Grandma Got Run Over by a Wednesday One-Liner

SUV driver to pedicab trying to make its way through the snow: Hey, buddy! I got a reindeer, ya wanna buy it?

–8th Ave & 48th St

Loud 13-year-old: Shut the fuck up, it's almost Christmas.

–B Train

Overheard by: Taylor

Middle-aged guy on cell: You'll never guess what I'm doing for Christmas. You'll never guess in a million years. (pause) Uhm, yeah, that's pretty close.

–8th Ave

Guy dressed in Santa costume on cell: Stop being such a weenie!

–Midtown

Angry little girl to older brother: If you don't let Santa out of our closet I will!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Taylor

Posted on February 24, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Brothers, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Comebacks, Conductors, For Sale, Guys, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Street, Teens, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Die, Wednesday-One-Liner Scum!

Male yuppie to female yuppie: So milfs are totally in right now.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Lolita

20-something male yuppie, surrounded with Starbucks coffee containers and yelling at laptop: It took you six fucking minutes to get to the fucking page! Rawwwr! I'm going to rip you apart, you stupid fucking computer! Rawwr!

–Starbucks

Yuppie-hipster mom, to sobbing toddler: Yeah, I know, your life is just so tough.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: It's because those hemp diapers you make her wear chafe like hell.

Yuppie woman: This is like the Third World!

–8th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sam Chalek

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Compare/Contrast, Global Geography, Hipsters, Insults, Kids, Laptop, MILF, Moms, One-liners, Parents, Starbucks, The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liner Is the Second-Largest Property Owner in NYC, After the Catholic Church

Columbia student to another: When I get rich, I'm totally having the sweat glands in my armpits removed.

–Columbia University

Undergrad to friend: So I should tell you about today's existential crisis…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Katie Naum

Guy to group of friends: Hey, you guys ever watch that video in health ed, of disabled people having sex? It was upsetting.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: L-Dubbs

Columbia undergrad: I am taking so many classes right now, like 18 credits, cause I have no clue what to do with my life. Part of me wants to go to business school here because I can make a lot of money fast, and part of me wants to go to law school here because it's more practical and will make me more over the long run. But then I am also in this class on genocide, which is a topic I love. So maybe I will do something with that instead.

–Max Cafe, 122nd & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: reluctantprof

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Education, Friends, Guys, Handicaps, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Murder, One-liners, Philosophy, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sex, Students, Surgery, Sweat, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Cheeky Fuckhole Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy outside NY Life building: You have to entrance a man with your pussy… or your voice.

–26th & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Seeking Dating Advice

Ghetto guy to date: I eat pussy for 40 minutes!

–The Frying Pan

Overheard by: Aly

Irate woman on cell: I ain't a size two anymore! This shit be hurtin my ass, and my vah-jay-jay!

–6th Ave & 38th St

Girl to another: If you were a stranger, I'd punch you in the vagina.

–D Train

Father to teenage son: There will be plenty more pussy to come, you just need to get your swagger back.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mister Pants

Posted on February 17, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Ass, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Height, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Punch, Street, Teens, Threats, Time, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“Hi, My Name Is Wednesday, and I'm a One-Liner”

Happy old drunk guy, to no one in particular: Eldridge Street, god bless us, every one! Eldridge street!

–Eldridge Street & Broome Street

Drunk girl to friend: There she goes! Being all Rosa Parks, as usual, saving her tribe …

–2nd Ave b/w 5th & 6th

Drunk girl outside bar: If I ever have children, I want them to be as fucked up as I am!

–West Village

Overheard by: AsherO

Drunk girl: I'm so hungry I could eat a dick!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: teagle

Loud drunk girl at table with friends: Ashton sat on my lovesack!

–Blockheads

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Fashion, Food, Fordham, Friends, Girls, Happiness, Kids, Lower East Side, Old People, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Politics, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

The Final Solution to Wednesday One-Liners

College girl to friend: So I was looking through all my pictures… You know, all my pictures of Nazis.

–Central Park

Overheard by: ruegah

NYU film student to another, looking at picture of French actor Benoit Magimel: He's hot in that Hitler Youth kind of way.

–NYU Tisch Building

Guy to friend: Killing zombies is the new killing Nazis.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Preston

Random hipster: Sometimes I think Hitler was right.

