Just Wait 'Til You Have Wednesday One-Liners Of Your Own!

Stroller mom admonishing toddler: Connor! Connor, stop that now. Connor, I'm going to count to three…in French. Un, deux, trois.

–Broadway & 93rd St

Father, teaching five-year-old son to urinate in the street: Okay, son, now you've gotta shake it.

–Fordham Road

Mom to seven-year-old daughter, on Yom Kippur: Only you could complicate a bagel purchase.

–Absolute Bagels, 108th & Broadway

Yuppie mommy to naughty child: Stop it! Stop acting up! Look, this is the reason people don't have kids.

–Starbucks

Woman to young sons: You see that boy in that other train over there? I'm gonna give him your present if you don't be quiet.

–6 Train

Father to three rowdy children: You guys are gonna need to calm down, this is gonna be a two hour ride and there is no bar car on this train. Which is unfair to daddies with 3 kids.

–Grand Central

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Dads, Education, Family Ties, Gifts, Glad the Condom Broke, Grand Central, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Languages, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Questions, Shopping, Should've Used a Condom, Starbucks, Store, Street, The Bronx, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Yuppies

Peanut, Pinenut, Ground Nut, Wednesday One-Liner Nut…

Ghetto girl: Hmm, I know what a peanut is, but what a walnut is?

–147th & Broadway

Man on cell: It's quite possible that my left nut is bigger than my right nut.

–82nd & Broadway

Girlfriend to boyfriend: So that's why Yoda sounds like busting a nut!

–Ave A & 6th St

Guy to friend: I've been bitten in the nuts by two different Scottish Terriers.

–7th Ave b/w 24th & 25th

Overheard by: Carmen

Guy on cell: I'm just like an anorexic. Every time they look in the mirror, they think "I'm not skinny enough," but I look in the mirror and think "these pants aren't tight enough," even though everyone tells me they can see my nuts.

–L Train

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Height, Man's Best Friend, Men, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Street, Trees and plants, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Go with the Flow

Woman to friend: Childbirth is just really bad menstrual cramps, that's all!

–Varick St

Overheard by: Cool Breeze

Woman to toddler: Put the rest of the money back in the tampon box.

–14th St Subway Station

Overheard by: alex

Girl crossing street to friend: And then I had my period for a month!

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Wondering what kind of birth control she's on

30-something woman on cell: He said he didn't care, and pulled the tampon out of me.

–Bedford Ave & N 8th St

Overheard by: tamphex twin

Girl to guy: I thought I smelled alcohol, but it was just my menstruation.

–N Train

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Menstruation, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sensory Experiences, Soho, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Could You Use “Wednesday One-Liners” in a Sentence?

Girl to friend: I know, man! I was like, "Expelliarmus!"

–116th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Bahnahd

College guy to his friends: If you use the word "status quo" in a paper, you're guaranteed to get at least an A.

–Cental Park

Overheard by: dizzle

Smug dude: He told me he needed a dictionary to have a conversation with me. I mean, just because instead of saying…um…like…well, instead of a short word…I use a big one.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ivory Girl

Old man to another: What's that word mean, "egotistical"? You blindsided me with that word! Egotistical!

–Reading Room, Bryant Park

Overheard by: Jessie

Woman on cell: You never heard of tilapia? You got to get out of the hood!

–St. John's & Classon

Overheard by: Mollie

Posted on January 28, 2009
Animals & Nature, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Bryant Park, Central Park, Film, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Height, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, School and studying, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

Wednesday Bloodliners

Girl to guy: And then he cheated on me with his male and female cousin.

–9th & 21st, Chelsea

Guy on phone: You should tell him next time he should keep his dick in his sister.

–72nd & Central Park West

Guido, getting his hair cut, in a thick Staten Island accent: Show me where it says in the Holy Bible that you can't bang your stepsister.

–Staten Island Barber Shop

Overheard by: Snewsboy

Dude on cell: Bitch, I don't care how much you give me, your ass just ain't worth it. (pause) Plus, I can just get it for free from my sister.

–Coffee Shop, Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: really hope he didn't mean what i thought…

Girl to mother, after game: I'd rather go down on my sister than take the d train to Times Square right now.

–Old Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: datura0001

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Barbershop, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Family Ties, Free stuff!, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Incest, Infidelity, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium

Embrace Your Wednesday One-Liners

Guy at party: I'm known for my creepy hugs.

–16th St & Union Square

Overheard by: Kitty

Hobo: Okay, you know the drill. I'm hungry, give me money so I can buy breakfast.
(nobody does) Alright, if you don't want to give any money, if you're reasonably attractive, hug a brotha! That works too.

