breath and my time.

–Broadway & E 7th

Overheard by: Jon A.

Flamboyant, queened-out Lady Gaga-style gay: Diva, you have to promise me that when I die, you'll head straight up to my apartment and remove all my dildos and drugs so my mom won't find them.

–A Train

Gay man to another: He's a genealogist. Of course he's a bottom!

–6th Ave & 13th St