–Music Hall of Williamsburg

Borders employee: I'm sorry, ma'am, we do have books about Hitler, but they're all for children.

–Borders

Posted on February 17, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Beauty, Books & Writing, Central Park, Clerks, Compliments, Friends, Guys, Hipsters, Hitler/Nazis, Kids, KKK, Murder, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Pictures, Store, Students, Stupidity, Theater, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

One-Liners Mean What Wednesdays Say They Mean

Blonde to brunette: So that made it even worser… Worser? More worse? Or is it just worse? Noooo. Worser. Or just worse? No! More worse. Worser?

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Agitated young man: I was dramatized by all dat what just happen … dramatized, son. Dramatized.

–Hospital, 10th Ave

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Obese woman pushing stroller: Yo! I told you I don't wanna hear noes, ifs, ants, or buts about it.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: john ainley

Young French lady: We are gonna weaponised a pumpkin!

–French Consulate, Upper East Side

Overheard by: James

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Food, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Hospitals, Idiots, Moms, Office, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday First-Trimester Liners

Mom to friend, as baby makes screeching sounds and bounces around in stroller: I swear I didn't do drugs while I was pregnant with her. But I did have quite a few raspberry martinis before I knew I was knocked up.

–Belmont Park Race Track

20-something woman on phone: I need to slap that bitch. I don't care she pregnant, her face ain't pregnant.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Mike

Ghetto baby momma: And it was like I was giving birth on the toilet!

–Belmont Ave & 188th St

Overheard by: Toomuchinformation

Doctor to patient: You're not pregnant, you just have gas.

–W 204th St

Overheard by: JMS

Little girl on cell: Oh my god, I know! And I'm, like, "that's why you're fucking pregnant"!

–Central Park

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Comebacks, Doctors, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Farting & Burping, Ferry, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Insults, Kids, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners 101

Psychology professor: So with the gustatory system the motor action is basically spit or swallow. That reminds me of… never mind.

–NYU

Professor: As rigid as it may sound, I would really prefer that you provide me with the literal translation of the Latin on all quizzes and exams, rather than rearranging the grammar to make it sound less awkward in English, so as to preserve the integrity of the Latin prose. Yeah, that's how I roll.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Overheard by: Classics Student

Social psychology professor: The field of psychology doesn't run on… Dunkin'.

–New School University

English professor to class of freshwomen: When you get drunk, does your judgment suffer? (silent awkward pause) Well, you girls might be a little young for it, but I know my judgment suffers!

–Barnard College

Overheard by: High Aspirations

English professor: I know it sounds like an asshole thing to say, but that's what I'm here for guys. I'm here to be your asshole.

–English Seminar, Fordham

Posted on February 10, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Columbia (& Barnard), Cum, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Food, Fordham, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Languages, New School, NYU, One-liners, Psychology, Questions, School and studying, Science, Sensory Experiences, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

The Dishonorable Discharge Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: Okay, how do I put this delicately? (pause) Yeah, I don't think I can. Here's the difference between you and me: when I hear that a guy I like is riddled with STDs, I cut off all ties and stop thinking of him as a potential sexual conquest. (pause) Alright, dude, but don't come crying to me when you get your first outbreak.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: tatunit

20-something girl: I swear to god: if I get syphilis, I'm spreading it.

–Penn Station

Girl on cell phone: Yeah, and then the lady asked me to take off my pants because she wanted to do an examination. Well, I freaked because it's like a fucking jungle down there, and I wasn't expecting the exam. It was alright, though, the poster in front of me with disgusting images of vaginas with warts and cysts and stuff gave me comfort that the situation could be a lot more embarrassing.

–NYU Health Center

Girl on cell: I didn't say anything about your sister having herpes!

–Hunter College

Crazy health teacher: Now I am going to speak about sexually transmitted diseases. I know this is a subject which you enjoy. (students laugh) What? It is true. Everyone begins to grow excited when I speak of this subject.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crying, Education, Family Ties, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, Insults, Laughter, Medicine, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Queens, Sex, STDs, Street, Teachers/Professors, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

One-liners

The Cheeky Fuckhole Of Wednesday One-Liners