Girl: Dude, good think Thom Yorke is a great musician, because that guy looks like my dog's ass.
Guy: If your dog's ass looks like Thom Yorke, I suggest you put that dog up for sale.
Girl: I would never sell my dog!
Guy: I would sell my dog on eBay in a heartbeat.
Girl: You can't sell animals on eBay.
Guy: I would sell my dog's leash and throw in the dog for free.
–Fordham Ram Van
Overheard by: sromeo
JAP #1: Oh my god, did you hear about what Aaron wrote on Brittany's Facebook wall?
JAP #2: Oh my god, yeah, that's like, disgusting. Like, she looks like a fucking koala.
JAP #1: Totally. Like, who wants to date a tree climbing marsupial?
JAP #2: Fuck no! I'd rather kill my brother!
–Saks Fifth Avenue
Teen girl on cell: What?! His name was "food stamps?"
–Outside W 4th St Train Station
Woman waiting in line for a free iced coffee at Dunkin' Donuts: Daaaayum… It's crowded in here, like at the welfare office!
–Lower Manhattan
Overheard by: Matt
Thug (seeing the line for Dark Knight: Yo, this is longer than the welfare line!
–42nd St AMC Theaters
Overheard by: Angel
Drunk hobo in seriously bright yellow jump suit: Will you marry me? I got food stamps.
–Broadway, Astoria
Guy on cell: What? Yeahhh, her momma's been on welfare so long her food stamps bounced.
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: nycpuhlease
20-year-old girl on cell: Yeah, I got the dress, it was like $100. I tried on matching pumas and I'm gonna go back to get those tomorrow. Hold on, I have another call.
(pause) Hello? Let me call you back, I'm on my way to pick up my welfare check.
–M2 Bus
Girl #1: Aw, you look like a cute bum.
Girl #2: Thanks!
–Leon M. Goldstein High School
Overheard by: Robert
English professor: So who here is eligible to vote but isn't?
(student raises hand)
English professor: Why aren't you voting?
Ditzy Asian girl: I dunno… I just don't know who to vote for.
English professor: But…they're so different. They're like chocolate ice cream and…gravel.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Shakti
Coked-out girl: Your friend is hot. Is she gay?
Drunk girl: I don't know. Are you gay?
Coked-out girl: I like the way Shakira puts it. (singing) “Whenever, wherever, we're meant to be together.”
(later on)
Coked-out girl: Are you as straight as the day is long?
Drunk girl: Um, it depends…how long is the day?
Coked-out girl: Fourteen hours.
–Sophie's, 5th & Ave A
Overheard by: amazed
Angry Spanish boyfriend: You know why I'm talking to you like this! Because your boss was sitting there and you probably had no damn clothes on!
–Broad Channel Subway Station
Girl to friend: Yeah, I can't wait until we take off our clothes and do our make up!
–116th & 3rd
(20-something couple is walking down the street with arms around each other)
Woman: So were you self-conscious when you took off your clothes in front of the children?
–28th & 5th
White guy answering cell: Negrooooo… I'm on the Long Island Railroad being completely homosexual… You missed it, completely naked…
–LIRR
Overheard by: Xavier
Five-year-old girl, before performance begins: Are they going to take *all* their clothes off?
—Hair, Delacorte Theater
Girl to friend: God! I remember when my brother ran into my room naked screaming that he had two buttholes.
–Subway, 14th & 1st
Overweight middle age white guy to friend: I know, I get it, you like to sit naked in the mud while some guy serenades you on his guitar singing about things I don't believe and can't understand. That's your thing. I prefer hockey.
–89th & 4th, Brooklyn
Angry suit chick on phone: No, I am your second bitch, but I still love you!
–41st St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: That guy has his hands full
Cute activist girl, after extended conversation about Kwame Kilpatrick: I mean, you can't just kill a bitch and expect no one to notice!
–LaGuardia Airport
NYU sudent: She's like one of those fabulous bitches though, you know?
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Me too Honey
Guy on cell: A dog show, like where you pick up bitches!
–23rd Ave, Queens
Overheard by: Xavier
College student to friend: I really want to bump into him. Condescending comes across so much better in person. (pause) And I can't wait to be a sarcastic bitch!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Pola
Ex-con to group of friends: I don't mean shit to a bitch! (looks over at a terrified hipstergirl next to him. He takes off his hat) I mean. I have very little value to most ladies.
–C Train
Overheard by: Tim Roth
Teen girl: So I deleted my Facebook.
Teen guy: See! There's another one!
Teen girl: Another what?
Teen guy: Another difference, my last girlfriend deleted her MySpace and kept her Facebook. That's, like, so weird.
Teen girl: But we both had both.
Teen guy: Don't argue.
–2 Train
Guy: I finally found someone who's as crazy about me as I am!
–1st Ave & 2nd St
Young guy to girlfriend: Sometimes I listen to myself and I think, "How do I know *so much* about marketing?"
–Downtown E Train
Guy to friend in movie theater, just before movie starts: Dude, my blog post today was *so* good.
–Loews Theater, 34th St
Girl: I'm attractive and I have a lot of friends!
–PATH Train
Overheard by: tb
Girl to friends: Hey guys… I'm really glad we're us. Or else I'd be really jealous of us.
–West Village
Overheard by: Max
