Preppy girl to honking SUV driver: Fuck you!
Asian guy, walking other way: Bless you!
–59th & Park
Overheard by: Just trying to cross the street
Preppy girl to honking SUV driver: Fuck you!
Asian guy, walking other way: Bless you!
–59th & Park
Overheard by: Just trying to cross the street
Nervous hipster: You know, it's really true what they say about friends with eczema…
–50th & 8th
Overheard by: chris
Guy on cell: So she got cancer, big fuckin deal!
–1st Ave & St. Mark's
Man on cell: Next time they call, just politely say there's no one here with diabetes.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lola Black
Woman exiting car: There's this bump between my ass and cooch. I think I should get that checked.
–W 4th St
20-something guy to 40-something woman: Look, I'm not saying I'm not concerned about my hand being sticky, but I'm more concerned about malaria.
–Café
Girl on cell: So I asked my doorman if I brought anyone home with me last night and he said he didn’t know! I told him it’s his job to know!
–Outside 145th subway station
Hipster girl: Santa is a man whore!
–45th & 8th
College girl: And then we’re having what I thought was a nice one night stand, and then, he’s all like "what are you doing?"
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: silvver
Indian girl: I need to up my sex number. I either wanna sleep with a professor or a celebrity. (long pause) Wait! Professors are like celebrities!
–72nd and Amsterdam
Overheard by: Vincent
Teen girl to friend: … And then my mom said to me "don’t be a ho."
–Union Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Girl: She is such a fuckin’ slut. (Pause, then indignantly) How you gonna sleep with someone for four dollars?
–Bergen and Smith
Man to woman: Well, I've already been in two successful marriages…
–Hudson River Park
Talkative husband to blase wife: We've been married for over a year, who would not like us?
–F Train
Overheard by: Elise
Girl: So, when you say "married," is that like "married-and-just-not-divorced-yet," or like "married-married-and-actually-living-together"?
–6 Train
Woman on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry Susan's brother, because he ended up losing a testicle.
–DUMBO, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Megan
Woman on cell: Sorry, but if I wanted to be heavily sedated and drunk all day, I'd marry you.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Josh
Guy with eye patch: If a girl eats out your ass on the first date, you marry her!
–77th & 34th
Police officer to taxi driver: If you just hit one, the rest will scatter.
–Herald Square
Guy to girl, pushing her into the street: Anna versus car, who will win?
–E Houston & Ave D
Overheard by: haha
Tourist to New Yorker: You're not supposed to jaywalk!
–Herald Square
Chick to another: We didn't get hit by a car… Oh well, maybe next time.
–7th & 23rd
Overheard by: Stormy
Guy with stroller to passing car: You hit my baby, I'll take your car!
–Fordham & Hoffman
Overheard by: sromeo
Crossing guard, watching pedestrian cross in a hurry: My money's on the bus!
–Lower Manhattan
Overheard by: Steve
Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it's okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I'm really sorry–I'm just entering the subway, that's what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn't wash her hands)
–34th St & 9th St
Flustered 50-something suit: It's burning! It's burning!
–Penn Station Bathroom
Man in stall: There should be a law against what's coming out of me.
–25th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: I agree
Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can't talk to you right now. (pause) I'm in the bathroom! (pause) I've got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?
–Restroom, Grand Central
Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel!
–Men's Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Professor: We will talk about the JDC–the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee. And no, they were not dispensing marijuana.
–Queens College
Overheard by: ShaniP
Trashy JAP on cell: So I told her I was selling, and that bitch was like, "Katrina, for how much?" And I was like "Oh my god, mom, it doesn't matter how much the weed is going for, all that matters is the quality!"
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: penelope
Random stranger to teens: You want to buy some weed? Just come back to my mom's house!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Rhian
College student on cell: Mom, you've got to stop smoking so much weed. I mean, fuck!
–Time Square
Random dude on street: I got it all! Liquor, alcohol, marijuana, Chips Ahoy! I got it!
–44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Lagster
Street vendor: Prada bags, Louis Vuitton bags, Gucci bags, marijuana bags… (everyone looks over at him) Hey, I gotta make money somehow.
–Times Square
Overheard by: mary jane
Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you.
–M116 Bus
Overheard by: I hate the bus
Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty!
–Allen & East Houston
Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free.
–33rd & Broadway
Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all.
–Times Square
Overheard by: yearbookie
Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you.
–South Williamsburg
Overheard by: DanielXY
Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees.
–Central Park
Creepster: Hey there… do you like drugs? … How about Gandhi?
–Chambers &and West Broadway
Girl on cell: So I opened the envelope on the train… Yeah it was heroin.
–W 46th Ave
Bum: Excuse me! Hey, hey! Excuse me! Check it out! I am going to smoke crack all fucking night, and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it, because that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to smoke so much crack!
–West 4th at Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Cory
Guy to hungover girl: Everyday you look more and more like you do heroin.
–Relish Bar & Grill
Preppy dude: I like doing drugs too much to be a Buddhist.
–Arlene’s Grocery
Mom to ten-year-old son: … But that’s like saying heroin is the only drug to try!
–14th St & 9th Ave
Geek speedwalking through rush-hour crowd with hands over head: Parasites, parasites, parasites!
–34th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: it is what it is
African-American lady: The secret life of… What? Who's "bees"?
–Loews Kips Bay
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Woman: I'm a fruit fly. That's like a fag hag, only prettier.
–3rd & St. Mark's
Female suit on cell: We're dealing with racist ladybugs here.
–44th & Lexington
Overheard by: LP421