–F Train

Panhandler: Any little bit helps, folks. Pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters. If you don't have any money this morning and you're, like, really attractive, you can just give me a big hug and rub up on me a little bit, and we'll call it even.

–F Train

Overheard by: kdice

Woman's voice on public announcement system: You want me to hug you?

–Port Authority

Ghetto Latina, seeing MTA worker hug crying bag lady: Shit, I'm from the Bronx, born and raised, and I ain't never seen no subway man be giving out free hugs. I seen shouting matches, I seen drug deals, I seen fist fights, but I ain't never seen no free hugs in a subway station. That's some fuckin dedication right there.

–59th St. Subway Station

Overheard by: slc boy

Subway panhandler: If you don't have any food, but you do happen to be, like, incredibly good looking, I do accept hugs. (middle aged man with L.L.Bean backpack smiles and holds his arms open invitingly) I'll have to give you a raincheck on that one, sir.

–F Train

Overheard by: linda

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Crime and Punishment, Drugs, Fighting and ass kicking, Food, Free stuff!, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Hugs, Latinos, Money & Class, Nice People, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Passengers, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Strangers, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Hotliners

Fat girl at bar: Be hot, be educated, bend me over. That's all I want.

–Kenny's Castaways

Overheard by: Richard

Conductor (bitchily): Ladies and gentlemen, if you think the car you are in is too hot, feel free to get up and move!

–NJ Transit, Penn Station

Teenage girl to friend: Yeah, right, like, "Hi, I took the school bus with you in elementary school. Now you're really hot." (both laugh)

–Hunter College High School

Overheard by: Rosebud

Man on phone: Hey man, she was hot. But listen, don't tell her I have a girlfriend, okay?

–5th Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: i'm going to break it to her gently

Teenage girl on cell: Yes, I know you're not supposed to take pills from people you don't know, but he was so hot! And then I think I had sex with him.

–Chinatown Bus Station

Overheard by: Emily

Posted on January 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Chinatown, Conductors, Drugs, Education, Elementary & Middle School, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Heat, Horny, Hunter, Infidelity, Kids, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Penn Station, Questions, Sex, Teens, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

A Lost Generation Of Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster kid: I should just stop wearing underwear altogether.

–Loews Cinema, 84th St

Hipster girl on cell: Is it "i before e" or "e before i"? "E before i," right? I knew it was "i before e"!

–11th & Ave A

Overheard by: Jerome

Drunk hipster girl to boyfriend: I can't afford to buy drugs, I have to buy lunch on Wednesday.

–A Train

Overheard by: Jesse Jack

Angry hipster girl: Why are there so many ATMs everywhere?!

–6th St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Cash Money

Hipster girl, commenting on painting to friend: God, you see diamonds everywhere now. They're like the new antlers.

–Bushwick Art Loft

Posted on January 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Animals & Nature, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Drunks, Food, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Hipsters, Kids, Money & Class, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Say “Piss on It!”

Man exiting subway: No, thanks, I've had enough urine in my nose today.

–14th St & 8th Ave

Guy, infatuated with female friend: If I had a pool I'd let you pee in it.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Chadwick

Sturdy guy to chubby girls: We're men! We pee in the park!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: mmhmmm

Mad boyfriend beside girlfriend: No! No! No! I know how you are! I know how they are! All you have to do is pee and…

–Steinway St.

Overheard by: Dustin

Loud girl: Ugh, I wish I had a penis so I could pee on all ya asses.

–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amused Freshman

Little boy to brother: I have all the power! Do not make me pee-pee on you again!

–Throop & Pulaski

Overheard by: Melissa Kairuz

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Brothers, Cleanliness, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Gender issues, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Men, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Queens, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesdays You Don't Need, at One-Liners You Can't Afford

Guy rushing past crowd: Why would I go to work on the day of Barneys Warehouse sale…are you insane?

–78th & Broadway

20-something white guy: Enough of this hippie shit. Let's go to the four floor Abercrombie.

–Strawberry Fields

Overheard by: Alison

Girl: I was so depressed. I actually almost bought that leather jacket from Express. Whose bright idea was it to have the MCAT testing center in a shopping district?

–1 Train

20-something woman to another: Wow, it's just like the Westchester mall here, only outside.

–Bleecker & W 10th

Very Caucasian tourist: Holy frick! Where is The Gap?

–42nd & Broadway

Middle aged woman in hot pink, yelling: I won't shop today! I will not shop! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I will not fucking shop today! I won't shop! Fuck you!

–Urban Outfitters

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Girls, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, School and studying, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Tourism, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

One-liners