Wednesday One-Liner's Last Dance with Mary Jane

Professor: We will talk about the JDC–the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee. And no, they were not dispensing marijuana.

–Queens College

Overheard by: ShaniP

Trashy JAP on cell: So I told her I was selling, and that bitch was like, "Katrina, for how much?" And I was like "Oh my god, mom, it doesn't matter how much the weed is going for, all that matters is the quality!"

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: penelope

Random stranger to teens: You want to buy some weed? Just come back to my mom's house!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Rhian

College student on cell: Mom, you've got to stop smoking so much weed. I mean, fuck!

–Time Square

Random dude on street: I got it all! Liquor, alcohol, marijuana, Chips Ahoy! I got it!

–44th & Broadway

Overheard by: Lagster

Street vendor: Prada bags, Louis Vuitton bags, Gucci bags, marijuana bags… (everyone looks over at him) Hey, I gotta make money somehow.

–Times Square

Overheard by: mary jane

Posted on August 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Food, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, JAPs, Knock-Offs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Queens, Queens College, School and studying, Strangers, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness

Wednesday Pick-Up-Liners

Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you.

–M116 Bus

Overheard by: I hate the bus

Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty!

–Allen & East Houston

Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free.

–33rd & Broadway

Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all.

–Times Square

Overheard by: yearbookie

Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you.

–South Williamsburg

Overheard by: DanielXY

Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees.

–Central Park

Posted on August 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Construction Guys, Friends, Gender issues, History & Geography, Hobos, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nice People, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Orgy, Parks, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Relationships, Shopping, Street, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Isn’t It Time You Talked to Your Kids About Wednesday One-Liners?

Creepster: Hey there… do you like drugs? … How about Gandhi?

–Chambers &and West Broadway

Girl on cell: So I opened the envelope on the train… Yeah it was heroin.

–W 46th Ave

Bum: Excuse me! Hey, hey! Excuse me! Check it out! I am going to smoke crack all fucking night, and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it, because that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to smoke so much crack!

–West 4th at Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Cory

Guy to hungover girl: Everyday you look more and more like you do heroin.

–Relish Bar & Grill

Preppy dude: I like doing drugs too much to be a Buddhist.

–Arlene’s Grocery

Mom to ten-year-old son: … But that’s like saying heroin is the only drug to try!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Posted on August 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Buddha, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Drugs, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hard Drugs, Heroin, History & Geography, Homeless, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, Physical appearance, Preppies, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Really Bug Me

Geek speedwalking through rush-hour crowd with hands over head: Parasites, parasites, parasites!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: it is what it is

African-American lady: The secret life of… What? Who's "bees"?

–Loews Kips Bay

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Woman: I'm a fruit fly. That's like a fag hag, only prettier.

–3rd & St. Mark's

Female suit on cell: We're dealing with racist ladybugs here.

–44th & Lexington

Overheard by: LP421

Posted on August 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beauty, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Fears, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, Nerds, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Race, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

And Any One of Her Stepfathers Who Happens to be Around That Week

Young child: Mom, that girl hit me!
Mom: What? You go back there and punch her back! No one hits my daughter besides me!

–Columbia St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lisa

Posted on August 7, 2015
Brooklyn, Kids, Moms, Parents, Street, Violence

Don't Hate the Wednesday One-Liner, Hate the Game

(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher?

–47th & Madison

Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score?

–Doctor's Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Professor: Did I tell you guys I'm getting into professional wrestling?

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Didn't want the details

Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It's fucking field hockey! It's a girl's sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski

Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team.

–Willets Point, Queens

Overheard by: Random Asian Chick

Posted on August 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Brooklyn, Clerks, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Conductors, Directions, Football, Fordham, Gender issues, Gripes, Guys, Insults, Mets, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, School and studying, Shea Stadium, Sports, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

The Audacity Of Wednesday One-Liners

Black guy, cutting in front of line at movie theater: Excuse me, Barack Obama is President now. Thank you.

–AMC Movie Theater

Overheard by: Emmy

Man with hand stuck in bus door to bus driver: We got a black President and you actin' like this? You civil service!

–14D Bus

Sketching Jamaican hobo: Obama is some kinda skateboard.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Subway hobo: How come Obama don't have sex with his wife no more? Because every time she opens her legs, he sees bush!

–1 Train

Man to toddler in his arms: That's Obama. He's gonna save us all from doom! From doom!

–University & 12th St

Posted on August 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Bus Drivers, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Family Ties, Guys, Hair, Hobos, Kids, Men, Movie Theaters, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, President, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Does Mom Know You’re Out Here?

Homeless guy: Yo, yo. Can I get a donation to my broke-ass foundation?
Hipster guy: Sorry, dude.
Homeless guy: Aww, come on brother. Just pretend that you love me.

–5th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: some girl

Posted on August 4, 2015
Default, Guys, Hipsters, Hobos, Homeless, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday Onesie Liners

Woman on cell, loudly: No, no, my baby's getting fixed that day!

–5th Ave

Yuppie thug in three-piece suit, loudly on cell while riding escalator: So you sayin' it's mines? How you know it's mines? Naw naw, how you know? Bitch, kiss my ass! If they ain't been no muh-fuckin DNA test, then they ain't been no baby sprung up outta my dick! I ain't no adoption agency!

–Borders, Penn Station

Overheard by: IJustWanttoBrowseMadonna'sBrother'sTell-AllinPeace

20-something male on cell: What did I tell you about having sex with people who have babymama problems? That's why I gave up my crush on Bristol Palin.

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Topical

Black lady with stroller: Ohhh, no. All y'all are not fitting into this car. Stop pushin' up on my baby. Y'all need to back that shit up now. (baby starts crying) What do you want? What do you want? Are you having hot flashes? Cause I know I am. Jesus!

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Alie

Black woman: Of all his babymamas, why he alway bothering her? He has all these babymamas and he's always bugging her. She must still be puttin' out.

–34th & Broadway

Very young pregnant woman purchasing cigarettes on: What the hell kind of difference does what you eat have on what kind of baby you have?

–Nostrand & Dean, Crown Heights

Overheard by: Siobhan

Posted on August 3, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Baby Mama/Daddy, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Penn Station, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Smoking, Store, Street, Stupidity, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Yuppies

Do Wednesday One-Liners Measure Up?

Eastern European in velour jumpsuit, approaching guy on street: Sup, cuz. Hey, remember to give it to Ricky tonight for that thing tomorrow. It's a good size. Alright, see you later.

–89th & 3rd

Overheard by: Ben A

Girl to friends: And then she was like, "yeah, let me look at you with my weirdly oversized eyeballs."

–Court St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: iwn2000

Female suit on phone: We need to get them! (pause) No! They're too big! They won't fit in the hole!

–Broadway

Guy: Masculinity is determined by the size of your (slight pause) army…

–Millennium High School

Little girl, carrying tiny stick: Look! I have the biggest stick in the world!

–Central Park