Wednesday One-liners

Russian lady: She loves to travel. Like some people alcoholics? She
loves to travel.

–Funayama, Greenwich Avenue

Guy on cell: Hey Maria? It’s John…from Biology…Oh, you can’t talk? OK. I love you. Bye.

–Washington Square Park

Euro chick: No silly, American football is like a girly version of rugby, they have rules and pads.

–66th & Lexington

Man: Look at all these little bananas! I don’t want none a these. These little bananas are for ladies.

–28th & Park fruit stand

Woman: You think that the players look at their butts in the mirror to see what we see?

–Yankee Stadium bleachers

Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper

Posted on May 14, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Foreigners, Love, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sports, The Village, Travel, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Yankee Stadium

Wednesday One-Liners Just Have Allergies

College girl to friend: Tonight’s goal is to make out with a cokehead.

–7th St

Posted on April 26, 2018
Cocaine, Drugs, Hook Ups, Manhattan, One-liners, Sex & Relationships, Street, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Say a Mouthful

Loud woman on cell: I suck your dick and we can't be Facebook friends?

–20th St & 6th Ave

Guy to buddies in the passing Skyfari car: Yo, that building over there… That's the building where I got that $5 blowjob.

–Skyfari, Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Stefan Yonker

Young man, dismissively: I could fucking suck cocks for a living, it doesn't matter!

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Middle schooler, wrestling in Aids memorial: Ooops, I sucked your dick!

–Hudson River Park

Overheard by: Nina & Phil

Middle-school girl to mother: My e-mail password is "blowjob".

–L Train

Posted on April 17, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Facebook, Friendship, Guys, Hudson River, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Nostalgia, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Prostitution, Questions, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-liners Should Stay on the Bus

Woman looking at statue: Did Columbus even make it to Manhattan?

–Columbus Circle

Tourist guy: Lots of people, smells really bad… It’s just like I always imagined.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Lauren

Posted on April 15, 2018
History & Geography, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Times Square, Tourist Attractions, Tourists

Paris Hilton: “That's Wednesday One-Liner.”

Hipster waitress to another: Camel toe is like, really hot, but also really uncomfortable.

–Williamsburg

College guy to friend: Dude, I'd definitely date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It's not gay.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Stephen

Professor: Welcome to CUNY, it's like menopause. It's either too hot or too cold.

–City University of New York

Latino girl on cell: Bitch, please. I'm gonna look mad hot tonight. I'ma comb my hair!

–American Apparel

Male professor: I don't care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, nothing's going to happen!

–New York Institute of Technology

Overheard by: Not Brad Pitt

Posted on April 9, 2018
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Beauty, Body Parts, City College, College, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Hunter, Latinos, Movies, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Store, Teachers/Professors, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liners! They're Just Like Us!

Creepy dad, cheerfully, to seven-year-old daughter: There's only one Lindsay Lohan!

–Downtown 1 train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Jewish girl to friend: You know how ever since I got my shnoz done people tell me I look like Amy Winehouse?

–116th St & Broadway

Crazy black guy on bus, to no one in particular: Derek Jeter looks just like Robert Deniro, man… Just like him!

–N6 Bus

Overheard by: looks like paris hilton?

Larger reporter: I'm not going to save clothes that fit me before I gained weight in case I lose it. If I lose weight, I'm going to buy some new damn clothes. I don't want to wear stuff from 1987. I'll look stupid, I'll look like Mischa Barton.

–Midtown Office

Overheard by: you wont be mischa's size

Hipster girl to friend: I mean, I really like him… But he thinks River Phoenix is a place.

–East Village

Posted on March 31, 2018
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Clothing, Columbia, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Creepsters, Dads, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Hipsters, JAPs, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Names, Nose Job, Offers and requests, Office, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Physical appearance, Shopping, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Reltney

Hipster girl: And he's always like, "oh god, I'm so hard!" and I'm always just like, "really?"

–Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU

Loud passenger: I'm so horny I'd fuck a potato right now.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: fingerling

Guy: I've had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid.

–Hard Rock Cafe

Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner.

–McCarren Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: kalbijim

Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we're talking about Mexicans and drowning?

–Williamsburg

Posted on March 14, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Death, Erections, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Horny, NYU, One-liners, Passengers, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

The Joy Luck Wednesday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: I'm sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!

–59th St & 11th

Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They're all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there's one English guy.

–Grand Street Stop, D Train

Overheard by: Justin W

Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me–I honestly can't tell them apart!

–Port Authority

20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: RedShikari

Posted on March 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brothers, Chinese, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Illness, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Trains Not Subway, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Completely Confused Wednesday One-liners

Well-dressed woman to passerby: Excuse me. Which way is up?

–53rd & Madison

Overheard by: Kitsune

Stoned guy: I think I thought I had a thought in my head…but I was wrong.

–74th S & Colonial Rd, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Becka Dash

Posted on February 28, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Manhattan, One-liners, Stoners, Stupidity, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Know How to Quit You

Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with?

–9th & 47th

Overheard by: wondering

Older queer to boyfriend: There's nothing like listening to Bach after having sex!

–W 72nd St, Record Store

Overheard by: I'll have to try that sometime…

(40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads "Big and tall active bottoms")
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you're in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that!

–KMart, Penn Station

Overheard by: RoverUSA

Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don't even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain't my kid.

–M15 Bus

Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents…

–86th St & Lexington

Posted on February 22, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Boyfriends, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Harassment, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penn Station, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Singing, Store, Street, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners