Wednesday One-Liners Grow Up Faster in the City

Little girl to woman walking by: Oh, look–another person, sooooo interesting. It's not like we haven't seen enough of those today.

–D'Agnostino's, Greenwich & Barrow

Overheard by: Margo

Boy walking in church to mom: And when we walk in we'll hear Gregorian chants.

–Trinity Church

Four-year-old boy, after plane's smooth landing: Whoa, that was solid!

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: jen

Kid at birthday party: I thought they were feeding us ice cream, not shit!

–McDonald's, Bayside

Adorable child having a temper tantrum: I don't want to walk, I want to go in the stroller!
(mother ignores him) I'm melting… I'm meeelllting!

–New York Transit Museum

Overheard by: NatalyaPetrovna

Posted on February 25, 2009
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Church, Compare/Contrast, Food, Glad the Condom Broke, JFK Airport, Kids, Moms, More museums, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Lot to Swallow

Suit on cell: I've already had a blow job tonight so I don't really care what happens.

–7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman

Lady suit to other: What about 1994? I haven't sucked cock or watched ice hockey since 1994!

–Lion's Head, 109th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: A great man

Toothless thug: And now she wants an award for sucking my dick.

–7th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: mattamore

Guy on cell: Look, I'm about to get on the train and lose signal so I'll sum up my argument: until I can pull out my dick and get a blowjob from any woman I want, my grudge against feminists stands. No, I don't care if it doesn't make sense. Fuck you, I'm getting on the train!

–Penn Station

Old woman to husband: Now isn't she the girl who gave him head in the Port Authority bathroom?

–Bench, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Horrified

Girl to two hipster friends with yoga mats: Oh my god, he had to stop me while I was sucking on his dick just to tell me he likes me. Like why? Ew, why would he bother?

–Avenue B & 13th

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Penn Station, Politics, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Suits, Thugs, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Two Wednesdays, One-Liner

Thuggette to two friends: So we, like, had a threesome, just without the sex.

–Kingsborough Community College

Hipster boy holding Christmas wreath: Well, no, I wasn't part of the threesome.

–Pearl St & John St

Overheard by: Matthew

Blonde 30-something: I love threesomes. That's when you go shopping with two friends, right? Right?

–77th & Lexington

Overheard by: iwantinonthat

Suit on cell: Were you invited to the gangbang? I wasn't invited! She always invites me to the gangbang! Fucking whore!

–86th & Park Ave

Overheard by: i wasn't invited either!

Conductor: Man, I am telling you, those two girls were just not ready, ready for me.

–A Train

Hobo: I would like money to buy beer so I can get drunk, and take home two women so they can molest me.

–M&M Store

Posted on February 25, 2009
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The Real World: Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: That's why I moved to Brooklyn: I hate people!

–Carrol Gardens

Overheard by: Smegma

Man on cell: No, no, no! You go to Brooklyn and suck that sweet white dick for free!

–35th & 8th

Brooklyn guy to date: I would walk all over Brooklyn for you! I would even walk all over Queens for you, you're so sweet!

–Tonio's Restaurant, 7th & 8th, Park Slope

Overheard by: D-Law

Train conductor: Because of a sick passenger at Clark Street, some of us may not be making it to Brooklyn…I'll let you know.

–Downtown 3 Train

Overheard by: D-Law

Conductor: This is York Street, the first stop in beautiful Brooklyn…yay!

–F Train

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Dating, Directions, Free stuff!, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Love, Men, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Penis, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Real

Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.

–LaGuardia Arts

Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!

–LIRR

Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!

–St. Mark's Place

Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"

–13th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: kdub

Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!

–42nd b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Couldn't agree more

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, College, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Height, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

I'd Love To, Baby, but My Wednesday One-Liner Won't Let Me Date

Train conductor: East Broadway, welcome to Manhattan. Especially you, tourists, you put my wife on the table–I mean, uh…my food.

–F Train

Overheard by: penelope

Petite 30-something washing clothes: Oh, no! His wife's gonna be there. I gotta get some razor blades.

–Laundry Mat, Broadway & Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Matt

Middle aged suit to another: So the main problem my girlfriend and I have is that I really get along with my wife.

–A Train

Overheard by: Suzi

Thug to friend: There's just one thing I want people to say about my wife. Not that she's pretty, or that she's nice. I want them to say, "man, that nigga's wife's got a fat ass!"

–Grand Concourse

Cop to crowd: I suggest you use the other crosswalk, it's less congested. Stay here, risk your life…over there, save your wife!

–Radio City Music Hall

Man on cell: You don't love your wife?! (pause) Fuck you!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Amina

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Brooklyn, Compliments, Conductors, Cops, Food, Friends, Infidelity, Insults, Laundromat, Love, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Rockefeller Center, Sex, Stab, Strangers, Street, Suits, The Bronx, Theater, Threats, Thugs, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Have You Ever Considered Modeling, Wednesday One-Liner?

Man walking in to immigration center to immigration security guard: You look very elegant today.

–Immigration Application Support Center, Queens

Lady: Oh my gosh, Casey looks so good! You would never know that he's blind!

–W 20th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Katie AK

Slightly tipsy elderly suit: Do you know where I can find a beautiful woman? Someone to spend the rest of my life with?

–Metropolitan Museum Info Desk

A Capella group leader, walking into train: Ladies and gentlemen, happy Thursday. We are a Doo Whop group and we are here to entertain you. If you like what you hear, show us some love. If you are miserable, hell, add more fiber to your diet. This Sunday, we will be saluting the best-looking people on the subway. Have a fiberrific day!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Em Allears

Ghetto black chick after someone took a picture of her: Did you get all the beautifulness?

–Saks Fifth Avenue

Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Diet/Weight, Food, Ghetto Chicks, Handicaps, Love, Men, Musicians, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Pictures, Queens, Questions, Security Guards, Singing, Store, Strangers, Suits, The Met, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

We Were Told There'd Be No Math on This Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell: I would have had to study way a lot more to do better on that exam.

–72nd St & Broadway

Student: I cheated on every test in that class…I even cheated on the survey!

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Liz

Guy: I can't decide which song to listen to. (girls around him look at him quizzically) No, I normally listen to Van Halen's Right Now before a test, but this is my first exam in law school, and I want to set a precedent.

–Fordham Law School Cafeteria, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: pumpkin

Guy on phone: Yeah, normally in these situations I'd knock on my head, but I need my brain for the test today, so I'm not going to pretend it's wood.

–Ditmars & 31st St

Overheard by: Natalie

Student on phone: So what? I don't care that they're mad at me for getting pregnant again. I've got bigger things to deal with…two finals in one day.

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Proctor: Okay, now don't leave any of the answers blank, cause it will be wrong. If you don't know, take a guess. It's like lotto: "Hey, you never know."

–New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene

Overheard by: Kristina

Posted on February 11, 2009
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If You're Wednesday and You Know It, Clap Your One-Liners!

Man: Is this the happy train? (no reply) Oh, this is the depressed train. Who wants spare change?

–N Train

Overheard by: ellen.

Big old Russian guy: So vhy you drink? You drink ven you are happy, and you drink ven you are sad. Me, I am either happy, or I am sad. So me, I am drinking all the time!

–Deli, 83rd & York

Overheard by: Zinny

Large woman on cell: I wanted to suck away your happiness, do you understand? I just wanted to suck it away!

–Grand Central Station

Girl on cell: Yeah, no. So then he pulls the rubber duck out of his (lowers voice) ass and says he loves me. Yeah, for the first time, I was so happy…

–B Train

Posted on February 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Delis, Drinking & Drunk People, Fat People, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Happiness, Men, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Public Transportation, Questions, S&M, Street, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

On Dark Nights, Wednesday One-Liners Walk the Streets

50-something suit on cell: So, are you coming or do you have to zombie-proof the apartment again?

–Downtown 6 Train

Youngish guy all in black: Vampires are so 90s. (female companion nods emphatically)

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Emily

Guy yelling to people dressed as zombies: Are there any fine zombies there that want to suck my dick?

–Union Square

Girl in Santa costume: Where are my fucking elves?!

–LaGuardia High School

Teen girl to friend: Well there are so many leprechauns at that school anyway, what do you really expect?

–Xavier High School

Overheard by: isa

Posted on February 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Girls, Guys, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, School and studying, Street, Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

All Wednesday One-Liners